Meant to be
by Schlomo
Summary: "Alone. All alone. Nobody but nobody can make it out here alone." JJ's and Will's love story from Jones to the recent episodes. Currently in Season 4. What happened after she gave him her number? I don't own criminal minds or any of the characters, CBS does.
1. Chapter 1

**_CHAPTER 1_**

**So this is just a little story of how I think they're love story began. It's my first story and I'm not a native speaker, so please forgive me my mistakes. It starts right at the end of 'Jones'.  
I am planning on writing about their entire year, maybe even about what happens after 'In Heat'.  
Hope you like it.**

_"There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing - light trumps darkness, every time. You stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light."  
-Jodi Picoult_

"Despite what you may have heard, cell phones _can_ be very good for your health" I said, handing detective William Lamontagne my business card, on which I had written my private number. He smiled at me, putting my card in his pocket as I turned around to get to my team.

No more words were needed.

I couldn't stop thinking about him when I was on the plane. I'd never been the kind of girl who would give her number to strangers. Maybe I did it because I was lonely sometimes and liked the feeling of Will flirting with me, maybe I did it because I was curious what could be, or maybe I just did it because I liked him more than I would admit to myself.  
I wondered if he would call, if he's curious, too or if I was just a quick flirt like any other. I couldn't tell what kind of guy he was, proving again how little I knew of profiling.

My phone rang before I had reached my apartment; I picked it up after it rang a couple of times.  
"Agent Jareau" I asked out of habit.  
"Hello, ehm, it's Will" he stuttered.  
"Oh, hello" I said, cradling the phone between my head and shoulder in order to open my front door. I tried to play it cool, when I really felt like singing and dancing. He had called.  
"Do I disturb you or something?" he asked in an insecure voice.  
"Oh, no" I reassured him "I just got home. What about you? Feeling better than you did earlier today?"  
"Yeah sure, I guess I was just feeling very low this afternoon, with the case being solved... And you leaving" he seemed nervous but not like he regretted saying it.  
"You know," I explained to him "sometimes, when you have worked on a case for a very long time, it's hard to understand when you have finally solved it but you'll realize that it's a good feeling, moving on, knowing there is one less psycho running around" I put on the kettle fo a cup of coffee and settled on my couch, still in my working clothes, my bag was lying somewhere in the corner.  
"You were right. About what you said this evening. About cell phones being good for my health. I already do feel better." His southern accent made my knees go weak. I put the coffee powder in my cup, poured the hot water on it and went back to my living room.  
"I'm glad, I could help" I said with a smile and could swear I heard him smiling too.  
"But I still don't know what to do about my second problem..." He hesitated. "About you being so far away"  
I couldn't believe he was actually flirting with me.  
"Well, I guess we should do _something_ about it" I tried to sound confident.  
"What are you doing this weekend?" He asked as if he was asking what time it was.  
"What?" I didn't trust my ears. Was he implicating what I thought he was?!  
"You said that you're usually not working on the weekends, so if you don't have a case, you could come over and.. Ehm.. I could take you out on a _proper_ date." He murmured and I felt butterflies fly in my stomach.  
"That sounds great" I said honestly "but I can't promise you anything"  
"Yeah, it's fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have approached you like that" I could hear the disappointment in his voice.  
"No, no! I _wanna_ come. It's just that sometimes, quite often actually; we get called in pretty spontaneously." I didn't like the idea of turning down his first invitation so, knowing I would regret it later, I told Will that I would just tell Hotch I couldn't work on the weekend. I can't be on call 24/7, I hoped he would understand.  
Will was psyched. "Awesome, I insist you stay at my house, I can't make you pay for the flight and a hotel room. I'll sleep on the couch."  
"I wouldn't mind renting a room but now that you're offering it-"  
He interrupted me "please, give me a chance to make up the trouble you have to go through to get here"  
"Fine" I gave in. "But, listen, I had a long day and would really like to sleep now. Can I call you tomorrow?" I stuttered apologetically.  
"Anytime" he said. "Good night, JJ" and then he hung up.  
I threw myself on my bed, not believing what just happened. I was going to fly to new Orleans for a guy I didn't even know and then I would stay at his house. He was a detective after all, so I guessed I could trust him. Reid would have a statistic prepared now, on how police officers were just as likely to commit a crime as any other person.  
But Will was different. Wasn't he?  
I looked on the Internet for a flight, one arrived friday night and another one on Saturday morning. I texted will what he would prefer. It felt like I hadn't even sent it, when the reply came. 'The sooner the better' it said and I booked the one on Friday, texting Will my flight dates. 'I'll pick you up. Sweet dreams' he wrote and I lay down. I damned the cup of coffee, how retarded can a person be to drink a cup of coffee just before going to bed?  
So I just lay there, looking at the white ceiling, imagining what my life would be like if this wasn't just a two way ticket...

**Leave a review if you liked it or tell me what you didn't like :)**


	2. Chapter 2

_**CHAPTER 2**_

**Thank you all for the reviews, it's nice to have people appreciating my writing.**

_"It wasn't that long, and it certainly wasn't the kind of kiss you see in movies these days, but it was wonderful in its own way, and all I can remember about the moment is that when our lips touched, I knew the memory would last forever."  
-Nicholas Sparks  
_  
Luckily, we didn't have a case on Friday so I didn't have to tell anyone I had plans for the weekend. I knew Emily and Penelope would annoy me to death if I told them I was heading south to see the 'sweet detective with the accent', as Emily referred to him._  
_

I grabbed my bag from my apartment and drove to the airport immediately. The plane was leaving at 7 and I still had more than an hour till departure. I had spent the entire last night packing, not knowing what he thought of when he said, he'll 'take me out on a proper date' so I packed something for all kinds of occasions, careful not to exceed the weight limits for carry-on luggage.

I don't think I had been this nervous since I first applied to the BAU. I was so used to the jet that the waiting lines really set me off. The flight went by quickly, though. 2hours and 30 minutes whooshed right by and before I knew it I had to get off and face it. The day I had feared, yet looked forward to for almost a week.  
I had a little and talked to the girl next to me about annoying parents and how they're really the ones in puberty. She was a good distraction, I felt like a teenager again myself when we left the plane. The sweaty palms, the butterflies, I never thought I'd ever feel this young again.  
Not having to wait for my luggage, I was out pretty quickly.  
Will already waited for me, wearing skinny jeans and an open button down shirt. We exchanged greetings but didn't hug or anything, probably knowing it would only be awkward. Not that this was any less awkward. He took my bag, held every door for me and then opened the car door as well. The drive to his apartment was about 20 minutes and we talked about all sorts of things, from the color of the sky to favorite animals. It felt like we had known each other forever, like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be there.

His house was small but had two stories. I don't know what I had expected but definitely not this.  
He took me on a tour, starting with the kitchen. It was bigger than I'd imagined, modern, pastel-colored walls, tons of cookbooks in a shelter on the wall and a wooden counter. Everything was so clean; I pictured him cleaning up all morning when we moved on to the living room. It was quite roomy and modern as well. The beige sofa was placed opposite to the big flat screen on the wall and again, there were shelters full of books in the room. I could make out Shakespeare and Hemingway, he seemed to be a fan of classics, but also Crime books, from David Rossi for example. I had heard of him, he had worked at the BAU before i started. I went to a reading of his first novel at a library a while back. He was the reason I applied in the first place.  
The soft carpet massaged my feet as I walked to his family portrays above the fireplace. It was obvious who his dad was, they looked much alike and so I supposed the woman in the picture was his mom. "Your mom?" I asked, hoping he would tell me something about her. Will nodded. "Yes, they divorced when I was 11. My dad raised me from then on. She always said I was exactly like him. We're not really in touch."  
I appreciated him being so honest. I opened my mouth to tell him I'm sorry but he waved me off. "I know" he sighed, forcing a smile.  
We walked up the little staircase and stood in his bedroom. Light blue walls and a dark carpet. There was a huge bed, a little lamp on a nightstand and a big closet, for a man, anyway.  
"Did your ex girlfriend design it or something?" I asked, surprised how fashionable it was.  
"No, I picked everything out myself." He confessed.  
"It looks kind of cheesy" I joked.  
He laughed along and showed me the bathroom. It wasn't very big but bright and open, with a glass shower and white tiles on the floor and walls.  
It was beautiful, the kind of house I had always dreamed of. The kind of house you'd never believe a man lives in. My apartment at home was bare and empty. Mostly because I was never at home and when I was, I slept or worked.  
"Well, you might wanna get changed" he interrupted my thought. "We have dinner reservations in an hour."  
I nodded and wanted to go grab my bag from the hallway but Will was quicker than me and put it on the bed. "Take your time but try to be ready in 50 minutes." that shouldn't be hard; I'd never been the kind of woman to spend hours in the bathroom.  
I opened my bag and pulled out a black dress that was short at the front and a little longer in the back. I hadn't worn it in a very long time but it still seemed to fit. I put on some tights, thinking it might be cold outside at this time of the day. The only pair of heels I owned looked as good as new and made my legs look really long. God, I hadn't been dressed up like this in what seemed like forever. There had been a part of me that felt like I needed to impress him. I put my hair up in a high ponytail and applied some blush and mascara. When I felt comfortable, about 30 minutes after Will had left the room, I decided to go downstairs and look for him.  
His jaw dropped when I peeked in the living room. He sat on the couch, watching something on discovery channel. He stood up and raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me" he said "but I have a lady in my bedroom, I don't want her to see us together." He chuckled, kissing my cheek, and I hit him with my purse. "You said to dress up" I explained my appearance.  
"And you look beautiful."  
I blushed.  
He quickly went in his room to change as well.  
Meanwhile I looked through his DVDs and books. Action, comedy, drama, horror, he seemed to like everything. Only a few minutes later he was down again, wearing a suite that made his chest look like it was made out of marble.  
He held out a hand to me, took a bow and said "My fair lady, may I lead you outside." I took his hand, laughing at his theatre and followed him out. It was already dark and there were only a few lamps on the street where he lived. We linked arms and walked through a park that must be really beautiful at daylight but kind of creeped me out at night. I told Will how I see those situations every day, a man appearing out of nowhere, killing the boyfriend, raping the girl and dumping her in some trashcan.  
He held on tighter to me "Well, well, I didn't think you'd be afraid of the dark, Ms. F B I" I turned to him, looked straight into his eyes.  
"I'm not armed" I told him. "That's what makes us so confident: the gun in our pocket" I smiled at him.  
"Don't worry, Cher! I'll protect you. I don't need a weapon to kick ass" Our stares didn't loosen.  
"I bet" I joked, smiling.  
We kept on walking until we got to the restaurant a couple of blocks further away.  
Again he held the door for me and pulled up my chair.

Dinner was excellent, I had gotten so used to Chinese takeout and airport sushi, I had forgotten how much fun it was to eat.  
We talked on and on about nothing in particular. Sometimes the job came up and it was refreshing to talk to someone about it who wasn't part of my team. But he knew about me so I didn't have to hide anything. It felt as natural as breathing to be with him. It felt like the most common thing for us to sit at this table and have dinner together.

Will paid, even though I tried convincing him to share the check. "What kind of guy lets the lady pay on the first date?" he had asked me and I didn't know an answer to that.  
"Guess you gotta give in, then" He had laughed.

On our way home, we crossed the park again. "You're gonna protect me, right?" I said sarcastically as we entered the first dark spot.  
"Yes, I will" he replied in a calm voice and stopped walking. I turned around, watching his eyes sparkle in the pale moonlight. "Don't worry, I'll protect you" he whispered as he leaned down to kiss me. It was a short kiss, but as we opened our eyes again, we both smiled. It had been perfect, everything.  
He laid his arm around me as we went on walking. We didn't talk much after that but there was no awkward silence. Just the sound of the night.

He put his key in the lock and as we entered the hallway, we looked at each other again. I wondered if he expected me to invite him to sleep in a bed with me or if he understood it, if I left him on the couch. After all, we had met a week ago.  
And still, I was at his house, not even armed.  
"Goodnight, JJ" he said, kissed me quickly on the mouth and disappeared in the living room.  
Question solved, I guessed, and went up the stairs.  
His bed was comfortable, too comfortable; I was worried I might never be able to get up again. After changing and taking a quick shower, I lay down under his blankets, inhaling the smell of him and his washing powder. "What a gentlemen" I repeated to myself once again, before I fell asleep and dreamed of flowers in parks and soft arms around me to protect me from the kind of monsters I used to face all alone.  
Suddenly, I didn't feel alone anymore, I felt like nothing could harm me anymore.

**Hope you liked it :)  
Leave are a review if you did or, as always, tell me what I could do better.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**CHAPTER 3**_

**Thanks for the reviews.**

_"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." _  
_-Douglas Adams_

I woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon. After seriously considering going downstairs in my PJs, I changed into a pair of skinny jeans and a shirt.

"That smells wonderful" I pointed out as I walked into the kitchen. Will put the eggs on a plate, it looked like a smiling face with the bacon and the toast.  
"How do you like your coffee?" He asked as he poured me a cup.  
"Thanks" I said, taking some sugar myself.  
"Did you sleep well?" God, his accent really was too sexy.  
"Like a baby"  
"Good, 'cause I have some things planned that might require some energy." He winked at me. That sounded like fun, I was just hoping he wouldn't make me go for a run with him or something.  
"Would you be so kind to tell me what we are going to do?"  
"Nope. It's gonna be a _surprise_."  
He let me finish my breakfast, threw the dishes in the dishwasher and led the way outside, once again taking my hand, like we'd been dating for years and it had gotten habit to do so.  
"Where are we _going_?" I asked skeptically as he steered me in the opposite direction of the park.  
"Shh" he put the index finger of his free hand on his lips. "It's still a surprise."  
We walked for quite some time until we got closer to the river and I started to get an idea of what we were gonna do.  
As I had predicted we stopped in front of a Paddlewheel steamboat that was gonna show us the city from the Mississippi river. "I hope you don't get seasick" he asked but I shook my head. He let go of my hand to walk on the boat after me. The view was beautiful, I travel to so many cities every year but still there's never any time to really see and experience them. "I've always wanted to do this, I hope it's better than the attraction in Disneyland" I laughed, remembering my trip when I was a teenager.  
"Well, I don't know about Disneyland but this one's pretty cool".  
We went outside, the fresh breeze in our faces, as the boat took off. There were hardly any conversations apart from my 'ah's and 'oh's that I let out from time to time, being so stunned by the beautiful view.  
"The last time I was here, a woman imitated Jack The Ripper" I remembered, thinking of under which circumstances Will and I had met. "Never thought it could get any prettier than that".  
"That _is_ hard to top." he turned around to look me in the eyes. "But I'm glad you like it."  
"How could I not, it's-" but his lips interrupted me. Moving in perfect unison, we stood at the front of a boat on the mississippi river, passing the city until we reached the final stop about 2 minutes later. His tongue was cold and he tasted of chocolate and mint, my two favorite flavors. Maybe I imagined it, maybe I didn't, but it sure was the nicest afternoon I had had in a very long time.

We ate dinner quite early, around 5, 'cause Will said we'd see a movie later. He cooked spaghetti and I watched him, rummaging through drawers and shelves, looking for the right ingredients. It was delicious, of course, but the desert really swooped me off my feet. Hot Apple pie with ice cream and I don't know what he did with it, but it tasted like heaven itself.

On our way home, I was freezing a little bit and as cheesy as everything that day had already been, he put his jacket on my shoulders.  
"You tired?" he asked when we reached the house and I yawned in response. "I guess I am" I concluded, heading towards the stairs when he held on to my hand, turning me around again.  
"You weren't gonna leave without a proper goodbye kiss, were you?" He smiled.  
I blushed, biting my lip, being embarrassed that I had expect him to follow me upstairs.  
Our lips touched for only a short moment but it was enough to make me feel shaky as I walked up the stairs, hearing him fluff up a pillow on the couch.  
I changed quickly and fell in his bed, thinking of this wonderful Saturday, I was fast asleep very soon, dreaming of boats and movies and handsome detectives...

**Hope you liked it.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**_CHAPTER 4  
_  
Thanks again for the reviews. Sorry that this one is so short but I'm very busy with school.**

_Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,_  
_And sorry I could not travel both _  
_And be one traveler, long I stood _  
_And looked down one as far as I could _  
_To where it bent in the undergrowth_  
_-Robert Frost_The next morning was weird, I had been there for only 2 nights, yet his bed seemed oddly familiar to me.

After taking a quick shower, changing into some comfortable clothes and packing my bag, I went downstairs to find Will sitting at the kitchen table, having a cup of coffee, no extravagant breakfast this time.  
"I'm sorry" I apologized. "I tried to keep it down, hope I didn't wake you up."  
But he shook his head, a disappointed expression on his face. "Don't worry. I couldn't sleep anyway." His voice was monotone but he looked me straight in the eyes.  
"Is anything wrong?" I asked concerned, he looked really tired.  
"You're leaving" he pointed out, as if I didn't already know. "Again."  
"I'll be back" His face lightened up the second I told him. "If you'll have me" I added, just to be polite, knowing he wouldn't say no.  
"Don't be ridiculous" he stood up and pulled me in his arms, his breath was fresh, I wondered how he had brushed his teeth until I noticed a little door in the hallway. Must be another bathroom.  
"You're always welcome here." his voice was sincere. Why had he thought that I was just gonna leave and never return? He sure didn't have a good self-concept. How come there didn't seem to be many people telling him how truly wonderful he is? This confused me, I had thought he was a player, with the woman at the bar giving him a drink, even though he sat there with me. What if she was really just being bold, and thought he was the same way I thought he was until then?!

I rested my head on his chest, taking in his sweet scent with every breath. It was embarrassing, I was acting like a teenager. But then again, weren't teenage romances the best of all? The adventures, make out sessions in the girl's room, love notes passed around in English class. Nothing can keep up with the excitement of first love. On the other hand, my last high school romance ended with a broken heart, the way they usually do, and left me with major trust issues.  
No, this was different, I told myself.

"So, what do you want for breakfast?" He asked, going deeper into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door.  
"Just some orange juice, please." My stomach was already full. With butterflies.

We were in a good mood as we walked to the departure gate at the airport; we had gotten over the hard part of talking about seeing each other again.  
When it was time to say goodbye, I was less sad than I had expected. I knew that I would be back, back in his arms. If we didn't have a case, maybe even the next weekend.  
"Call we me when you get home." He pressed his lips on mine one last time before letting go of my hand and watching me walk away.

Sunday night was girl's night with penelope and Emily and I had trouble focusing, with all the memories that I couldn't tell anyone about, 'cause they'd want to know every single detail and if I told them, the bubble Will and I were in would have popped and I wasn't sure if I was ready to leave my dream just yet.

Only a few minutes after we got there, Emily came to our table with some guy that claimed to be a real FBI agent. After playing with him, we asked if he had to carry his badge with him, which he confirmed but said he couldn't show us. That's when we asked playfully if it looked like ours and when we pulled them out our bags, he turned around and never looked back.  
At least Will didn't need to lie about himself, which was easy since there was nothing to dislike about him.

Of course Emily tried to hook me up with every decent guy she saw, wedding ring or no wedding ring. "This one was hot" she pointed out when another guy walked by, when I rolled my eyes for the twentieth time, she looked at me in a weird way. "What is going on with you, JJ, why would you look so happy when you rebuff every guy who asks for your number? Did you meet someone in the bathroom earlier tonight?" when I shook my head heavily, she swore to stay on my tracks until she knew who made me smile like this, but for once in my life, I hoped she'd need a long time to figure out this case...

**As always, leave a review if you liked it, or tell me what you didn't like :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**_CHAPTER_****_ 5_**

**Thanks for the reviews, keep them up.****  
**

_"I don't know when we'll see each other again or what the world will be like when we do. We may both have seen many horrible things. But I will think of you every time I need to be reminded that there is beauty and goodness in the world."_  
_-Arthur Golden_

The week went by slowly, although I was busier than ever 'cause I hadn't worked on the weekend, I checked the clock every five minutes, hoping I could get home to call Will.  
He would tell me about his day, about this girl who was abducted, which he found alive, almost unharmed. When I told him about those kind of cases we had, I heard him smile at the other end of the line. "I never thought I could actually talk to anyone about my work who wasn't on my team" he pointed week went by slowly, although I was busier than ever cause I hadn't worked on the weekend. I looked at the clock every five minutes, hoping I could get home to call Will.  
Well, if he wanted to tell me about cases, I was the girl to talk to, having seen almost everything in my work experience, while I was still completely surprised everytime I arrived at a new crime scene. This world was so cruel. Still, I couldn't stop smiling whenever I heard his voice.

He called me almost every evening, except the one night we were in San Francisco on a case, and we talked for hours; while preparing food, while eating it, while getting ready for bed. I never wanted to hang up until the tiredness left me no choice.

My job didn't allow me to know if I had the weekend off or not, I couldn't even be sure if had Sunday morning off, when I went to bed on a Saturday evening. Being spontaneous had never been a problem for me. Until now. It was hard to plan a romantic weekend when my phone could ring any minute, telling me to go back to the office and fly across the continent.  
Will insisted on coming anyway, even though I told him how unlikely it was to get two weekends in a row off. "I'll wait for you at your apartment until you get back." He promised but I reminded him that I never knew when I got back, once we left.  
"I'm coming" was all he answered until he gave me his flight dates a couple of minutes later. He would be arriving on Friday night and leaving on Sunday evening. "Looking forward to seeing you, cher. Gotta go now, guy's night out. My partner Charlie just got engaged and he thinks the best way to celebrate it, is go to a bar." We laughed for a moment until he says that he really has to go.

I whispered a goodbye but he had already hung up.

My apartment was boring, how could I possibly keep up with the last weekend? There was no romantic park, no paddlewheel boat, we didn't even have good weather. I lived just outside of Washington DC, so I hoped we could spend an entire day of sightseeing.

Penelope almost cried when I asked her to go shopping the next day after work. It's not like we never went shopping but I did have to admit, that I hadn't bought new clothes in quite a while. "I'll call Emily" she sang before hanging up. Great. A profiler. No fancy evening dresses, then if I wanted to keep my relationship a secret. In case it was a relationship. We had never really qualified it as such.  
Emily had a suspicious look on her face the entire time we were together and it grew even more suspicious whenever I ran my fingers over the racks of fancy dresses or lingerie.  
Penelope was too excited for us to be shopping, to really notice my behavior. Thank god her job was to trust facts and nothing else. She bought another pair of kitten ears, five hundred pairs of colored tights and some really high pumps. She would be lost, if she had to work in the field, I laughed to myself.  
Emily stopped. "JJ, seriously. I'm a fucking profiler for god's sake! For how long do you think you can hide something from me?"  
I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. "I don't have a clue what you're talking about! You know, if anything was up, you'd be the first one to know!"  
Penelope cleared her throat.  
"The two of you would be" I corrected myself.  
"Promise?" Emily didn't look convinced.  
"Promise" I agreed, lifting my hand to my heart. I hated lying to her. My job was to trust her, to trust her with my life and here I was, lying about something as banal as a guy.  
But I just couldn't bring myself to tell her, being afraid she'd judge me or whatever. I wanted to tell her, I really did. But somehow, I just couldn't.  
Before they could talk me into going out for a drink with them, I said my goodbyes and called it a night. „See ya tomorrow morning girls! Bright and early" I sang as they waved goodbye, as expected, walking to the closest pub.

When I got home, I put my new jeans and socks (yes, socks! How pathetic is that), on the table in my bedroom and fell into my bed, still dressed up.

I fell asleep before I knew it, not being able to wait for the next day to come. I would see Will again...


	6. Chapter 6

_**CHAPTER 6**_

_"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."_  
_-Roald Dahl_

I looked at the dozens of case files on my desk. It was Friday afternoon and I would get to go home in only half an hour. But I couldn't stop looking at the pictures. Every Saturday at noon, the Neosho PD in Missouri found another woman's body in some trashcan. I wanted to go home, get my head free and wait for Will to arrive. I really did. But what if it was me? I'd want someone tracking down that son of a bitch who did this.  
I knocked on Hotch's office door. "Do you have a minute?" I asked shyly, he still intimidated me even after I had worked here for more than two years. "Sure, come in JJ" he put away whatever he was working on and focused on me.  
I showed him the file, the pictures, the names the fingerprints the police had found. He knew that cases about woman my age always made me uncomfortable and I may even tend to take those more often than cases about dead men, but since I was still in the job, he didn't seem to mind too much.  
His face was serious as always, I looked at the pictures on his desk, his son was no older than two. Immediately I wished I had never come through this door. If Hotch approved and I could see that he was about to, he would have to call his wife and tell her he wouldn't be home for dinner. He wouldn't be home for breakfast either and given the danger of this job, he may never be home again.  
"We have 18 hours until he kills again. I'll call the team; we'll brief them on the plane". Happy we took the case, I had to face the sad consequence: I had to call Will and tell him to stay home.  
On our way to the airport, I texted him quickly. 'We have a case, it's pretty bad and couldn't wait until Monday. So, so sorry.' my fingers trembled as I pressed the send button. He'd be fine, I told myself, in comparison to those women.  
'You think you'll be home by tomorrow?' he replied.  
'Don't know, hope we catch him before he kills again tomorrow morning at 11'  
'I'm sure you will. I believe in you. Talk to you later'. I closed my phone and leaned back in the seat. "Who are you texting?" Emily asked in a creepy Voice. Damn, who could I possibly be texting, when all of my friends sat in the same car with me. "Penelope" was the first thing to come to my mind, praying she wouldn't ask her about it later.  
Without saying anything else, she leaned back in her seat as well and stared out the window.  
Keeping this a secret seemed much tougher than I had expected.

The detective in Neosho, Missouri, looked exactly the way I had pictured her, after speaking to her on the phone about our arrival. She was thin, her long brown hair was in two braids, her body wasn't very feminine.  
We worked through almost the entire night, Garcia faithfully by our side until Reid's geographical profile helped us discover the missing clue; the man killed at places where the prostitutes used to go. He did all this because his mother, who he felt had ruined his childhood with her job, was one herself.  
We found him in his mother's house. Elizabeth, the victim was unconscious but stable. She would need years to recover. Physically, of course, but especially mentally. How will she ever let her husband touch her again, after going through hell for 6 entire days. All she wanted was to drop her son off at school and get some water at the next 7-eleven. How is one supposed to feel safe, when you're not even protected from things like this in every day situations?  
With a sigh, I packed up our stuff and emptied my cup of coffee.  
When I was sure everyone was out of the office, I snapped open my phone and dialed his number. "JJ" he picked up after the first ring.  
"Hey, sorry I didn't call last night, we only got a few hours of sleep."  
"Don't worry. So I'm guessing you caught that guy?"  
"We did" I confirmed, not wanting to tell any details about the way it ended. Suicide by cop is not a pretty thing. "I'm sorry I cancelled our weekend. Hope you're free next weekend."  
"I'll just make time. Are you heading home now?"  
"Yeah, the flight's just gonna take a little more than two hours." I was so busy thinking of my soft bed and fluffy pillow that I almost didn't realize it when Emily entered the office.  
"Gotta go, call you when I land" I said hastily and hung up on him. It was rude and I felt bad instantly. What was my problem with people knowing about him?


	7. Chapter 7

_**CHAPTER 7**_

**Did you know that koalas are always so tired , 'cause all they eat is eucalyptus, which almost doesn't contain any energy?...  
Enjoy. Leave a review if you did.**

_"Goodbye, said the fox. And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." _  
_-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry_

Totally messed up and tired like a koala, I put the keys on the little table in the hallway and dragged my feet into my apartment. Home, sweet home.  


Before I had time to change into my pajamas after I ate something, the doorbell rang. Who could it be? Did I forget something on the plane? Was Emily bringing it back to me personally? I peeked through the spy.  
No, of course not. It was Will.  
He really had some nerves, showing up here after I explicitly told him to stay where he was. I checked my hair in the mirror, thank God I was still dressed, I went to open him. "Good afternoon, Cher" he entered, kissing my cheek softly.  
"How on earth do you know where I live?" was my first response to his appearance on my doorstep.  
"We might not have a Penelope Garcia but I _am_ a detective after all, I can get people's addressees, especially if I have their phone number."  
"It's the middle of the night" I told him. I felt bad for my grumpy mood, I was just so damn tired.  
"It's 5 o clock, my dear!" Damn, really?  
"It's dark"  
"Only 'cause you closed the Shades" he pointed to my windows. I couldn't help but smile.  
"Wishful thinking" I murmured as he dropped his bag and jacket onto the couch.  
"Someone's in a baad mood." He sang as he pulled me tight to give me a proper good-to-see-you-again-kiss.  
"I'm sorry." Being pissed at him was the last thing I wanted. "I'm just really tired and, to be honest, surprised to see you." Did he really think he could just settle on the couch and don't mention the surprise part in his surprise visit?  
"You sounded a little off at the phone and I thought you might want to talk about it, plus, I had already taken the weekend off, so-" he pulled a bottle of wine out of his bag- "I brought something to inspire you."  
I did want to talk about it. But not with him. Not with some stranger I'd been dating for a week. Two, If you counted our daily phone calls between our case in New Orleans and my first private visit.  
"Come on, sweetie, I flew a thousand miles to see you, can I at least get a little smile?  
"I prefer white wine" I couldn't suppress the smile anymore.  
"Here we go. Shall I get you some white one now, or do you think you can survive a night with red?"  
"I can. But I don't think my couch does" I poured two glasses, handed him one and followed him to the living room. My clumsiness was the only reason I never drank red wine, dresses and tablecloths just never survived my attacks.  
"Now tell me, what's wrong?" I tried to remember which moment he could be referring to exactly. Emily walking in the door and surprising me? How was I supposed to explain to him that I didn't want to tell people about us?  
"Look, I know your job is hard but there's no use in keeping it all inside. Let it out. I can take it. I know-"  
"No you don't" I interrupted him. "You don't know nothing about my job or how hard it is! You investigate crimes of passion, suicides. I have to face limbless people too often, how much do they expect me to take? I'm not made of iron. Did you know I'm the one who picks out the cases?" I asked, hoping he wasn't mad, cause I had raised my voice a little. He shook his head.  
"You never talk about your job. The only thing I know is what I saw when you were working with me" he seemed disappointed.  
"Well, I do. Every day, dozens of desperate sheriffs and detectives consult me, beg me to come and help them, when I'm not even the one doing the hard work. And then I come home and still can't stop thinking about what happened. And that's when I start to wonder. What if I didn't make the right choice?  
I could have chosen another case. Or none at all, for the weekend at least. Those were kids. Someone's babies! Some sick guy kept them for a year and then buries them like he has a right to. Like he owned them. And I chose to save the women, our UnSub had a cooling off period of only seven days in opposite to the other one. It seemed more urgent. Is it easier for a child to grow up without it's mother, or a mother to grow old without her child?  
It shouldn't be in my power to decide this. I shouldn't be making those decisions. I shouldn't be the one who brings home someone's mommy and refuses to save someone else's child. I shouldn't be." My eyes filled with tears. How many nights have I sat there and thought about that? It took me more than two years to actually admit it to someone and that someone was practically a stranger.  
Will noticed my body stiffen and poured me some more wine. Without saying anything, he came closer, I put my head on his chest and stared at the floor.  
"You don't need to do this job, if it's too much." But I wanted to, my whole life was about those rare family reunions I got to be a part of. What would I do with all my time, if no one called me in the middle of the night, telling me to go to the airport straightaway.  
"I just didn't sleep much, tiredness always makes me quite melancholic. And now the wine-" I held up the glass. "That's why I told you not to come, I knew I wouldn't be any fun to be around today" I apologized.  
"Well, I don't know about _you_ but I'm having a looot of fun right now" I knew that he wasn't but it was just too charming that he tried to cheer me up.  
"Tell me a story" I yawned, put the glass down and rested my hand on his chest as well. His hands were on my back, stroking my hair now and again.  
Knowing I didn't mean that kind of story, he began to tell me a fairytale. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess..." that's all I remember before I must have fallen asleep.

I woke up at 6 o clock, lying in my bed. I quickly did the math, let's say I fell asleep at 5:30, I must have slept for 12,5 hours?  
Feeling comfortably rested, I got up to find Will still sleeping. Dressed and refreshed, I went back to the living room to find him with his shirt off, about to put on another one.  
His back was even more muscular than I had expected. He turned around to face me when he heard my footsteps. His face lit up when he saw me.  
"Glad to see you're still alive. Thought you had died last night."  
My face turned bright red. "I'm sorry, I'm sure you had thought of something else when you flew here to see me"  
He shook his head, taking my hand. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care if you're asleep or awake." I wasn't sure if that was romantic or creepy, I went for creepy and responded to his kiss.  
"You do look very cute when you sleep, though. Haven't seen anything so peaceful in quite a while. And I see dead people every day" I slapped his shoulder, trying to hide that I had felt really comfortable on him.  
"Let's get you some breakfast now. I checked your drawers last night, we better go out."  
"What? You don't like frozen lasagna and toast without butter for breakfast?" I gave him a shocked expression.  
"Very funny" he placed his hand on my back and pushed me out the door so we could make up for the lost dinner the night before...


	8. Chapter 8

**_CHAPTER_ 8**

_"There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me."  
-Jane_ Austen**  
**

Will found a nice French café, I swear I had never noticed before. We sat down at a small table, ordered café au lait and croissants. Even though it was early, the sun rose over the rooftops, filling the little parking spot, which was turned into the café, with light.  
"I've always wanted to see France" I sighed.  
Not answering, he looked me straight in my eyes. "I appreciate it, you know. You're honesty"  
I started to feel uncomfortable. "It was just the tiredness. Whenever I haven't slept in a while, I act like I'm drunk. Sorry, I babbled about my stupid cases and stories all night." I apologized.  
"Don't be silly, they're terrifying and horrible and sometimes even quite gross! But they're not stupid. You're the strongest person I know. Just another thing to admire about you."  
I bit my lip to keep me from smiling.  
He leaned over the table to kiss me for a moment until the waitress appeared with our orders.  
We both said our thank-yous and focused on another again. I shook my head as if I could remove the embarrassing memories of the previous night, me sleeping on his chest without asking permission. It was unprofessional. Until I realized this wasn't a job. This was something different and, to be honest, entirely new to me. I wondered how long it would take me to fully lose the orders I'm given at my job and just focus on my feelings, listen to my heart rather than my mind. It's not a well-kept secret that love is blind.  
Anyway, he was being cute and my mind just wandered off. When I was back in the situation, I didn't reply, just smiled at him and took a bite of my croissant.  
"So, what are the plans for today? My flight's at 8:30, which still leaves us about 12 hours to do something fun.  
"Have you ever been to DC before?" Please say no, I wouldn't know what else to do! Please say know.  
"No, I had planned on going here last spring but a case got in the way. You're not the only one with a flexible job." He winked at me. Thank god. I had studied enough about DC to function as a tour guide.  
"Well then, we're gonna do some sightseeing, I guess"  
"You don't know a nice café to have breakfast at but you _can_ show me around in our nation's capital?" He asked in disbelief.  
"Don't be such a jerk, I'm a workaholic. You can google it. That's what we do. We work and never see the outside of our apartments. Knowing _where_ I work is just part of the job"  
"JJ." He put his hand on mine. "You're officially the most boring and most interesting woman I have ever met."

We took the subway from one sight to another, I told endless stories and gave background information that "not even the president himself knows" Will laughed.  
Now and then he took a picture, carefully not to photograph me. Why? Doesn't he want any pictures of me? Was he gonna leave me and never call me again? Could he even leave me? Leaving means there would have to be something that he could leave. A relationship, a quick flirt, a short romance.  
"What is this?" I blurted out as he almost kneeled on the floor to capture the white house! He got up slowly, lifted the camera to his eyes and took a shot of my surprised face. So that wasn't a problem then, after all.  
"I don't know, what would you like it to be?" he asked shyly.  
"I don't know" was all I could say.  
Before he gave me a chance to fully think about it, he pulled me into his arms, kissed me and took a picture of it. Of us. Kissing.  
Relieved that he didn't seem to be embarrassed of me or planning on leaving me, we held hands as we wandered through the city. Headed into no particular direction, just walking and talking, like we had all the time in the world. Not thinking about having to say goodbye later. We were almost like a normal couple, kind of in a mister-and-mrs-smith-knowing-about-each-other's-jobs-and-being-in-a-far-distance-relationship-way.  
It was kind of beautiful. I experienced more normalcy in a single afternoon than I had in the past 2 years.  
It wasn't like I had more time, I had just found a better way to spend it...


	9. Chapter 9

**_CHAPTER 9_**

**Thank you for the nice reviews, especially JMV and meika24 who defended me. as I already told Tolkien, I write this because I enjoy it and find pleasure in imagining they're lives off screen, Will appearing on the show so rarely only gives me more creative freedom, which I quite like.**

_"You took life by the horns and tried to hold on tight, for fear of being ripped to shreds, left bloodied and battered."  
__-Holly Hood_

I was glad to be at his place again. My apartment was small and I felt embarrassed with him around. His apartment on the hand was a house. Two bathrooms, an enormous bedroom, a big kitchen with tons of spices and cooking utensils.  
He put my bag on the kitchen table, took the rose, which he had given me at the airport, out of my hands and put it in a small vase. "May I ask what it was for?" I asked carefully.  
"Happy 3 week anniversary" He sang and pulled a small cake out of the fridge. "Well, technically, it was yesterday but I had trouble giving you the cake through the phone."  
He was just too good to be true. How many relationships had I had until then? One lasted more than a year and I never even got a box of chocolate. And here I stood, in a detective's kitchen, with a cake that said '3 weeks'. I felt like crying, I was so overwhelmed with the situation. This wasn't just some quick flirt after all. If there was an anniversary, it meant that there was _something_ and that something seemed more than enough for a start.  
There were a million words I could have said, some of them really trashy, others seemed too simple to express my feelings. Instead, I just said "thank you".  
"You're very welcome."

We ate the cake on the couch, watching some lame movie someone had given him for his birthday. It bored us so much, we hardly focused on it, being too distracted with each other. On the occasions we did watch it, we made jokes about the bad actors and nasty dialogues. The sound of my grumbling tummy interrupted the 'epic final scene' Will had just made fun of.  
"Sorry, I haven't eaten anything since this morning" I apologized.  
"What? Why?"  
"Well, I worked through my lunch break at work and then I had to hurry home, get my stuff and drive to the airport. Of course there was no food on the plane and the small piece of cake we had earlier was my lunch substitute."  
"I'm just glad you explained it to me in such great detail. I wouldn't know what to do without this information." He said sarcastically. I hit him with my elbow. Since we had gotten over the awkwardness of being a new couple, things were even easier with him. It felt light as a feather.  
"Let's get you something to eat" he turned the TV off and grabbed his keys.  
We went to a small Italian restaurant across the park, having pizza and wine. "You like Italy as well?" He asked. I was surprised he had listened to me last week when I told him I'd always wanted to see France, let alone remember it.  
"I like to eat and I was told Italy is the place to go" I admitted. Going to Italy or France always seemed like a far dream to me. Europe in general. I travel so much, I don't really feel like spending hours on a plane when I have a week off. Which I never do, anyway. It was enough that I had a far distance relationship which only forced me to travel even more. Totally worth it, of course.  
"I was in Italy once. During college. It's not a cliché, you know! They really do eat pizza and pasta all day, drive around on their Vespas and yell at each other in public, only to make out again the next second. Don't know if they carry a baguette under their armpits in France all day, though."  
I laughed at the image in my head. "Sounds wonderful. Sunny weather, olive trees, old cathedrals. It must be really magical." Without being able to control it, images flooded my mind, of Will and I walking through old alleys, holding hands, sunglasses, dark haired people wherever we looked.  
It was Will who brought me back to reality, I swear he even snapped his fingers at me.  
"If you want anything else?" he asked, seeming annoyed. But not in an annoyed way. It was more like he was fascinated at how absent I had been or something like that.  
"No, I'm fine, thank you" I told him, my cheeks burning as I looked up at the waitress.

Since we were one big cheesy cliché, it started to rain as we walked home. My feet hurt in the heels. I had walked all week and didn't get a lot of sleep, due to two cases in a row.  
"Damn" he sighed and pulled me off the path, so we could rest under a tree. "I'm sorry, I didn't see the rain coming. I would have brought an umbrella for you." He apologized but I shook my head.  
"Don't worry, I'm not made of sugar." I took off my shoes and hid under the jacket Will had covered my hair with. "Let's go" I said and took his hand.  
Soaking wet, we arrived at his place only a few minutes later. He handed me a towel to dry my hair. "You want to get changed first?" I nodded and went upstairs.  
When I came down again, he already wore dry clothes. Where the hell did he hide them? Perhaps he snuck into the bedroom while I was in the bathroom.  
"Do you want a drink? Or are you tired, I always forget how exhausting your job must be, compared to mine, anyway."  
"No, I don't wanna drink" I said in a calm voice and stepped closer.  
"Well, what do you want to do then?" As an answer, I got on the tips of my toes and kissed him, slowly at first but it became more passionate. He instantly knew where I was heading and joined the kiss. His hands moved from my neck, down my spine, to the small of my back. I tightened my grip on his hair when he lifted me off my feet and carried me upstairs, our lips remaining locked the entire time.  
He sat me down on his bed and leaned over me to look at me again. He softly stroked my cheek and removed the hair from my face. I unbuttoned his shirt to reveal his hard abs. Like it was made out of marble.  
He pulled my shirt over my head and kissed my neck, my breast, my belly. His lips were gentle and soft when he pressed them onto mine again.  
Time stood still that night and no memory of sadistic UnSubs and tough weeks at work mattered anymore. It was just us two. Will and I against the world...

**I dedicate this chapter to Annalusa, who's probably not even reading this and claims to be much calmer than me when we watch criminal minds but I know, deep inside her heart, she is equally obsessed with serial killers and hidden love stories as I am.  
Leave a review if you liked it or tell me what I could do better, I welcome your criticism as long as it's at least a bit constructive.**


	10. Chapter 10

_**CHAPTER 10**_

**This is set the weekend after Season 3 Episode 1 since we usually don't know which day it is in the series.**

_"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction."  
__-Oscar Wilde_

"When you're in college, all you want is to have fun and live your life. No one should take that away from you or scare you of going out in the dark" I explained to Will. We sat on my couch, my legs in his lap, I had a glass of red wine in my hand and talked about our most recent case. He said nothing, just listened to me pour my heart out, knowing once I was done, I'd be _all_ his.

It had gotten kind of a routine. I flew to New Orleans or he flew to DC, unless I had a case. I'd tell him about my week, he'd grimace now and again, if I got too detailed and after about 15 minutes, we would move on to normal things again.  
During the week, we would talk on the phone, usually every second night, unless I was too tired.  
"What does the rest of your team do? Who does Emily tell her stories?" He wondered. That was a good question, indeed. I assumed she just kept it to herself like I had until then. "Guess she keeps a diary or something" I shrugged.  
"Well, in that case, I'm glad I can function as a diary." He winked at me, leaned forward and kissed my forehead.  
"I'm sorry you have to listen to this. I keep forgetting how awful this must sound to an outsider."  
"It's fine. I'm always happy if I can help."  
"Oh, you do" I reassured him. He was my rock. The arms who caught me when I fell, the lips who shut me up if I started hyperventilating over nothing. "And I can think of something else, you might function as." I added, getting up and sitting down in his lap again.  
"Oh, and what might it be, my darling?" He asked in the most adorable british accent.  
Instead of answering, I kissed him fervidly.

Reid's call reached me in the middle of the night, Will moaned beside me as my work phone started ringing.  
"Don't tell me you got a case at-" he turned the light of my alarm clock on- "3 o clock" he turned around again and hid under the covers.  
I couldn't hide a smile but got up and went to the kitchen to take it. "Agent Jareau" I answered, just to be secure, although I already knew it was Reid, his number had been shown on the display.  
"Hey, it's Reid! Did I wake you or something?" he stammered.  
"Well, it is 3am after all"  
There was a quiet click, as if he'd checked his watch or something. "I'm so sorry, go back to sleep" he was about to hang up again when I interrupted him. "I'm up now anyway, so tell me what's wrong. I doubt you'd call without a reason."  
"Gideon's gone"  
"What do you mean? Did you call the police? What happened?" I got nervous, waiting for more information.  
"No, not like that. He left the team, the BAU"  
It is always hard to lose one of our own. And if one of our own loses a loved one, it's hard for us as well.  
Sarah's loss had been tough on Gideon and I saw him struggling every day. We all knew the day would come that he would leave us, turn his back on the BAU and let us fight the monsters alone. I hadn't expected it to be so soon, though.  
"Are you ok?" I asked concerned. Gideon was Reid's mentor after all, him leaving would be the most difficult for Reid. I was even afraid that he may leave us, too.  
"Yeah, it's just. I didn't know who else to call" his voice broke.  
"Do you want me to tell the rest of the team? I could call Hotch" Not in the middle of the night, perhaps, his wife already hated his job enough. Can't blame her, though. I couldn't stand my husband to be in such danger 5 days a week. Especially since they have a kid. What would she tell little Jack if Hotch died in the field? 'Daddy's not coming home again. He's a hero' that's just a cozy lie.  
"No, I'll tell them in the morning. Go back to sleep, JJ. I'm sorry I woke you." He apologized but I stopped him again before he could hang up. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked carefully, knowing Reid wasn't the talkative kind of guy.  
But before I knew it, he talked on and on about how Gideon had motivated him to stay in the BAU, whenever he was struggling with himself.  
About an hour later, I heard footsteps in the hallway. "Are you ever coming back to bed again?" Will yawned but I quickly put my hand over his mouth.  
"What was that?" Reid asked suspiciously. Damn, this wasn't the right moment to tell him.  
"Nothing" I didn't sound convincing. "I must have turned the radio on by accident. Can you believe they don't even play music at night? It's always just babbling about stuff no one cares about"  
I seemed to have confused Reid. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, JJ and thanks for listening" he hang up on me before I could say goodnight, too.  
"What was that?" Will asked, biting my hand. I pulled it away.  
"Gideon's left the team and Reid called to tell me. I'm sure this wasn't the right moment to tell him I had a boyfriend, for the lack of a better word." I bit my lip, to hide the nervousness, Will must have thought the team already knew about us.  
"For the lack of a better word?" he raised his eyebrows. Thank god, he overheard the 'you're my _secret_ lover' part.  
"I suppose we're too old to call ourselves _boyfriend_ and _girlfriend_." I hated those words, they always reminded me of high school. Manfriend sounded ridiculous, too so I added the 'for the lack of a better word'.  
"_I_ like it. It sounds like I own you or something." He teased me.  
"I have never heard of that definition but I guess you kind of do. Until some hotter detective comes along, of course." I teased him back.  
"Of course." He repeated my words, lifted me off my feet and carried me to my bedroom so he could show me how hard it would be to find an even hotter detective...


	11. Chapter 11

**_CHAPTER 11_**

**Another milestone in their relationship.**

_"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."_  
_-Pablo Neruda_

"You got that look on your face! _Again_." Penelope walked beside me, almost running in her heels while I walked at a normal pace to the round table room.  
"What look?" I pretended I didn't know what she was talking about. If I felt this happy and relaxed, they must notice it, too. Profiler or no profiler, the butterflies in my stomach must have been obvious. In fact, my smile's source was still waiting in my apartment, hoping I'd be back before he left the next day.  
"That 'I-just-got-laid-look'" she filled me in. Oh wow, she went even deeper than I had thought she would.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about! But do you know who else have that look on their faces? 6 woman in Atlanta. You wanna talk about some crazy something you see in my eyes or save another from getting it against her will?" I snapped at her. She closed her mouth abruptly and hurried silently behind me. I felt so bad for being rude to her but, as crazy as it might sound, my happiness was my vulnerable spot.  
I briefed the team and we flew to Atlanta, returning on the same night after the UnSub confessed in a video message and was taken into custody without further offensives. Sometimes this job was just too weird.  
But I was glad I could go home. As always, the team invited me to go out for a drink with them and, as always, I had declined it due to work and tiredness.

When I got home, the lights were dimmed and I saw a little glow behind my couch.  
"Will?" I asked into the room, uncertain where he was.  
"Over here" he sang from the kitchen. Keeping the lights off, I followed my instincts and the smell of pizza.  
"How'd you know, I'd be home so soon?" I asked confused  
"You texted me?!" He stated at me in confusion as well. Oh, right, I had told him we were done before we got on the plane. He gave me a welcome home kiss, took off my jacket and threw it on the floor.  
"Wow, what a gentleman" I teased him.  
"Whatever, follow me" He kicked it away and showed me around the corner of the couch. On the floor lay a red blanket, two candles, wine and the smell of pizza from the oven couldn't be missed either.  
"Will, what-" I was about to ask when he interrupted me with his answer.  
"Since I couldn't get you to that new Italian restaurant, I thought I'd bring it here. No one loves pizza more than you do" he winked at me. That might just be true, pizza was awesome. _Is_ awesome.  
"Why did it have to be on the floor? I have a great dining room table about 6 feet away from here?" He was so cheesy, I felt like the protagonist in some lame Nicholas sparks movie.  
"It's more _romantic_ that way?!" He gave me a look that said 'duh? Why didn't you think of that yourself?' and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Now sit down and wait for me to get the pizza. Appetizer, main course and desert in one" he told me as I sat down on my living room floor.  
"I could think of something else for desert" I alluded when he came back, leaning over the candles, careful not to burn my hair again.  
"Me too" he said in his sexy voice. "I just saw some ice cream in the freezer"  
I laughed out loud and took the first piece of pizza.  
I thought about the cheesiest things I could imagine, half of which he had already performed. "The only thing missing is the banner in the sky that asks if I want to marry you" I joked.  
"How 'bout I tell you I love you, first?" He said seriously. My heart missed a beat. "Because I do" he added, insecure if I'd gotten the message, which was now impossible to miss, with my eyes and mouth wide open, staring at his long lashes. He waited for a moment to let me process the news, as if he'd told me I had cancer or something. He looked around in the room, waiting for my response.

I had never felt that way before, the way I felt when I was with Will. So how could those simple words, these 8 letters I'd already told a thousand people ever suffice? Yet, why couldn't I even bring myself to say them?  
My love for Will wasn't like the love for my mother or my team. It was true and honest and as simple as it seemed, I hoped he would understand me even if I did only use the words I had already told a thousand people before him. Because I really couldn't find anything that fit better. And after all, he had just said them as well, probably for the millionth time, yet, hopefully, meaning something entirely different.  
"I love you, too." I whispered, an invisible tear rolled down my cheek and we sealed whatever promise this was, with a kiss that once again lifted me off my feet even though we were sitting on the ground...


	12. Chapter 12

**_CHAPTER 12_**

**I know I repeat and even kind of contradict myself in this chapter (I find it really confusing myself) but I just felt so sorry for Hotch, I had to mention it and it got me thinking again about this Job and how much it takes from them.**

**This chapter is dedicated to all the people who work very hard for our government (mine's not the same as yours but whatever) and don't have enough time with their children, including my dad who has always tried to make time for us in between appointments. (Not succeeding, though, but I'm kind of a grown up now so it doesn't bother me anymore :D)**

_"There is no pretending," Jace said with absolute clarity. "I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then."_  
_-Cassandra Clare (City of glass)_

"Why is it so _impossible_ to have a relationship in this job?" I asked the next night over dinner. At the table again.  
"Well, unless you're breaking up with me, it's not impossible." He pointed out. "But you're allowed to fill me in on the details"  
"Haley left Hotch!" I was slightly furious. The two had kind of been my role model until then.  
"Who's Haley?" What did he think? His grandmother, of course. "His wife"  
"How do you know, did you get another call last night?"  
"You might remember that I was busy last night" I reminded him. He cleared his throat.  
"How could I forget?" He winked at me.  
"No, Emily told me on thursday but I just had to think of it." I shook my head. "One night he came home and she was gone."  
"They have a kid, right?" Will really did listen to me carefully sometimes, it seemed.  
"Yeah, Jack's like 3 or something. But it's not like Hotch doesn't know where they are, she moved to her sister's!"  
"And she left without a warning?"  
"Guess the job was too much for her. I mean, he was hardly ever at home and even followed us although he was suspended. But Emily hasn't had a guy in forever either, Morgan, well, I guess he has a nice girl every other weekend and Garcia, she works almost as much as we do and she doesn't even travel." This job took nerves and time, I understood Haley. I couldn't take it either if I was the wife who stayed at home, raising the child, while the husband traveled across the continent, being in permanent danger, 24/7. But I understood Hotch as well. This job meant everything to all of us. Still, what it took from Hotch was more than sleep. It was much more than that.  
"I don't think you're gone too often. You have time for me. Your job is definitely too hard, psychologically, but you had almost every second weekend off since we're together. And you said Hotch isnt really affected by the pictures you see." He brushed my cheek lightly. "The main problem is that your job is always with you, it never leaves your heart and mind, you take it with you wherever you go."  
He was right, I talked about it way too much. But when you had a family, you'd want to see it more often than on Saturdays and Sundays, right?!  
"It's because we don't live together. We only see each other on the weekends anyway, it doesn't matter how often we're at home in between, 'cause we wouldn't notice"  
"Where are you headed with this conversation?" He frowned.  
I didn't really know.  
"Well, first of all, I'm sorry for a friend 'cause he just lost his family in some way. And second, I guess I'm worried that-" he covered my lips with his finger.  
"I'm not going anywhere" he answered the unspoken question. I opened my mouth to argue but he made me repeat the words.  
"You're not going anywhere" I said and before he could stop me added "I'm worried that this job will someday be everything that defines me. I don't want to become this job" I set down my fork, almost angrily.  
"That won't happen. I will make sure of that" he tried to reassure me but I was anxious anyway. We don't even always get the weekends off.  
What if _I_ ever wanted to have kids? Could my baby stand to be separated from his mommy for sometimes 3 days in a row or even more? No.  
But who am I without this job?  
"You definitely need to clear your head" Will put his hand on my trembling fingers. "Get away from Hotches and Morgans and jets and most importantly serial killers. I can see it's getting too much for you"  
"It's not too much for the others" I needed to stay strong, those moments of weakness came more often since I had Will to talk about them. I needed to be able to control and suppress them again.  
"They're not you! You have a right to be human and I'm sure they will understand if things get too much once in a while." He was probably right. Still, I couldn't just take time off now. Hotch needed us more than ever.  
"They can't travel without a liaison"  
"Yes, they can!" He laughed a little. "Look at you, you're a mess. I haven't heard you talk about anything else than Hotch and Gideon and women-up-slicing-men, for god's sake. This has to stop and you practically just allowed me to stop you." He raised his voice, the first time he didn't just agree with what I said. "JJ, I will always listen to you. I'm here if you need to talk. But I see the pain in your eyes, the fear. I can't stand it. It breaks my heart to see you forcing a smile when you pick me up from the airport after work." I had to admit that Fridays were my worst days. All the pressure of 5 days rested on my shoulders and it usually took me until saturday morning to lose it, never entirely, though.  
"They won't think you're weak because you take your well deserved vacation." Now he was talking about a vacation and not just a day off.  
"Vacation?" I asked.  
"Yes. How about we just go away for a week? Let's go to the beach, drink cocktails and not do anything all day?"  
"You realize there are serial killers on Cuba, too, right?"  
"See, that's what I mean. Now that you mention it, it _is_ starting to become who you are and, at your request, I won't let that happen. I want the JJ back that I met 4 months ago, when she saved my city from a jack the ripper copy cat. But not the FBI agent, Jennifer Jareau! I want the girl that was obviously jealous when some stranger hit on me. The girl that kept me from drinking that beer, the girl that made me fall in love with her the moment I saw her. Now, don't get me wrong, I fall in love with you all over again every single day. I just miss that glowing in your eyes."  
The past 4 months had been tough indeed, since I was in the field much more often than I was used to. But an entire week?  
"I guess I can... ask" I shrugged my shoulders and went on eating my spaghetti. Will just smiled, being quite pleased with himself, I could swear he was already booking the tickets in his head.  
How had this conversation moved from Hotch's separation to a vacation? Will must have been worried about me for a while. I felt bad immediately. But also for leaving the team alone. Again, I could understand Hotch. I was torn between my job, myself and my boyfriend, trying to _please_ all of them, yet _disappointing_ them all. Recharging couldn't be such a bad idea after all. I'd be a better girlfriend and a better agent if I cleared my head for a while. I'd do it. I'd ask Strauss for some personal time, tell her I'd like to see my family again or something. She owed me like a million overtime hours anyway.  
"What about your job?"  
"I'm a detective, It's the wife or the ex boyfriend. Case solved" I laughed at how easily he took all this.  
Images flooded my mind of hot sand under my bare feet, the smell of the ocean, peace and I couldn't help but look forward to it.

"What are you thinking?" Will lay on his side in my bed, his head resting in one hand, the other one holding mine. I was lying on my side, too, so I could face him.  
"Are you serious? Are we going on a vacation?" I asked.  
His eyes lighted up as he realized I was really thinking about his offer. I hadn't been on a vacation in forever.  
"Just you and me?" That sounded wonderful. I knew it was what I needed, what I wanted. For a split second, the job or anything else wasn't the most important thing in my life. It was Will...


	13. Chapter 13

_**CHAPTER 13**_

_"Between a man and a woman there was always one person who was stronger than the other one. That doesn't mean the weaker one doesn't love the stronger."_  
_-Alice Sebold_

My palms were sweating and I took a deep breath before I forced myself to knock on Erin Strauss' office door. "Come in" she said in a serious tone. What if she was in a bad mood? But then again, would she ever be in a better one? I stepped forward to her desk and spit out the words without beating around the bush. "Ma'am, I was wondering if I could take my overtime hours to get a week of personal time!"  
She looked up at me once, checking me out from my hair to my toes and focused on her computer again. I stood still, waiting for her to say something until she took off her glasses before staring me right in the eye. "The system says we owe you 15 days."  
"7 will suffice, Ma'am"  
"Do you have a date in mind yet?" Damn, I should have been prepared better, some part of me must have thought she would reject me.  
"I will check up on my family and come back to you again. Thank you, Ma'am."  
So many Ma'ams in one conversation, she must think I'm crazy. And what was that about my family? I panicked and needed an explanation for my vacation. But then again, did I? Why did I have to justify my decision to take a week off? It was my business and I deserved a vacation, she had nothing to do with this apart from granting my leave officially for 7 days. But now it was too late, I was already too deep in the mess. I couldn't just go back next time and tell her I was going to spend a romantic vacation with my secret boyfriend? Why did I even call him my secret boyfriend? There was no rule or law that said I'd have to report all of my relationships. But accidentally or not, now I'd have to lie to the team as well.

I called Will the minute I got to my office.  
"Did you ask?" Were the words he answered with. Did he really think I was such a coward?  
"Yeah, 7 days. You name the time and place."  
"Well, where do you wanna go?"  
Somewhere warm, sunny, the beach "I don't care"  
"Alright, I'll name the time and you see where we're going once we get to the airport" that was not fair, how was I supposed to know what to pack?  
"Whatever" I sighed, still trembling from my conversation with the devil that had turned out to be quick and easy.  
"Someone's in a reaaally bad mood" Will pointed out.  
"No I'm not" I denied it, quite obviously lying. "Call you tonight" I said and hung up on him. I wasn't in a good mood, indeed. I felt like I let my team down, even though I knew it was totally reasonable to take my vacation, since I'd never done that before. 15 days in overtime hours, that's quite a lot.  
My phone vibrated when I was about to go back to the team. 'How about next Saturday to Sunday the following week? I love you, Will.' 9 days? That's more than we talked about. Plus, it was too soon. But I wasn't really helping my team in this condition either. 'Ok, love you too.'  
Instead of going down to join the others, I headed straight to Strauss' office. Knock knock. "Enter" again, her voice was serious and dark.  
"I... checked on my family again, is next week too soon?"  
As an answer, she typed something into her computer, pressed enter and let me know that I was suspended for the week and to have a nice time.  
Suspended, that's an interesting choice of words, I had heard it so many times, yet never in terms of a vacation. Hotch got suspended every time he broke the rules, which was quite a lot 'cause we took every case so personal, we didn't stop until we had done everything in our power, even if it was against regulation.  
I nodded and left her office. As I had expected, all eyes were on me, even Garcia, who sat at Derek's desk, stared at me. "What?" I asked innocently. Emily was the one to ask, shyly, what I'd been doing at Strauss' office. It was never a good sign to be talking to her but I hadn't realized before that we always connected her office to someone getting suspended, which was right in some way.  
"Don't worry, I just asked for a little vacation"  
"Is everything ok?" Emily worried. No one ever asked for a vacation, we always pretended to love giving up our free time.  
"Uhm, yeah, sure" I stuttered. "I just need to clear my head, you know? Get some distance from blood splattered bodies and suicidal teenage girls, I-"  
"You don't need to justify your decision. We understand you." Morgan reassured me. Then why did I feel so bad?  
"Where are you going?" Reid asked. Great, the question I feared the most.  
"To see my family." was my automatic response, at least I didn't have to remember my different lies now. It was just one. And you could almost call it a white lie.  
"Have fun" they all said in unison.  
"Don't think you're getting rid of me this easily. I'm here until Friday." I teased, trying to cover my inexplicable nervousness.  
Everyone focused on their computers again.

Of course, how could it be any different, we got a case on Thursday evening that would most likely need several days. The desperate sheriff had called me and considering the urgency, I called the team immediately, briefed them, told them I couldn't come because of my vacation and watched them take off. Not literally, they took off at the airport, but I watched them leave the office and leave me in the middle of the room all alone.  
I got my things together and went home, thinking about my team the entire time.

Will arrived the next morning, surprised by me picking him up at the airport, I must have forgotten to mention the case when we were on the phone the night before.  
"Look who's here" he sang with a smiley face.  
"Look who disappointed her team and let them save the world without me" I sang sarcastically.  
"They'll be just fine and so will you" he kissed me.  
"I'm more stressed out about my job than before we had planned the vacation, you know that right?" I told him as we walked to my car.  
He sat on the passenger seat and I got in on the driver's side.  
"About the tickets-" I began  
"I booked and paid them already" he finished my sentence.  
"And I'm going to pay for mine" I insisted.  
"No you're not"  
"Yes I am"  
"Give me a dollar and we're even." Very funny.  
"I don't _want_ you to pay for my ticket, wherever it's going"  
"But I want to pay for it"  
"This isn't over yet" I warned him as we pulled into my driveway.  
And it wasn't. We would argue about it again on the plane. I wouldn't win, though...


	14. Chapter 14

_**CHAPTER 14**_

"Can you just give me a _little_ hint?" I begged. Will refused to tell me where we were going and I had no idea what to pack.  
"I prefer you not wearing anything"  
"Very funny. Well, I'm gonna be wrapped in iron tonight if you don't help me packing." He opened his eyes and mouth dramatically.  
"It's going to be warm!" That's something. I don't know if it was because of my threat or his general surrender. My mind filled with the same images from the week before. Hot sand, water, as if it was only warm at the beach, given the season. September. But I was relaxed immediately, already beginning to forget all about work.  
"He spun around in my room, threw shorts, shirts and bikinis into my suitcase and wanton rummaging though my stuff.  
"How about protecting my privacy?" I shut the drawers he had left open.  
"How about not having any secrets?" He retaliated. True, there were so few things he didn't know about me, they definitely didn't lie around in my closet.  
"Ouh, you're in" he said and threw my new lingerie in the suitcase. I rolled my eyes at his childishness and packed my flip flops.

"Are you sure, I'm not going to need anything else? The suitcase seems so light for 9 days" I lifted it from the bed but Will took over before I could put it down next to my door.  
"Yes, we're not going to the Oscars after all, you just need something to wear. For the day" he added and I rolled my eyes again. Not knowing where I'd be sleeping the next night was really weird. Or not be sleeping, if it was up to Will...

Friday morning, the day of our departure. I checked on the team again, they were still on the road. Then I called the office one last time to make sure they knew I was on call if anything happened. I was almost positive, we'd stay in the states and I could come back any time.  
I went through my stuff again, pillow, toiletries, suitcase...  
By the time I was sure I hadn't forgotten anything it was almost time to head to the airport.  
Nervousness crept through my veins, knowing I'd know where it was going in less than an hour, unless he would keep the tickets hidden as well.  
I was all quiet in the car, Will chatted about how he couldn't wait until I found out and how much he hoped I'd love it.  
"I could tell you if I like it or not, if you'd just tell me right now" The anxiety was unbearable. My first real vacation since I left college and I didn't even know where it was going.  
"Take a guess" Will challenged me.  
"Miami" Was my first guess and when he shook his head I just told him about all the cities and states I had secretly hoped we'd go to. After going through almost every southern city on the beach I asked insecurely if it was anything Florida related. I guessed all the way to the check in but Will just kept on shaking his head. I handed them my passport and watched Will coordinate everything else, our luggage, the tickets and so on.  
Holding them in his hand tightly, I followed him to the next starbucks, where he ordered two cappuccinos for us and sat down, still completely silent.  
"I can't stand it anymore." I exploded. "I was practically out of ideas when you said it's not florida"  
"You were quite optimistic that we'd stay in the country" he finally gave me a clue.  
"You didn't-" I grabbed the tickets and stared at it in disbelief.  
"Paris?" I cried when tears started streaming down my cheeks, I couldn't help it. All of my worries about where it was going, my team. It had been ridiculous. The team was going to be perfectly fine without me. And for the where-part, well, it didn't really matter where it was going as long as I was with him, my prince charming. And going to France was just icing on the cake.

"Why are you crying?" Will asked concerned.  
"Because I'm happy?!" I pointed out the obvious.  
"See, that's a woman-thing. Crying indicates being sad, laughing indicates being happy. That's nature. Why would you wanna mess with nature?" he tried to play it cool but I knew he was happy to see me this excited.  
He rubbed my back gently the entire time I couldn't talk 'cause I was too busy sobbing like a 5 year old. It was just so much, a vacation, with Will, no work, PARIS. I was a small town girl from Pennsylvania, when had my life turned around like this?  
I knew the source of my tears, it was called a trigger. When all of the emotions just collected somewhere inside of you and at one point, something comes along and it's just too much to take. You have to let it out.  
When I had just calmed myself down, he raised his eyebrows at me. I wiped away the tears and took a deep breath.  
"Why are you doing this to me?" I sighed.  
"I better not tell you the whole story, then. Given the situation that you just cried for 5 whole minutes over a little trip to Paris."  
"Do you listen to yourself? It's Paris." How could he pretend it was nothing? "But what's the whole story?" I was curious, I wouldn't have been surprised if he told me, he'd fly our own jet.  
"Well, we're not staying in Paris the whole time" he told me, with a look that asked if I'm ok. I nodded. We're not?  
"We land tomorrow morning, stay until Sunday evening, drive to Versailles after Dinner, spend the whole Monday there and hop on a plane on Tuesday morning, which will take us to Italy. Rome to be exact. Sightseeing on Wednesday. We take a train to the Tuscany, arrive on Friday morning, stay at the beach until Saturday night and fly back to DC."  
Of course. What else could we do?  
When the heck did he plan all this? We had only agreed on the dates 5 days ago.  
"I see you're a vampire." I joked but he didn't seem to understand it.  
"No sane person who likes to sleep at least 5 hours a day could have planned this is in such a short time." I explained.  
"I've always wanted to do this trip, just never had the right company." he pointed at me. "So it was kind of already planned in my head. But yes, thanks to online booking I really did stay up late a few nights.  
"Thank you." Was all I could manage to say, being too overwhelmed with the situation.  
"I wanna be able to give you more than my heart and my love, which is all yours, you know that."  
He leaned over to kiss me, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment, the peace, the perfection, the happiness, the love.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15/ Day 1 Friday (+Saturday morning)**  
**Arrival**

**Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad you like the idea of a little vacation! Paris is one of my favorite cities, so I hope to add some details to the story. Plus, I'll put some French in it!**

Money had never been an issue for me. I worked and worked and earned money, but never really found something to spend it on. Even though a trip to Europe for 9 days seemed like a waste of money, I didn't mind. It was exactly what I needed; to get away from home as far as possible.  
Still shaky, Will and I walked around at the airport, on our way to the gate. To board the plane. Which would take us to France. And another one would take us to Italy. How on earth did I get this lucky?

Sitting in our seats, seat-belts fastened and a nice young lady explaining the safety rules to us, I turned my head to look at Will. Not just to look at him, but to really look at him. His short brown hair, the kind of color I'd always wanted my kids to have, his forehead, his nose, his lips. He turned around when he realized I'd been staring at him.  
"What is it, Cher?" he wrinkled his forehead a little.  
"Nothing" I shook my head once. "I'm just happy, you know?" There was no place, I'd rather wanted to be.  
"Then that makes two of us" He stroked my cheek lightly.  
"Ready for takeoff" the pilot announced and I took Will's hand. Not because I was afraid of flying, which I wasn't, and not because he was, which he wasn't, but because I was so unbelievably in love that I couldn't stand not feeling him beside me, not knowing if he was really there or if it was all just a dream. He pushed my hand gently, proving that I was wide awake, showing me that sometimes, the reality could be much more beautiful than a dream...

The flight was shorter than I had expected, only a little over nine hours.  
After picking up our luggage and a map at the Charles de Gaulle airport, I caught a first glimpse at the city, it looked different from earth than it looked from the plane. It was dark, 5am, the highways were full with cars, though.  
We called a cab and Will gave the driver our hotel's address.  
He leaned back in the seat, I put my head on his shoulder and looked out of the window. It wasn't a rumor, it wasn't a ridiculous cliché that you saw the Eiffel-tower from everywhere. In any movie about Paris I'd ever seen, they always sat in a cafe or an apartment or a hotel room from which you could see the tower. It was even more beautiful at night, at least that's what I thought. The traffic is real bad but with a bit of patience you can get where ever you want quite quickly, even quicker if you take the subway, excuse me, metro.

I was dead tired when we got to the hotel. It wasn't luxurious, yet it had what we needed, it's not like we'd spend a lot of time there anyway. Our schedule was tight, Paris in 2 days would be a challenge but not impossible.  
I let myself fall on the bed, the left side, as always, Will lay down beside me.  
"Can you believe it?" I closed my eyes, taking in every scent of European air. "We really did it."  
"Yes, we did. But if you wanna rest a bit, you better do it now, breakfast is in 2 hours, we gotta get going, there's so much to see."  
I slipped under the blanket, still in my traveling clothes. I felt dirty but I was too worn out to care. Will snuggled in as well, not seeming very exhausted. And you'd think I was the one used to being on a plane.  
"I'm in paris" everything was so surreal. "You realize that if you'd told me where we were going, I could have taken a longer vacation. We wouldn't have to be in such a hurry." But then again, could I really stand to be away from the team for so long? It already hurt me to leave for 9 days. Speaking of which, I swore myself this would be the last time I'd think of them, I was there to clear my head after all.  
"Don't worry, love, we're not under any pressure." he rubbed my back and murmured some comforting words until I had fallen asleep a few moments later.

8am, the alarm clock on my phone went off, waking us both. I swear, if it wasn't for Paris, I would have never been able to open my eyes.  
"Rise and shine, sleepy head" Will sang and jumped on his feet. I moaned and hid under the blanket like a little child.  
He grabbed some clothes and disappeared in the bathroom.  
I crawled to my suitcase and looked at my clothes for a while. I hadn't packed anything to go sightseeing. In Paris. In case I haven't mentioned it already.  
I went for some jeans and a shirt, it seemed to be quite warm but not too hot outside. The weather at night had been chilly.  
When Will came out of the shower, I hopped in and was ready 20 minutes later. With my hair in a ponytail and some make up on, I danced out of the bathroom in the best mood. I couldn't hide my excitement any more. It didn't matter that I hadn't slept much in the past 24 hours, the dark circles under my eyes seemed to disappear behind my wide smile.  
Will joined my mood and we walked to breakfast, hand in hand, like you were supposed to do it in the city of love.  
Croissants and café au lait for breakfast. People chatted in French, English and German as far as I could tell, but there were more languages I didn't recognize.  
"What's on the list for today?" I asked Will, praying he had a plan, cause I certainly didn't.  
"Let's start with the louvre. It's gonna be quite crowded on a Saturday but I heard it's not much better on a weekday either. After that we could see the Jardin des Tuileries, take a photo at the victory column, walk on till the Champs Élysées, do some shopping and have lunch. It will lead us straight to the Arc de triomphe, from where we can take the subway to the Eiffel tower. Yes, it is possible to do in one day and don't worry, tomorrow's list is shorter." He winked at me. I trusted him. He wouldn't plan something that would be more stressful than relaxing. He knew me, I liked peace and harmony, running around directionless wasn't my style but neither was it his. So I thought there was nothing to worry about. And I was right.

After breakfast we quickly went to the room again, grabbed some things and headed straight to the elevator.  
The doors opened, we stepped out, walked through the doors of the hotel as well and stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath.  
I had it all. I had a great guy who took me to Paris. What else do you need? I felt like I had the world to my feet...


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16/ Day 2: Saturday**  
**-Paris**

**Their tour reminds me of my own about 2 years ago. I am living proof that it is possible to see the main sights of Paris in only two days. It doesn't mean that you don't have to get back there, though. Who knows where their honeymoon is gonna take them? ;)**

Our hotel wasn't very central so we took the metro to get to the Louvre. Will was right, it was crowded, but we were told it would get worse later in the day.  
It had been forever since I'd seen the inside of a museum and it really was an entirely different feeling to actually see the paintings, than it was to look at them on google images.  
A crowd of Asian people were gathered around the Mona Lisa, taking pictures even though there was a huge sign that said 'no pictures'. We didn't bother to wait in line and focused on the other ones. Why was everyone so crazy about tiny Mona while there was a gigantic painting on the opposite wall? It didn't seem to make any sense.  
"So, what's your favorite one so far?" Will asked. They had all been so beautiful but one had stayed in my mind most of all; there was a woman in a white dress with curly hair and a red hairband and a little girl in a blue dress. They hugged but looked at the painter. I couldn't remember the title or the painter's name but something about it moved me, spoke to me me in a way I couldn't explain. Maybe it was because it reminded me of my own sister or my mother.  
"The one with the children, they were just too adorable" I said, being too afraid he might ask why I liked the other one and I wouldn't have an explanation.  
"Well, I really like this one" he nodded towards the wall behind me and I turned around. It was a mirror. I stood there for a moment, quite perplexed, and stared at the two of us. His arms wrapped around me, our smiles wider than the ocean. It really was the most beautiful picture in the room.

We bought a salad at the supermarket and sat down on a bench in the Jardins des Tuileries. The sun shined on our heads, it was nice and fresh in the shade under the trees, though.  
My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I looked up at Will, not knowing if I should answer it. Emily's photo appeared on the screen. I couldn't bring myself to push the green button.  
"It's ok, you can take it" Will encouraged me but I shut the phone again.  
"She'll text me if it's something important." I put the phone back in my bag.  
"I'm proud of you" Will said honestly.  
"For not picking up the phone?"  
"Yes, I know 24 hours ago you wouldn't have been able to do it. But I'm happy you're taking your time off seriously." He smiled in the way that always made my heart melt.  
"It's supposed to be just you amend. No distractions. Why would I ever wanna ruin that?" I kissed him. It tasted of balsamic and carrots.  
"Now I gotta try your salad, it tastes good" I laughed and took a bite of his salad.  
"How is it?"  
"Less delicious than the kiss" I sighed disappointed.  
"Don't worry, you're gonna get more of these" he leaned down again but before our lips could touch, he added "later. We have a tight schedule. Chop chop. Let's go" He stuffed the last piece of lettuce into his mouth and threw the plastic containers and forks away.  
He pulled me from the bench and we wandered in the opposite direction of where we'd come from. Trees to our right and left side, a water fountain in front of us. Paris was even more romantic than in all the movies.  
We laughed out loud when a man drove past us on a bicycle. With a baguette under his armpits. It was just too funny.  
When we got to the victory column a few minutes later, we had to decide whether we wanted to get killed by all the cars on the streets that surrounded the little square or if we wanted to walk all the way around it.  
Will took my head, looked at me, we nodded and started running.  
Alive and healthy we arrived on the platform. The column wasn't very spectacular but we asked a passant to take a picture of us in front of it, so we could put it in the photo album. The travel guide said it was a must-see in Paris. And the travel guide couldn't be wrong.  
After running over the other street as well, we got to a park. I pulled some cookies out of my bag and started eating them as we walked through it. People were holding hands everywhere, I saw two young girls sitting on a bench and laughing. They spoke another language, though. Sounded like German, the dark haired girl had a French accent. On the next bench a young couple was making out so intensely, it made me feel uncomfortable to look at them for just a second. On another bench I spotted an older couple, who could hide their affection in public, which I was thankful for, but there was definitely love in their eyes.  
There was love in everyone's eyes. Love and life, spirit, passion.

I didn't care about Chanel and co although Will tried to drag me into each of them. I convinced him that I wasn't this kind of woman and that Promod, a rather cheap French store, was enough for me. We looked at some clothes, read through some books at Fnac and bought a funnybb teddy bear in the disney store but I didn't like being inside and urged him to go out in the sun again.  
As Will had predicted, the street led us directly to the Arc de Triomphe. An underpass that was postured with historic photos prevented us from risking our lives by running over the busy street again.  
It was impressive, I could feel the triumph just by standing under it. Will tried to take a picture but we were too close to really see it.  
"Do you wanna go up and take a look?" Will asked, I looked over my shoulder at the long line.  
"I'm fine, we can see Paris from above from the Eiffeltower. When are we going to see that by the way?"  
"Tomorrow, I want you to have something to look forward to." How could I ever get bored in a city this awesome?  
After reading some of the signs on the wall and learning about the history of the arch we got back through the underpass.  
It was easier to take a picture of the whole thing from further away. Again, a passant, a young american, had to take a picture from us. Not that I would ever forget those memories but I wanted our kids to see them one day. It didn't even cross my mind for a split second that Will could not be the father of these children.  
"What's next on the agenda?" I asked my personal tour guide Lamontagne.  
"Well, I originally planned to see the Eiffeltower but I read on the subway that it would be too crowded especially in the afternoon, so I guess we have free choice.  
"A miracle has happened. William doesn't know what to do next" I announced and he kicked me in the side.  
"I'm sorry I tried to be polite, from now on I will take control over every step you take, again." He teased me back.  
"How about we walk back to the hotel? It's on the map, we're wearing comfortable shoes and I think it's a great new way to experience Paris" I proposed.  
"Sounds perfect" Will agreed, pressing his lips on my forehead.  
We checked the direction on the map and started walking. I told Will about the few vacations I had already been on. To Miami and to San Francisco. Will had already been to south Africa and Thailand along with about every hot and cold state of the US. He told me about his dad who had to stay home due to work most of the times Will was seeing the world with his mother.  
"She hated New Orleans. She always considered it her home, yet she couldn't stand to be there more than two months in a row without at least visiting her parents in Texas. I swear the airline called her by her first name whenever she booked another ticket to Dallas.  
In one of the typically French side streets we found a nice little cupcake store called Chloe's cupcakes. The inside of the café/Store/whatever was very pink and retro, even quite American. The waitresses were dressed all in pink as well.  
We took the cupcakes with us, knowing we still had a long way to walk.  
I swear the speculoos cupcake I had was the best one I ever ate. Will's chocolate one melted in the sun as soon as we got out again.  
I took a bite of his and felt the frosting all over my mouth. He laughed at me and kissed the chocolate away.

About two, yes, two hours later we arrived at the hotel again. It was 6 o clock, my feet hurt and all I wanted was to sleep. But Will had different plans.  
"There's a restaurant around the corner. I can't take the responsibility if you starve to death." He told me and grabbed a jacket. I groaned but followed him.  
The restaurant really was around the corner it was just not what I had expected.  
"McDonald's? Are you kidding me?" I laughed when he held the door open for me.  
"We gotta get up early, I don't think we have enough time to wait for dinner. This is France, don't be surprised if it takes two hours. Plus, I know how much you love cheeseburgers."  
It wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I thought of a romantic dinner but Will was right, I did have a thing for cheeseburgers and we should probably go to bed early.  
Which we did. We just didn't sleep...


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17/ Day 3 Sunday **  
**-Love**

**Again, a lot of my personal experience, hope you like it :)**

My alarm went off at 6 o clock. Will kept his eyes closed as I snuck out under his arm. I put on one of his shirts and started jumping on the bed like a little girl until he finally moved. "Go to hell" he whined and lay back down. I gave him a shocked gaze, kissed him quickly and danced to the bathroom, not being able to hide my excitement.

I wrapped a towel around my body and got out of the bathroom.  
He sat on the bed, fully dressed, with something in his hand. He unraveled it for me. It was a baguette. A teeny tiny one, no longer than his hand.  
"I see you brought us breakfast" I teased him.  
"I did" he said and pointed to a paper bag on the table next to the window.  
"This" he handed me the baguette. "Is a souvenir. Bread dries and doesn't get bad, you can put it on your kitchen counter or wherever and when you pass it, you'll think of the wonderful time we spent here.  
"Where did you get this?" I took a closer look at it, carefully, afraid I might break it. What a sweet gesture. It was better than any postcard or cheap pocket mirror he could have given me. Baguette really was the beat in France, nothing compared to our cheap copies in the states.  
"The bakery across the street, where I got our croissants and jus d'orange." He walked over to the table and put the food on a little plate. I had no idea where he had gotten that but he had probably stolen it from the breakfast room or something. The breakfast in the hotel was cheap and dry, I didn't mind it but this was definitely better. And more private.  
I quickly changed and sat down with Will. He dipped it in butter and held it in my face, I took a bite. It was crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. It was sweet, yet salty and tasty. I once heard that a real croissant shouldn't crumble much because it was a sign of freshness.  
The plate was almost empty when we were finished eating...

"What's the code for the safe?" I asked before we left. Will spotted the phone in my hand and shook his head.  
"You won't!" he challenged me.  
"I don't want to get disturbed" What if Emily called again? I knew I wasn't strong enough to resist a second time but the last thing I wanted was contact with the real world.  
"Your phone rang one time yesterday and you didn't even pick it up. It's fine if you want to take it, just in case." he reassured me.  
"No, I'm on vacation, remember? What could possibly happen? I won't need my phone!"  
I entered his birthday but a loud beep tone signalized me that it was the wrong code.  
"I'm proud of you, you know" he said in my ear as he entered my birthday and opened the safe, revealing two black guns. We were such a strange couple.  
"Me too. And you better have an eye on me, if we get separated and someone kidnaps and rapes and kills me, the government will never forgive you. I'm valuable for them." I remembered our chat in the park a couple of months ago, about my vulnerability without a gun, let alone without a phone.  
"Don't worry. They're not the only ones." He winked and grabbed my hand so we could finally get going, already 15 minutes later than we had planned.

A long subway ride later we arrived at the Eiffeltower. It was early, 9 o clock, yet the lines were already long. But it went quickly.  
More than 300 steps later, no I didn't count it, just read the info flyer, we arrived on the first level, the view was simply breathtaking. You could see everything from up there; The river, the little 'quartiers', Montmartre, which we were going to see later that day.  
Another 20-thousand-or-something steps later, we got to the second level. The view wasn't much different, still beautiful, of course.  
A cage-like thing prevented us from falling down and I was thankful for it, my knees were so weak after my morning work out, also known as climbing the stairs of the Eiffeltower.  
"You wanna get to the third level as well?" Will asked but I eyed the elevator, the only way to get up there, and shook my head. It was stuffed with Asian people and their cameras. Ugh.  
We went down again and walked over the street to get to the platform where everyone took pictures.  
I held out the camera and kissed him, our eyes closed, the tower behind us. When I took a look at the photo, the tower was hidden behind our faces. "Damn, this could be taken anywhere" I laughed, imagining someone taking a picture in a random park an telling everyone it was in Paris, you just couldn't see the Eiffeltower.  
"Does it matter?" Will asked. "As long as we know the truth, who cares what other people think?"  
He had a point. I wasn't going to show the pictures anyway since everyone thought I was in Pennsylvania playing scrabble with my mom or something.  
Another random guy had to take a picture of us, thigh, just in case we did want to show off with our Paris trip one day.  
"You know what would have been cool?" I asked as we walked to the next metro station.  
"If he had run off with the camera and we would have chased him showing off with the badges and stuff. Our romantic comedy would have turned into an action movie" I answered my own question, chuckling.  
Will laughed, too, put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer, making sure nobody could steal me away from him.  
"Too bad we don't have our guns with us. It would have been too funny."  
I guess it's in my nature to imagine things like that. I didn't miss it, though. My life with the FBI may seem exciting, and it is, but playing pretend and living a quiet life, even if just for a week, was exciting, too.

Next stop: Notre dame. I had never been very impressed by cathedrals nor was I raised very religiously, but I had to admit that it was beautiful. The huge stone walls, the sparkling and colorful windows.  
We lit light for Sarah, Gideon's girlfriend or whatever they were. But I thought of all of them. All the woman and men and children whose photos I had on my office wall, all the people we couldn't save in time.  
It didn't worsen my mood, though. It was just a far memory that I couldn't get rid of. Nothing else.  
Again, we took a picture and moved on to the nearest metro.

Montmartre is, well, I don't really have words for it.  
It's a nice walk uphill, I wouldn't recommend it to people with a bad stamina, though.  
There is so much life, just below sacré coeur is the artist's quarter, where people show their work. One souvenir shop next to another, all selling the same cheap photos. But some of the paintings were really pretty. People drew sketches of you as you passed them and then tried to sell them to you.  
An old man basically begged me to draw me. I agreed and looked at Will, while the man told me to stay very still. What I didn't know was that he drew the both us. When he allowed me to take a look, I didn't even recognize myself at first. My facial expression was strange, like I'd never seen it before. Was this the way I looked when I stared into Will's eyes?  
The artist drew a little heart in the right corner and signed it with his name. 'Guillaume' or something like that and a quote that said "C'est cela l'amour, tout donner, tout sacrifier, sans espoir de retour" -Albert Camus.  
He rolled it together, Will handed him 10 Euros and we walked on. I was curious what it meant but didn't know who to ask so I just left it without a comment.

We had a crepe for lunch. Nutella is awesome, by the way. I had seen it at an American supermarket before but never dared to buy it. It's originally from Italy and just super delicious, chocolaty and nutty. Love it. Gonna buy a jar when we get to Rome.

There was another platform in front of la basilique du sacré coeur, the huge chapel-like building on the hill, from where you could see the entire city. It was so idyllic. Pale, almost white and had a pretty pattern in the stone walls.  
"That is love, to give everything, to sacrifice everything, without the slightest desire to get anything in return." Will whispered in my ear from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder as we stood at the edge of the hill and looked down on the skyline. It took me a moment to realize he was just translating our picture's caption. I never knew he understood French so well.  
And then I turned my head around and we kissed, not like we usually did in public, it was a real kiss. Suddenly all the people around us disappeared. A woman who was yelling at her son, a baby crying, a tourist guide called his people together. I didn't care, blocking out all noises. they became surreal, the only real thing was the man in my arms...

"Where's the Eiffeltower?" I noticed disappointedly that I couldn't see it. He flipped through his little book and read out a passage that said that you can't see it from up there. Which was kind of ironic because you saw it from practically everywhere in the city.  
"You're such a tourist" Will rolled his eyes when I took my twenty thousandth picture that day.  
"Shush, I don't think I'll ever get back here again, I wanna make sure to capture every moment" I explained.  
"I hope you didn't have a camera in the room last night! Cause, man, that would be awkward" he made a face.  
"Don't worry, I'll keep those memories in my heart" I winked and kissed him on the cheek.

The inside of the chapel was gigantic. Dozens of people tried to get in at the same time, a priest was praying in French so I had no idea what he was talking about. People prayed, a woman even cried, clinging to a necklace. She hit her forehead on the wooden bench. I looked around if someone was going to help her but they all looked pretty relaxed so I figured it was just a new level of talking to God or whatever.  
I got bored soon and we exited again. Why does it seem like so many sights in Paris are churches? I knew Will wasn't very religious either. We weren't atheists, there are just more important things than talking to something for whose existence there is no proof.  
"What's next on the agenda?" I asked, reaching into my pocket absentmindedly until I realized, I left the phone at the hotel. I blushed, embarrassed for thinking about it after all. I quickly pulled out my chapstick and pretended that's what I was looking for. But Will didn't seem to notice and just talked about our options.  
"Our train leaves in 4 hours. Therefore we should get back to the hotel in 3. I don't want us to be in a hurry. But we packed our bags in the morning so it shouldn't be a problem. Now, there's the Moulin Rouge, the opera and about a million other things we haven't seen yet."  
Oh right, we were already leaving tonight. What a pity. But on the other hand, Versailles is supposed to be really beautiful as well. How could I grief that we were leaving, if something like that was waiting for me?  
I pointed downhill, he took my hand and we climbed down the stairs. A big merry go round was at the bottom of the hill. Again, I couldn't help but picture us as parents, our daughter riding on the horse, waving whenever she saw us again.  
"How come we never do what you want? You just ask me what I want to do next?" I asked him.  
"What I want is right here beside me" he put his hands around my waist. "I don't care where we're going as long as we're together." That was probably the cutest thing he ever said, given the fact that we were in Paris and he didn't care where we were going.  
"Well, what is it that you'd like to do besides being with me?" I asked.  
"See the opera! It's not too far away, we could walk." It was further than we had thought but I was going to throw my shoes away after this weekend, anyway. Partly because I had just walked them through and partly because I had bought a new pair, the day before.  
I had always considered myself a lazy person but until you were rich and could afford a taxi or a metro ticket for one station, walking was obligatory. But I didn't mind it, it helped me to see as much from the city as possible, not just the glamorous parts they showed you on the sightseeing tours, but the real Paris. The dirty little side-streets, the little stores, the old houses, the cafés and so on.

The opera was, as I had expected, huge as well. We couldn't see the inside, though, due to whatever reasons I didn't really pay attention to, since classical music had never been my favorite. But I was happy to know this about Will, I loved learning new things about him, I felt like he already new everything about me while revealing so little about himself. But I thought it was a gender thing. I suspected it to be normal that the woman talked all day and the man listened, he knew he could tell me everything and I'd shut up immediately if he asked me to.

He was happy when we headed for the metro again. Even happier than he had been before and I felt bad that i hadn't thought about asking him before. I had just assumed he would tell me if he wanted to do something. Even though it's romantic if a guy puts your needs first, it usually would have annoyed me if it meant that he would hold back his. But instead, I felt sorry for him. Which was soon taken over by the feeling of joy again. It was impossible to feel bad in a city like this. Simply impossible.  
Someone could have called and told me someone had died, I couldn't have grieved properly. It sounds awful but it was true.

We grabbed our suitcases at the hotel when I noticed something. "Don't you usually check out in the morning?" I asked confused.  
"I talked to the receptionist and she said it was fine, they didn't have any reservations for the next day and the cleaning lady would just clean tomorrow morning." God, he had really thought of every thing.

I know, given my job, this sounds strange now, but the metro in Paris is one of the scariest places I've ever been. It's ok if it's during the day but it really just creeps me out during the dark. Although its technically always dark down there. Drunk people and men with women's purses (which I bet they stole from some helpless poor girl) stood there, staring at you, not even looking away once you meet their gaze. Your face is reflected on the windows and you can see that people are looking at you from all sides.  
It was just a two minute walk from the metro station to the train station. I was sad to leave the subway train, knowing it would be the last time. I didn't throw my ticket away this time, instead I stuffed it my pocket.

Half an hour later, the train arrived in Versailles rive droite, whence a bus took us to our hotel, which was, again, not very luxurious but clean and nice.

How was I supposed to process so many impressions and memories?  
"I have more things on my mind than after working on a case for 5 days" I told Will when we were lying in bed that night.  
"And you call this a time to clear my head. You completely overwhelm it."  
"I'm sorry, honey" he kissed my forehead. "But you'll live."  
That was true. And it's not like I minded all those pictures in my head.  
"I love you" I whispered as I fell asleep, my head resting on his shoulder, perfectly fitting in the hole (Or whatever you call it) between his neck and his shoulder. Like we matched. And I swear I heard him whisper the words, too, but I couldn't be sure since I was fast asleep like a baby, feeling safe and sound. Nothing could harm me...


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18/ Day 4 Monday**  
**-Quotations**

**So, since I'm a total fan of quotes, I decided to start future chapters with a quote, too. In this chapter I kind of introduce the whole quote thing :)**

"Do you realize how many people died building that castle?" I asked on our way to the Palace of Versailles. The hotel had rented us some nice bicycles, mine was pink, yay, which we were riding downhill through the streets of the beautiful city. It was early in the morning again, the air was fresh but I knew it was going to be hot later in the day. The receptionist had said that it was more fun to view the inside of the castle if there weren't too many people but it would be fine in the garden anytime so we got up early to take a look at the king's bedroom and then see le jardin de Versailles which I was especially excited for, since it was shown and praised in so many movies.  
A gigantic gate awaited us, a sign that said no bicycles forced Will to take them a little further away while I waited and already took some pictures. There was a sun, a monument for le roix soleil, Louis XIV.  
The ticket gate was to the left of us, a nice young lady explained everything in English.

Every room was more pompous than the one before. An audio guide told us about thee important events in the history of the castle, which kings had lived in it, etc. Due to renovations we couldn't see the chapel whose tower was the highest spot in the palace. But photos showed us what it looked like and, to be honest, I didn't really see a difference between other churches of that time. It was even quite small, since it was his private chapel, compared to the Notre dame for example.  
Statues out of white marble portrayed the important personalities. The 48 Louis' and, of course, the legendary Marie Antoinette. Who, when she was told that the people had no bread to eat, answered that they may eat cake instead. Since everyone knows she didn't really say it, I think it's quite an amusing story.

My favorite room was probably la chambre de la reine, the queen's chamber. A huge mirror on the wall reflected our faces, flowery patterns on the walls and blankets made it seem alive, fresh, even kind of dreamy.  
The king's chamber was every guy's dream, I suppose. A lot of red and golden, how important Louis XIV must have thought he was that his room needed to look this majestic. Men are still like that nowadays, they need to pee on everything. I get it, he really was super meaningful, still it appeared very exaggerated to me. But then again, wasn't all of this a complete waste of money and time. The people were starving and he had feasts in one of his 78 dining rooms.  
No one could deny the beauty, though. It was beautiful to look at and if you forgot the tragic past, which every palace somehow has, I even dare to say it was the most beautiful palace of all.  
When we got to the hall of mirrors I was left with an open mouth. It was bright due to huge mirrors on the walls that reflected the light of the windows. Gigantic chandeliers hung from the ceiling, I could really picture them dancing in their big dresses, the paler, the prettier, chatting about irrelevant things with their nose up in the clouds, a fan in one hand, the partner's hand in the other. What an desirable idea not to worry about anything than outward appearances. To know that nothing could happen to you 'cause you were born to be wealthy and celebrated.  
Will took my hand, pulled me close, placed his hand just below my shoulder, elbow up, and started swinging in small circles. I blushed, looked around in the room embarrassedly but no one seemed to notice, everyone was busy with wowing and oohing at the golden furniture, so I played along and followed his steps, serious looks on our face, very dramatic. But I couldn't hold it up for long and bursted into laughter.  
"You'd make a terrible actress" Will teased me.  
"Well, thank god I'm not, huh?"  
"I like you better when you're smiling anyway." He pulled me in an embrace. When had I started to show my affection in public like this?

When we got to the inevitable souvenir shop at the exit, I bought a few bookmarks and postcards, I recognized some motives from the louvre, there was even one with my favorite painting- the one with the woman and a little girl wrapped in her arms. Disappointed that I wouldn't be able to send my team any, I paid stuffed them in my pocket.  
We walked outside, got our bicycles and drove to another entrance that the lady at our hotel had recommended. So we rode around the fence until we got to another gate about 5 minutes away. Trees to each side of the lane marked our way. There were meadows with sheep to our right and a little river to our left. The sun stood high but the wind in my hair cooled it down to the perfect temperature. It was quite a long way and it felt like we drove around the entire city but eventually we got to the actual park. Again, there were big trees on each side, but behind them, was a huge canal, I guess you could almost call it a lake.  
I took a blanket, well it was a towel I had stolen from the hotel but whatever, out of my bag and placed it on the ground so we wouldn't have to sit on the lawn.  
The sunshine tickled my face and I closed my eyes to fully take it in. We lay down, I put my head on his arm and held his hand close in mine, our fingers crossed, just staring at the beautiful blue sky.  
People passed us in little boats, a young couple was laughing while trying to steer in opposite directions. The water was dirty and green. "5 bucks if you take a swim" I dared Will.  
"5 bucks if you do" he replied and I seriously considered it for a moment, just to prove him wrong. But when I got up to took a closer look, a big dead fish swam on the surface. "Thanks, but I'll pass" I gave in.  
"Well, in that case we're both staying dry. I think I saw a sign that said 'no swimming' anyway." Will told me.  
Pity, it would have been fun to laugh at him, drowned in green slime.  
We went back to the towel and sat down, Will pulled a chocolate bar put of my pocket and started eating it, feeding me one bite and himself 3 each time.  
"You're mean" I pointed out, but he wasn't bothered, just kept on eating.

Again, we just sat there and waited for nothing to happen. After 2 days of running around in the big city, this was just what I needed. It was so calm and peaceful, kids were laughing, birds sang, the wind through the leafs, my naked feet touched the cool grass.  
"Entre deux coeurs qui s'aiment, nul besoin the paroles. -Marceline Desbordes-Valmore". He suddenly said.  
"Between two hearts in love, no words are needed." We translated it at the same time.  
I rummaged through my brain, thought of all the quotes I knew, looking for one that fit.  
"Keep love in your life. A life without it is like a sunless garden where the flowers are dead" I quoted Oscar Wilde.  
"I'll get you back for that" Will threatened me.  
"We'll see".  
Again, we just lay there, breathing in the flowery smell of summer and like he'd said before, no words were needed.

When my rumbling tummy disturbed the romantic atmosphere, Will proposed we'd get something to eat.  
Another look at our little travel guide revealed a few great restaurants. The nearest one offered homemade ice cream and waffles.  
"I'm gonna get fat, with all the sugar you're forcing me to eat!"  
"It's fine, you can just starve. I'll find my way to the airport" I teased him, clapping on his stomach. "But you're good" I promised, touching his abs as we stood up to get our bikes.

I whined and complained all the way to the restaurant since it was uphill and I was in a lazy mood.  
"You gotta earn those waffles" Will yelled and pushed the pedals even faster, I had trouble keeping up with him.  
Finally, what felt like an hour of torture later, we arrived on the little square, quite close to the train station where we had arrived the other night. A few chairs were positioned outside of a little block that provided the restaurant.  
"I can't decide" I cried, looking at the menu. "Mango sorbet or dark chocolate?" or nougat or raspberry or rainbow, they offered every flavor you could think of.  
"Well, I heard dark chocolate helps you live longer. That sounds very promising. I don't know, what does your stomach tell you?" My stomach didn't talk to me at all. He was half dead. But now that I thought about it, I did prefer something fruity and fresh.  
As I had expected, it was simply delicious, how could people not love sweet lunches? I was proud of Will, knowing he would have preferred something salty.  
In my opinion, his vanilla ice cream was maybe even better than my sorbet, I couldn't tell, my taste buds were numb, too much deliciousness.  
"I can't believe, we're already leaving. I feel like we just got here." I made a sad face.  
"Less than 72 hours and the country already won you over. He imitated my sad face. "It took me more than that to at least get your number."  
"That's because I separate work from my personal life. Once I did allow it to collide, you had won me over in one evening." He had already won me over in the bar, while playing 'Pennsylvania style' for me. But he didn't need to know how easily impressed I was.  
"Oh well, that's good to hear." He stuffed the last bite of his waffle in my mouth.  
"Anyway, we can stay, but that would mean we can't go to Italy and I know how much you wanna eat some real pizza." That was my weak spot. Pizza. I couldn't feel sad that we were leaving if it meant eating Italian pizza.  
I also liked the idea of a new language, Will didn't know a single italian word and couldn't show off anymore, like he did with his French.  
"I knew you couldn't resist" Will smiled. He knew me too well.

For dinner we went to a restaurant close to our hotel called 'La creperie' where they offered sweet and salty crepes. (The only way to convince Will) My appetizer was a salad, the main course consisted of a crepe with red tandoori chicken and, my favorite part, the desert, a crepe with Nutella, ice cream, whipped cream and bananas.

When we lay in bed that night, we chatted about French clichés and, of course, the food.  
Will pulled his arm from under my head and searched through his nightstand until he found a little piece of paper.  
He sat up straight, cleared his throat, raised a hand and recited dramatically:  
"The hours I spent with you, I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other man it is said have seen angels but I have seen thee and thou art enough."  
"Did you google that?" I raised my eyebrows, knowing that he did, the only question was if he was going to admit it. He stared innocently at the ceiling for a moment, pretending to look for something.  
"Maybe" He then confessed.  
"It's so cheesy, I think I have to throw up."  
"I think you like it" Of course I did. Cheesy or not, it was the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me, even if they weren't even his own words.  
"I think I love you a little bit more every single day"...


	19. Chapter 19

**"Every one soon or late comes round by rome."  
-Robert Browning**

**CHAPTER 19/ Day 5**

The same train that had just taken us to Versailles a day ago, took us back to Paris again whence we took the metro to the airport.  
Will carried our two big suitcases and I followed him, carrying only my little purse. I guess you could call it unfair, but he was the man after all.  
A very unfriendly woman checked our tickets and sent the luggage on the journey.  
Glad that his hand was free again, I took it and kissed him on the cheek. "My strong man."  
"you better be nice to me, I doubt you could carry that thing on your own." I thought about it for a moment, regular work-out sessions at the bureau or not, what feels like 20 pairs of shoes were too heavy for me indeed.

"You think it's like it seems in the movies?" I wondered as we waited for permission to takeoff.  
"Well, I sure hope the Pizza's a good as everyone says." He was right about that, my whole world would be shattered if it wasn't.  
"But I promise you, it'll be wonderful" Will's lips on mine calmed down my nerves every time. They made me feel at home, reminded me that no matter how disappointed I might be when we get to Italy, he would always be beyond any of my expectations.

The flight was short and comfortable. A cloudless sky allowed us to see everything once we got closer to Rome.  
The colosseum, of course, was the first thing to catch our eye but we flew past it in order to get to the airport.  
Hot air, hotter that in France, welcomed us in the second city of love.  
Dark haired people everywhere, Vespas as far as you could see. It was definitely like it had seemed in the movies, maybe even better.  
The taxi driver handed our luggage easily as we got in the back. You couldn't see a lot of the city from the main road on which we were driving on the way to our hotel.  
Again, it wasn't very luxurious but nice and cozy. Bright walls and floors, a painting of two kissing people, dark blue love seats, a small desk and a king sized bed. It practically pulled me towards, I couldn't help but let myself fall on it with my back first. The sheets were soft and smelled fresh, like a meadow in the mountains in spring time.  
"You wanna lie in bed all day?" Will lay down beside me after putting the suitcases on the floor.  
"We got here like a minute ago, where does all your energy and motivation come from?" I was just tired from the flight, my feet ached from walking so much the past days and my eyelids refused to stay open, due to going to bed late and waking up early to do sightseeing.  
He covered my with a blanket, slipped under it, too pulled me close to his chest and placed a kiss on my head.  
"I thought it would take more than that to knock you out. I believe you're awake longer when you're on a case." Which wasn't even true, we usually stopped working around 7 in the evening and didn't meet again until the next morning, which meant 12 hours of free time, usually 9 spent with sleeping. Only on very rare occasions, really urgent cases for example, we stayed up late.  
But I was too exhausted to tell him, I smelled the sweet scent of his aftershave and was in cloud-land the next moment.

About 2 or 3 hours later, I hadn't paid attention to the time when we got there, at 6 o clock, I woke up again, still tired but feeling more rested than before.  
A sound had woken me, like a lock being cracked. I instinctively reached for my nightstand, but the gun was still in my bag. I pulled the blanket away and placed my feet on the ground carefully, trying not to make a sound. This room was built really stupidly, you couldn't see anything from the bed apart from a white wall. Only a moment later, Will came around the corner, throwing the keycard on the desk.  
Relieved, I took a deep breath. Who had I expected?  
"You scared me" I told Will, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Where were you?"  
"I'm sorry, Cher, I took a small walk to discover the area and guess what, I found the cutesy pizzeria only a few blocks away."  
Yes, Pizza. A nap and pizza, what a wonderful, relaxing day. I kissed him excitedly and danced to my suitcase, looking for something suitable to wear. Skinny jeans and a short sleeved shirt should do it, I wasn't trying to win a fashion contest, after all.

Pizza in Italy is, well, it's indescribable. It's fluffy and crispy and the bottom is so thin. The tomato sauce is fruity, the cheese is spicy, the mushrooms are fresh and the little sausages on them are the best pizza topping you could imagine. It was like a firework in my mouth, an explosion of tastes.  
Will's pizza had fresh, fumed ham and Arugula on it. I couldn't decide which one was better, I alternatively stuffed a piece of mine and a piece of his in my mouth. The ambience in the restaurant was like you'd imagine it. Not much different from Italian restaurants in the states though. The only difference was their lack of English and the food, of course.  
The wine was so delicious, too.  
Once we were done eating, I was slightly drunk, incredibly happy and more in love than ever.  
"Look at the stars" I pointed to the sky, backing against Will.  
"Do you know how in love I am right now?" I sung, Will just nodded understandingly, laughing at my drunk foolishness.  
"It's just such a good pizza. I mean, I feel like sending bombs to every Pizza hut in the world because they tell you they sell Pizza when it's not really pizza, because this is pizza." I probably had the right connections to really send bombs to pizza hut but Will knew I was just joking and chuckled.  
"I've been in love before! With my college boyfriend, my mom, peanut butter, oh yes, peanut butter, you, sometimes.." I pressed a big smooch in his lips.  
"I guess I should be glad that you love me at least _sometimes_. On the other hand, it _is_ hard to compete with peanut butter"  
"Shh" I covered his mouth with my entire hand. "Don't interrupt my speech."  
He pretended to lock his mouth and throw away the key, I giggled.  
"Anyway, this is an entirely new love. Pizza has always been there for me and now I feel like it has lied to me all my life, holding back, hiding it's real identity. Yet, I can't be mad at it. I just have to love it. It took over my mind, it's all I can think of." I stumbled a bit but Will caught me without any effort.  
"Thank you, my prince. But just that you know; if I had to choose, I would choose the pizza. I would be sad to see you go. But I would choose the pizza."  
Obviously amused by my clumsiness, he lifted me off my feet and carried me to the hotel. Putting me down on the bed, where I immediately fell asleep. Everything seemed unrealistic to me. Thousands of miles from home. So much wine, so much Pizza...


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20/ Day 6**  
**Wednesday**

**Happy 20th anniversary. I would really like this chapter to be something special but a major writer's block kind of completely discourages my creativity. Sorry.**  
**Anyway, I would like to thank my followers who have motivated me to keep on doing this. Especially (in no particular order) SSAmolloy7, JMW, crimindsFan-CMCrazies, Lexijl, meika24, Catcrimindsnicolle and howimetyourcriminalmind. I'm always happy to read your reviews 3**

_"People always say that, when you love someone, nothing in the world matters. But that's not true, is it? You know, and I know, that when you love someone, everything in the world matters a little bit more."_  
_-Jodi Picoult, Handle with care (awesome book, by the way)_

There were flowers, I could feel the sunshine on my face, the soft lawn under my feet, a scent of roses and lilies was in the air, Will's arms were wrapped around me, his kisses went down my neck, I smiled.  
Suddenly, everything changes, a cold wave of water hits my face, fear runs through my body, panic, angst. I take a deep breath, relieved that my lungs were free but where had the meadow gone? It was dark, I felt trapped, where was I?  
"Are you _fucking_ kidding me?" I wiped my face with the blanket, when I realized what was going on. Drips of water collected on my chin. It had been a dream and Will had interrupted my coziness with a damn glass of water.  
"I'm sorry, cher, but you didn't want to wake up when I tried it the nice way. We gotta get going, Rome's waiting for us and again, we only have a day 'cause the beach awaits us tomorrow." He announced in his excited but deep, calm and comforting voice.  
I stretched, my limbs ached for a moment until they acclimated again. I was dizzy, sleepy, a tiny bit hungover and even though I had every reason to be mad, I was happy when I blinked the last remains of water from my lashes and took a proper look at the room around me.  
My clothes were on a pile on a chair. I couldn't remember taking them off last night. Will must have done it, I blushed at the thought of my drunkenness.  
"I'm sorry about last night" i apologized. Heat rose up in my body and I covered my face with my hands. Will sat down next to me, took my hands in his and looked at me.  
"Don't be sorry, it was really amusing to see you enjoying yourself." And talk about pizza nonstop and then collapse on the bed, with my evening dress still on. Very cute, indeed. I shook my head as if I could erase the memories.  
"Oh, and just that you know: I wouldn't choose pizza over this" I ran my fingers down his chest, started unbuttoning his shirt. "Not in a million years" My lips found his and kept him from answering or object.  
He managed to pull away anyway. "It's almost 1pm! Do you realize how long you slept? We have to-"  
"Do nothing" I completed his sentence, pulling him close again, this time shutting his mouth for good...

"I had it all planned out" Will sighed later, lying breathlessly next to me.  
"We saw the colosseum from the plane and had pizza last night. The only thing left to do is eat some gelato and we're done. Plus, the Tuscany is probably as Italian as Rome." I tried to calm him. There was no sign of regret in his face, I could tell that he was slightly upset that I had messed up his schedule.  
"It's our 6 month anniversary today" Will suddenly said. What? I really should pay more attention to dates. Was that even possible? How had time gone by so quickly? We had first met in April! May, June, July, august, September... Damn, he was right and embarrassingly, I had forgotten.  
"I know and that-" I pecked him. "-was my gift for you." I tried to play it cool but he had already looked through me.  
"You totally forgot about it" He exposed me.  
"Maybe. But it's just because I don't know what day it is, with all the traveling."  
"You're a terrible liar" I gave in then and and fell back in the pillow.  
"How can I make it up to you?" I said in an alluring voice, trying to seduce him again but he pushed me away.  
"Not a chance, we do at least some sightseeing and have dinner reservations in the evening. So get dressed. Now"  
"Yes sir" I put my hand to my head, tries to look serious and covered my trunk with the satin blanket, pulling it behind me as I went for the shower.  
"I'm going to take a shower, so, if you feel the need to clean yourself again-" I hinted but he pointed to the bathroom.  
"No distractions, now go." It must have really cost him some strength to restrain my seduction attempts. And all just to make a sightseeing tour through Rome with me. Wasn't this every woman's dream? Yes it was. Well, not exactly. It was every _other_ woman's dream and my reality.

"Can we have ice cream now?" I pleaded, my feet still ached.  
"What, are you 5?"  
"It feels like that sometimes."  
"Well then, little Jennifer, let's get you some Gelato." He held my hand like you hold a child's and showed me the way.  
I had never liked my name, that's why people came up with JJ, because I always complained when someone called me Jennifer. But now that Will had said it, it didn't sound so bad anymore. Maybe because I hadn't heard anyone say it in a long time. I introduced myself as Agent Jennifer Jareau and quickly told them to call me JJ and they did.  
So I don't know if it was just because I hadn't heard it in a while or because everything sounds lovely when Will says it. But I liked it.

"How come you're so perfect?" I asked that night over dinner. Pizza.  
The day had gone by quickly, it was just babbling on and on about the history and Caesar and fights and whatsoever. Italy didn't interest me as much as France, yet the passion of the people and the food had always appealed to me.  
"How come you don't realize how perfect you are?" I looked away, blushing. I knew, I wasn't but this was neither the time nor the place to be fishing for compliments by saying that aloud.  
"I'm serious, why would I ever deserve a man who thinks of the anniversary even if I didn't? A man who takes me on a road trip through Europe?" my voice broke when I thought of all the things he had done for me.  
"It's nothing. Just a little vacation that you definitely needed. Look at your eyes, they're sparkling again. You don't seem to have nightmares anymore, you appear relaxed. That's _all_ I wanted." Although I had really tried to keep it back, a tear rolled down my cheek. God damn my emotionality.  
"It's everything, Will. I was broken when you found me, when you practically picked me up from the street. I had lost the faith in love and now it's all that's on my mind, all that's in my heart. I will never be able to thank you enough."  
He shook his head heavily, his left hand grabbed mine, with the other he wiped the tear away.  
"Why are you crying again? You make such a deal out of nothing and I am sorry that no man has ever treated you like this before. Because that's the _only_ way you should be treated." How could he sound so honest while his words seemed like a lie to me? What was wrong with me that I couldn't just take a compliment? Who had done me so wrong that I never believed I was good enough for anything or anyone?  
Why couldn't I just accept the fact that Will was here and wasn't going anywhere?  
"I love you" The only words that seemed appropriate for this moment. I held on to his hand tightly.  
"I know" He smiled.  
People say that you can wear words out, especially those three magical ones. But I felt like they only got stronger and more meaningful every time I said them. It hadn't become a habit, it was simply all of my feelings stuffed into eight little letters.  
Pizza and love is undoubtedly the best combination in the whole wide world...


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21/ Day 7**  
**Thursday**

Sorry the chapter's so short and crappy, I was really busy and I don't know a lot about Rome, it's been years since I was there, so I decided to skip the details and get to the Spa-part.

_"Life is like an ice cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time." -Charles M. Schulz_

"It's time for an audience with the pope." Will clapped his hands together once and motioned me to get up from the loveseat.  
"It's Thursday. I don't think he's just chilling on his balcony all day every day" I said distrustfully and slightly annoyed. Plus, it was like super comfortable in that chair.  
"I don't care! Your laziness starts to take the upper hand, we need to fight it"  
"Naah" I groaned and leaned back, pretending to sleep.  
"Well then, I'm going to get our luggage downstairs. When I get back, you better be ready." he disappeared, leaving me with my heavy legs.  
A few minutes later, he reappeared in the doorway, with a look on his face that said 'you're done'. But before I could react by getting up, he picked me up, grabbed my bag and carried me out.  
My feet didn't touch the ground again until we were out of the hotel. "That wasn't necessary."  
"We both know it was" Will argued "Now suck it up. We have to be back in 5 hours and I wanna see everything before we leave." he steered me in the opposite direction of the day before.  
"I doubt you'll be able to see _everything_! It's a big city and I'm sorry, but I forgot my helicopter at the hotel parking lot."  
"Damn you." He screwed up his eyes. "I thought you said you always wanted to go to Italy?" He sounded disappointed.  
"I did! And I'm sorry it's so hard to motivate me, I'm just exhausted, I guess."  
"You rest much more than during a week of work"  
"I do and I'm so thankful that you're doing this with me. I suppose my body had already braced itself for lying at the beach for a week" I admitted, feeling sorry to be such a burden for him. He deserved better than that, what was wrong with me? I'd always followed everyone quietly and now Will comes along and I start to rebel like a teenager.  
"5 hours" he checked his watch again. "4 hours. If I buy you ice cream, can we see the pope? Or his palace, anyway? We'll just take a picture so we can tell everybody we were there."  
"I would follow you anywhere!" I pecked him. "Even without ice cream. But now that you've suggested it, I won't say no to that either"

A cab, the third, after the first two said no ice cream in their car and we politely declined, took us as close to the St. Peter's square as possible. After reading the Da Vinci Code, I had a certain picture in my head but the reality was just so much bigger. Hundreds of tourists ran around, I held on tightly to my purse- the vatican's famous for their shoplifters.  
Dan Brown couldn't have put the majesty and nobleness of the pope's mansion, as I like to call it, into words. It was simply indescribable as most of the things on our trip. You had to see them to understand it, you had to eat it yourself to identify with what I'm talking about.  
We followed a guided group around, they were from Britain but didn't notice we didn't belong to them. We learned some interesting facts, Vatican city's amount if habitants, 800-something, the official language, Italian, the official language of the Holy See, Latin and tons of other stuff I didn't keep in my mind, there seemed to be more important things than knowing when the first flower was planted and what color the pope wore.  
"I'm glad I could convince you to come, it seems like you like it." I lightly punched his shoulder.  
"I would have come anyway. I'm just not a morning person.

I was sad to leave again, even if it might not have seemed like it that morning but I really loved the city. The old architecture, the historic background. Now that I had to leave it, everything I criticized the other morning suddenly became what pulled me to the city.  
But I was also glad to finally get to the sleeping part of our vacation.  
Red houses and green roofs were waiting! At least that's what they say about the countryside.  
My well deserved lounger was calling for me, waiting for me to sip cocktails and relax, relax, relax...


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22/ Friday**

**Sorry, but I don't have time to reread and edit it, hope there aren't too many mistakes.**

The train ride was magical. We watched the sun set behind the hills, most of the houses really were built with red sandstone.  
It was about 11pm when we arrived at the station of a little village, well, I suppose it must have been a town to have a train station but it was small, cozy, exactly like I had pictured it. I could see the big women in front of my mind's eye. They were chasing after black cats, swearing and then proceeding to their kitchen so their husband would have something to come home to.  
But this wasn't our final destination, it seemed, 'cause Will called a cab.  
Another 30 minutes later, I couldn't tell where we were, it was too dark, the car slowed down. Will thanked the driver and handed him some money, then got out and opened the trunk for our luggage.  
Sleepy, I unlocked the car door and set my foot outside. The ground seemed sandy, where we close to the beach? When I had gotten out completely, I heard waves crash on the shore, a salty scent lay in the air, pine trees surrounded what's silhouette seemed like a house. A gigantic one.  
But why was it this quiet? Of course it the middle of the night, still there wasn't even a street lamp or a window at all, as far as I could tell.  
The taxi drove away again, Will was still quiet but I couldn't take it anymore. "Where are we?"  
"Shh. Save the moment" he walked a few more steps, coming to a halt at the door of the big house. Was this our hotel? Without lights? Very unlikely.  
He pulled a key out of his bag, unlocked the door. No, this wasn't..  
"This-" he opened the door and switched the lights on. "-Is where we're staying!" He gave me a moment to cope with this information. We had our own villa? Our own mansion?  
I put my bag down on a table in the hallway. My flip flops made annoying sounds as I nimbly took one step after another. White tiles, white walls, dark furniture. There was marble and gold everywhere, a statue of Botticelli's Venus stood in a corner of the living room.  
A loud thump signalized me that the luggage was put down on the first floor, probably the bedroom. Only seconds later, another thump told me the door had been closed.  
I reached for the black leather sofa, usually not my style but in this particular apartment it fit, like it was made to stand on this very spot. It was soft under palms. Another cupboard revealed fine china, old tea-sets, silverware.  
Something stroked my feet, I looked down to find a fluffy white carpet and couldn't resist to take off my shoes. This sounds cruel now, but it was like walking on a cat, like silk but with long hairs.  
Two big hands touched my waist and woke me up from my trance. Will's chin rested on my right shoulder.  
"What is this place?" I stuttered. Still praying it wasn't some mistake. I thought that I was dreaming but Will's touch was too real. No fantasy could compete with the warmth and fleeciness of his skin, not to mention his scent.  
"It's a friends of a friend's house. He said we can have it for the weekend and all we have to pay for is the cleaning lady on Sunday." This was crazy, insane. Not real. But if my mind offered me such a beautiful dream, why not go with it and enjoy every minute of it. I turned around, held on to Will's neck, his hands stayed around my waist and whispered another thank you. The words I had said so many times that week and still found something new to thank him for.  
"Thank you" Whatever he was thankful for, I didn't bother to ask.  
I slightly opened my mouth, our faces came closer together until they were just an inch apart. I got up on my tiptoes and reached for his mouth, his sweet lips found mine, his breath flooded my lungs. I held the grip on his hair when he hit a wall, jumped up and sat on his hips, my ankles crossed behind him. Somehow he managed to walk up the stairs, carrying me, our lips never losing each other. His short stubbles tickled my chin. He had to pull away after throwing me on the bed so he could take off my shirt but our lips found each other again immediately. The tiredness had vanished, so had the nervousness of the train ride and the house didn't matter either. It was just us. All night...

I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and toast. When I opened my eyes, Will was setting a tray on the bed, with fruits, coffee and something that looked like a bagel but the hole was tiny.  
Breakfast in bed served by my shirtless boyfriend. I'd never felt so young before.  
"Can it get any better than that?" I took a bite of a white peach, watery, fruity flesh tinned down my throat. How come Italian fruits are so much fresher and fruitier than American? It's not like ours are 5 days old and in real life vegetables.  
"I don't know, have you looked out of the window yet?" Will interrupted the sensation of tastes in my mouth.  
What could possibly be outside of that window? The ocean, but I'd seen the ocean before. Curious buy shyly, I moved the curtains to the side and took a glance. It wasn't just some beach, it was our private beach. A little path with flowers led the way from our terrace to the shore, cliffs and big rocks protected it from the wind. The sand looked white as the snow, the water was turquoise and only far away on the other side, I could see people again. I slowly turned around.  
"Are. You. Kidding. Me?"  
It couldn't have been more perfect. Sightseeing until my feet were dead and then regaining lost energy at the sea.  
"I wanted us to stay here for the entire time but my friend's friend was here himself until yesterday so I thought we might as well explore Europe."  
No, 2 days were enough. 48 hours of sand, water, food and Will.  
"You're unbelievable" I threw myself in his arms.  
"Just trying to compete with you" he embraced me tightly.  
But there was no time for hugging! We had to swim and eat and relax. So I threw away my pajamas, hurried in the bathroom an changed into my bikini, dragging Will behind me as I danced to the beach, grabbing a towel on the way.  
Our hands touched while we lay at the beach, like two corpses, taking in as much sun as possible.  
And it was enough, I didn't need a fancy house as long as nobody talked during my sunbathing time. But since it was already there, I didn't complain either.

"You're sure, you don't want me to get you a pizza?" Will asked for the fifth time that evening.  
"Yes, look at all those groceries, they'll go bad if we don't eat them. Besides, the closest pizzeria is like 15 minutes away from here. We're in the middle of nowhere, remember?"  
"And I would walk 5 hundred miles and I would walk 5 hundred more, just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to get pizza in your mouth." he sang, very poorly, I might add.  
"That's sweet, but I'm fine"  
I had quickly thrown a short dress over my bikini and didn't want to leave the mansion, even though my tummy practically screamed for pizza. But I didn't want Will to leave either so my tummy just had to deal with the fact that we would have pasta with vegetables for dinner.

"That was delicious, I never knew you could cook so well" Will said surprised, putting his fork down.  
"That's because you never let me cook! And the Italian atmosphere, it inspires me" I looked around, throwing my hands in the air like I was doing a magic trick. He laughed and got up to put his plate in the dishwasher, taking mine with him.  
"So what now? Hiking? Taking a long, romantic walk at the beach? Watching TV? I'm up for anything." I leaned back in my chair, full but my stomach didn't feel heavy.  
"I really like that walk at the beach-idea"  
I got up, he took my hand, we spun around a few times, dancing to the music in our heads until we dances out of the door, leaving it open cause nobody could get close enough to break in, until we disappeared in the darkness...


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23/ Saturday**

**Again, it's really short, I've been so busy this weekend. Enjoy, and as always, leave a review if you like it or tell me what you didn't like. :)**

_"Leave something for someone but don't leave someone for something"_  
_-Enid Blyton _

"Wake up, beautiful" Why was Will always awake earlier than me? His feet touched mine under the blanket and I turned around to face him. "I don't want to get up" I buried my face in the pillow.  
"Ok, then. I'll just go down to the beach on my own." he pushed the cover away, motioning to get up but I pulled him back, placing frantic kisses on his lips. "Not a chance." But then I became serious again. "If we get up now, it's officially Saturday, which means we have to leave paradise so we can back to our bloody everyday life." I complained, looking down at the expensive fabric. "Literally."  
He wiped an eyelash from my face, keeping his hand on my cheek. "Life will never be the same again."  
"No, it won't." After all, you could have compared our trip to a honeymoon; sun, sex and sightseeing. What else do you want or need? But it had changed everything indeed. We suddenly knew so much about each other. When I looked into his eyes, I felt like I could look right into his soul.  
"But if we don't get up now, what happens to the watermelon in the fridge and the espresso in the fancy machine that you love so much?" He had a point. The coffee was, like everything in Italy, simply awesome; aromatic, hot, spicy. Exactly like a coffee is supposed to be.  
So I crawled out of the bed against my will, slowly, tripped Ns lay down on the floor again. I could hear Will sigh and a moment later he had walked around the corner of the bed and appeared in my field of view, a questioning look on his face.  
"I'm sorry. I really tried" I moved my hands over the silkiness of the carpet, closing my eyes. Will lay down beside me, slightly stroked me hair and looked at the ceiling with me.  
"I don't want to leave either."  
"I don't want to leave you" I admitted shyly. Of course this wasn't a permanent goodbye but I had gotten so used to waking up next to him, spending all my time with him, not worrying about anything.  
"I'll miss seeing you everyday, too" He said as if he could read my mind.  
So we just lay there, our eyes closed, listening to each other's breathing and the crashing of the waves, waiting for something to happen.

The ringing of my phone interrupted our deep thoughts. I sprung up and searched my bag for it, snapping it open. Emily. I couldn't pick up, it costs a fortune to call overseas and I didn't want to ruin this moment. But she didn't know I was in such a good company on a different continent. It would be less superstitious if I just talked to her for a minute... "Jennifer Jareau" I tried to sound excited but didn't manage very well.  
"Hey, JJ, it's Emily"  
"Oh, hey, how are you?"  
"Goo! When are you coming home? We miss you! Besides, there's an empty seat in the plane, you better fill it soon." Work. Of course she'd tell me about it. My stomach twisted at the thought of the dozens of requests I would find on my desk, the dozens of grieving parents I would have to embrace and the one person I wouldn't get to embrace, once I got home, even though it was all I wanted.  
"yeah, sure, I'm coming back to work on monday. I know how screwed you are without me." It was difficult to joke about work, I really didn't feel like thinking of it.  
"You better. Anyway, Garcia told me to call you and ask if you wanted to go out with us tomorrow night?" I had no idea when the plane arrived or when Will left. Perhaps we flew directly to new Orleans after we land in DC. Could he hear her? I chuckled at the cold kisses Will placed on my neck.  
"Not a chance, I'm not leaving until Monday morning" He whispered in my free ear. So he did hear her and was listening. Did he know Emily thought I was with my family? Did he think I'd told them about us?  
"Uhm, that sounds great but I think I better unpack and get my things together for monday." I lied.  
"Ok, well, guess I'll be the one to break the news to Garcia, then. See you. Say hi to your family"  
I whispered a quick goodbye and hung up, throwing my phone on the bed.  
Biting my lip, I turned around.  
"Your family?" Will raised his eyebrows.  
"They kind of think I'm in Pennsylvania right now" I admitted.  
"Are you saying they don't know about us at all?"  
I looked at my hands, embarrassed, knowing I wouldn't have a reason if he asked me why.  
"JJ, it's been going on for 6 months now and I think we both agree that what we have is more than some quick flirt." He sounded almost angry. Of course it was more but it was between him and me after all. They had nothing to do with it and I liked it that way.  
"I'm sorry"  
"I don't want you to be sorry, I wouldn't know for what. It's just... I don't know.. It's your decision, I guess." His mouth said it's ok but I could tell from his eyes how disappointed he was.  
"I'll tell them when we get back" I promised. And I meant it. I wanted to tell them. But for some reason I wouldn't. I wouldn't tell them for a long time...


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24/ Saturday**

Thanks for reading. Enjoy and, as always, leave a review :)

_"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."_  
_-Ingrid Bergmann_

"Who will buy me ice cream?" I whined while sipping my watermelon.  
"I'm not _dying_! Besides, you're a grown woman and perfectly capable of buying ice cream for yourself"  
"It's not the same" I made a sad face.  
"Well, then you have to wait until next weekend when you come to New Orleans again" He had stopped peeling his orange to look at me.  
"If you're nice, I may consider visiting you again" I teased him.  
"You wouldn't dare to leave me alone. I was your savior." Yes, yes he was. I was a mess when he had found me, my life was entirely consumed by work. I rarely left my apartment on the weekend. Stress had become habit, the wrinkles or worry on my forehead rarely left. The only thing missing was lying on the bed, curtains drawn, curled up like a fetus and crying over being alone. But that wasn't far either. A couple more weeks and I can't guarantee for anything.  
"Thank you."  
"Thank _you_. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here either." He pointed to the big espresso machine. "And man, I sure like it here." I liked it, too. But leaving is a part of life. If you go somewhere it always means leaving something and looking towards leaving again. But that's ok, new opportunities will open up for you. By going home, a new chapter opened up for us. I had gained new strength and self confidence during this week. And as much as I hadn't missed work, I was looking forward to going there again as the new person I had become in only 9 short days.

Packing was easy, since we'd never stayed at a place for more than two days in a row, we lived out of the suitcase. Besides, I hadn't worn much apart from my bikini and a long shirt that Will had borrowed me and I had used as a beach dress, pajama and had even worn on top of my bikini when I had gotten pizza the other day.  
"I'm stupid." Will zipped his suitcase shut.  
"I know but why now?"  
"You travel so much, I'm sure you would have preferred some steadiness in your time off." He was being ridiculous, as always worrying way too much over nothing.  
"Yes, I hated that you took me to Paris and Rome and _this_ in a week, only so I could have it all."  
"I didn't mean it like that, but I could have thought of it. After all this-" I couldn't take it anymore and pressed my lips on his so I wouldn't have to hear is angel like voice anymore. When I was sure he wouldn't go on talking once I pulled away, I did, carefully, waiting if he took a breath to talk. But he didn't, so I dared to say something myself.  
"We only have a few hours left in our own mansion and I don't want to spend it discussing something that isn't even there. Everything was perfect, I enjoyed every minute of it. I'm surprised I don't explode with all the happiness in me. So don't you ever say something like that again. Ever. Don't doubt yourself. I'm not mute and able to tell you when I'm unhappy. Which I can't imagine ever being when you're around." I sounded almost angry, it felt freeing to talk it away.  
"Now tell me what we're going to do."  
"I'm sorry."  
"No, stop apologizing, too! Just accept the fact that everything is perfect and tell me what we could do. Reality will wake over soon enough, let's just enjoy the sun and the house and the food." I never thought I'd yell at someone for being too protective about me and caring too much about what I want.  
He looked quite perplexed but didn't argue. "I saw a bottle of champagne in the fridge, we could try out the hot tub in the yard and celebrate something. I'm sure we'll find something."  
"See, that's what I've been talking about." I undressed quickly, dancing down the stairs in my bikini. Will followed me, took a turn to the kitchen and arrived at the pool only a moment after me.  
We got into the hot water. I wondered if it was always heated, even if no one was in the house. Imagine coming home from a stressful day at work and jumping in the hot tub only a minute after entering through the main door.  
Will poured us two glasses and handed me one.j  
"What are we drinking on?" He asked.  
"I don't know." I thought for a moment, searching for the words. "To love." I raised my glass. "The greatest gift of all." We clinked glasses, the water bubbling up to our throats. All signs of our little fight had vanished and harmony had taken over again.  
All afternoon, we drank champagne, kissed, took in as much of the Italian sun as possible and were happy. We didn't think about leaving, we didn't talk about anything in particular. We lived and enjoyed each other's company until our skin was wrinkly and the time on the clock forced us to get out and by saying goodbye to the water and house, we said goodbye to the vacation that had brought us closer together than ever. A vacation that would forever be a perfect memory forever, a proof that true love does exist.

When the plane landed in rainy Washington DC, a flash of reality hit me. I was home and life would go back to normal.  
Pushing the cart with our luggage, Will walked silently beside me and I could tell he thought about the same thing as I did.  
It was comforting to know he was going to stay the night until I had fully acclimated again.

"Home sweet home" Will announced, turning my key in the lock and switching the lights on. I let out a moan. Home, yes. Sweet, no.


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER 25**

_"Every happiness of yesterday is a memory for tomorrow"_  
_-George W. Douglas_

The next morning I had managed to hide from the team until it was time to brief them. I had needed a moment for myself until I had settled again. Will was already up in the air, on his way back to work. It had been tough to say goodbye but I promised to come see him again the next weekend and it had been weird to say goodbye because we had gotten so used to being together. But there was no way around it, so made it quick. Like ripping off a band aid. A short, passionate kiss, a goodbye smile and we both took off in different directions...

"Tell me _everything_" Emily hugged me when I left my office.  
"About what?" I started to sweat a little. Did she know?  
"Your vacation. What does it feel like to not work?" She joked. Even though she had a point with the working-thing, I wanted to tell her everything. The truth. About Will, about our trip, about Paris, the beach, about my being on cloud nine. Instead, I was back in my role as a single workaholic.  
"It's great. But I was with my family and my best friend from high school and her 9 year old were there for a visit so I didn't sleep in very often." It _had_ been great. I _didn't_ sleep in very often, either. The only real lie was my high school friend. Which existed, though. So it was just a little twist of the reality.  
"I'm just glad you're back. It's not the same without you." She put her arm on my shoulder as we walked to the bullpen.  
"Look who's here" Everyone sang, hugging and welcoming me.  
"Look who's so tan" Morgan was last to enter the room.  
I blushed, there was not enough sun in Pennsylvania to cause my tan skin. They were profilers and definitely wouldn't buy that.  
"Uhm, yeah... Mckenzie, an old friend, and I tried out this spray-tanning-thing. It looks real, doesn't it?" Here I went, sinking deeper and deeper in the quicksand of lies.  
Thankfully Hotch entered, greeted me friendly and sat down so I could fill them in on the case.

Working with the team again was like I'd never left, the joy and happiness took a backseat during the daytime but when I was alone in my hotel room, I couldn't hide a smile anymore. I was tired so I quickly texted Will and got changed. 'Busy day. Going to sleep. Talk to you tomorrow?' I had almost fallen asleep when my phone vibrated on the nighstand.  
'Anytime. Sweet dreams'

"JJ, I may not be a profiler but nobody gets this sun soaked in Pennsylvania." Garcia trotted beside me when we came back from the airport and I just wanted to grab some things. Why did everyone pay so much attention to my skin colour?  
"Don't be mean, we have sun!" I tried play it cool, unsuccessfully.  
"Well then I'm talking about your soul or something cause nobody looks this happy after a week with their family"  
"You know I love my family"  
"_You_ know that's not what I me-ean." She sang.  
"Penelope, I'm fine and I would tell you if there was something to tell you but there's not. So get over it. See you tomorrow" I hurried up, knowing she couldn't catch up in her heels and by walking away like a coward I practically admitted that I was hiding something.

"He ate them" I told Will on the phone when I got home after having a pizza with the team. A disgusting pizza, compared to my experiences in Italy, but I'd have to get used to it again anyway. I couldn't tell him about all the lies because I knew he would tell me to be honest with them. He probably even thought I had told them when I got back. So I talked about the other thing that was stressing me. My feelings about work. But for the first time I wasn't crying.  
"He ate his victims and for the first time in like 5 years, I didn't come home, lock the door and hide under my blanket." I had been surprised myself that fear didn't take over once I wasn't protected by my team anymore. The gun in my pocket was useless, I knew I wouldn't use it. I was too nice to shoot someone. Even if he threatened me.  
"I'm glad I could help."  
"Technically, you didn't help. It was the vacation that you organized. But you're right, it wouldn't have been as relaxing without you."  
"You wanna talk about the case?" That was our normal procedure. But I didn't feel like talking about it. Not this time.  
"Not really. We locked up a cannibal today, did I mention he owned a barbecue restaurant? He kidnapped woman and cooked them, his recipes even had names, too. And I went home, opened a bottle of beer and threw myself on the couch. I'm a horrible person." Here I was talking about the case and whining although I had just said I didn't want to talk about it or whine.  
"No you're not. I can hear in your voice how much you like not caring too much. You just have to find the right balance between caring and not caring."  
"How do you manage to always find the right words?"  
"They just sneak up on me when you're around." That didn't sound very logical but sweet.  
"Anyway, how was your day?" I asked, hoping he'd have some good news.  
"Boring compared to yours, as always. Just a homicide. It was the wife, of course." I knew when he said '_just_' he didn't mean that it was irrelevant. But usually, Will never saved anyone. He served justice to the people who were killed but the people he locks up aren't a threat to the society and it's already too late for the victims. Nobody else would have died if the wife had gotten her money and the house she'd always dreamed of. When I go to work in the morning, there's always a person who is yet to be saved. There's always a possibility he or she is still alive.  
"Sounds interesting."  
"Sounds boring. Now tell me something I don't know." 40% of McDonald's profit comes from the sale of happy meals. I bet he didn't know that one. Instead, I said the one thing I had been dying to tell him all day.  
"I miss you"  
"I already know that."  
"Good."  
"I watched a movie tonight and the main character looked just like you. It was really weird." Weird. I hope he didn't mean she looked word.  
"What was it about?"  
And then he told me about it and we spent all night discussing our favorite movies, with no more signs of grief that we were apart. Our hearts didn't know what distance was. Because if you love someone, it doesn't matter where you are, as long as you don't stop thinking about each other.  
Did you know that it took almost 6 months to shoot 'Titanic'?

**Thanks for reading. Hope you like it, leave a review if you did and tell me what I could do better or if you have any ideas for me.**


	26. Chapter 26

**_CHAPTER 26_**

**Hey guys, I'm so sorry I didn't update in like forever, I usually write on my way to school, during my free lessons and then edit it on the way home but this weeks was too busy. So many ideas for different chapters popped up in my head but I couldn't make a whole chapter out of any of them, since I have to respect the chronological order of the episodes. It took me some time to write this because I copied a lot of lines from the series and had to watch it again. In case you didn't know: Season 3, episode 9, Penelope. Set the day after the last chapter.**

_"There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for. The answer to each is the same: Love." -Johnny Depp_

The next day was quiet, paper work, cleaning up, basically just wasting time. But as usual, I kept on seeing new things to do and new files to file so I was still in the office when everyone had already left.

Hotch walked directly towards me, I couldn't read his expression, it was serious as always.  
"What, are you trying to make me look bad by staying here longer than me?" I joked, looking down at the last case file again.  
"JJ" That's all he needed to say and I knew something was wrong. It couldn't have anything to do with Will, nobody knew about us and it couldn't have been about my family, 'cause then I would have been contacted directly. So I knew it was about my second family, my team.  
I didn't blink, stared at Hotch and waited for him to fill me in.  
"It's about Garcia. She's been shot." Shot? Garcia? Shot? No.  
"What?" I whispered.  
"That's all I know, I'm headed to the hospital now, are you coming?" Definitely. I put the case file on some table I had been leaning on. It didn't matter what happened to it and it didn't matter if it was classified and could get in the wrong hands or not. This was about little Penelope.

"My name's Jennifer Jareau, I'm here for Penelope Garcia." I announced when I ran into the emergency room.  
"She's still in surgery, we are not in the position to tell you anything new." So what? Nothing happened in the 30 minutes it took me to get there?  
"Ma'am, I'm with the FBI" I pulled out my badge and showed it to her. "We would really appreciate your cooperation."  
"I'll go check on them again" she nodded shyly and stalked away.  
I hated pulling the badge, the last thing I wanted was a special treatment, but this was different. It wasn't about me. It was about Garcia, our little bird of paradise with her colorful figures in her office to distract herself from the pictures on her screen. Our little Garcia who'd never touched a gun and hid in her dark room behind closed doors so she would feel safe. Everyone of us was aware of the risk and agreed to it every day we were out in the field but she didn't sign up for this. She didn't deserve this.

Reid arrived only a few minutes later, the nurse still missing. I shook my head to signalize that I didn't know any more than he did.  
"She's in surgery. There's no word." I told him, my hands trembling, Hotch coming in from the hallway.  
"This is crazy." Reid said dryly. Tell me about it, I thought.

Emily came through the doors shortly after Reid. Our gazes told her that there was nothing to do but wait. If we knew any thing else, so would she have by then.

"What do we know?" Was how Rossi greeted us. My text message was clear enough. 'Garcia shot. ER.' I didn't have to add anything else. He was asking for details, tracks, leads, suspects.  
"Police think it was a botched robbery." Hotch told him. Silence.

"Where's Morgan?" Emily asked, looking around in the room and noticing that someone was missing.  
"He's not answering his cell." I told her, after having tried multiple times.  
"I'll call him again" Reid pulled out his phone and turned his back on us, dialing Morgan's number.

"What aren't you saying?" I heard Rossi whisper to Hotch, not quiet enough to exclude me.  
"I spoke to one of the paramedics who brought her in. It-" He hesitated. "Doesn't look good."  
No. No. No. The last thing I said to her was probably 'ok bye' or something like that when she left the office in the afternoon. So, no. She wasn't going to die that day. No. That's all I had to say. No.  
People survive stuff like this all the time. I should know.

When the waiting drove me crazy, I stood up and went for the nurse's room.  
"Excuse me" Was all I had to say until she waved me off again.  
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I can't tell you. I wish I could but you're being with the FBI doesn't change the rules." I didn't want her to change the rules because I was with the FBI. I didn't want her to have rules. I wanted her to tell me what was happening with my friend. I was just a worried friend, a worried relative. What kind of rule says that I don't have a right to know how she is?  
I nodded politely, trying to force a smile and headed back to the team.  
"They can't give me an update." I announced and saw it in all of their faces. 'Because she's a stupid bitch' we thought.

"Morgan's phone just keeps going straight to voicemail" Reid added.  
"Where the hell is he?" Emily asked agitatedly. I think it all crossed our minds for the tiniest second, that he could have had something to do with it. But it was just in our nature to think like that. I felt embarrassed for even considering it but why wouldn't he pick up his damn phone? He usually always did.  
Hotch just shook his head and left. Nobody knew where he was going. He just walked until he was out of sight.

We sat down again, grieving and being angry on the inside, looking straight, yet sad, tired, on the outside.  
I rested my chin in my palm. Why was this happening? Why?  
Emily noticed my anxiety and took my hand. I held on to it tightly. I had worked with Garcia for two more years than her. I'd liked her since day one and Emily and her had been best friends since her day one as well. This wasn't fair. No.

The hours passed, Emily read a boring magazine, Reid got a snack, Rossi made a phone call, I texted Will... But we pretty much just sat there, silently, staring at the white wall, waiting for the nurse to tell us everything has gone well. I checked my phone every two minutes but Will didn't reply. I would have liked to hear his voice. But he couldn't be on call for me 24/7, I had to respect that.

Morgan hurried in after 2 whole hours. I got up when I saw him coming around the corner.  
"She's been in surgery a couple hours" I said.  
"I was in church. My phone was off." Morgan defended himself although nobody had accused him of anything. Not directly. Guess he won't be going to church again for quite some time. If this is what you get for praying all evening, it sure wasn't worth it.  
"There's nothing you could have been doing here" Reid reassured him and I noticed Morgan's shoulders relax a little.  
"The police got any leads?" He asked immediately, being the profiler again.  
"I spoke to the lead detective. He doesn't think we'll get anything from the scene." Hotch told him, a lump forming in my throat. Thankfully the doctor came in, delivering us the only good news that day.  
"Penelope Garcia?"  
Yes, now go on and tell us that she's alright I wanted to yell at him.  
"The bullet went in her chest and ricocheted into her abdomen. She lost a lot of blood. It was touch and go for a while, but we were able to repair the injuries."  
"So what are you saying?"  
"One centimeter over and it would have torn right through her heart. Instead she could actually walk out of here in just a couple of days and I'd say that's a minor miracle. She needs her rest. You can see her in the morning." The doctor smiled, satisfied, walking away.  
Thank god. Maybe Morgan's peace making with god wasn't so bad after all.  
Relieved, we looked at Hotch for instructions of how to proceed.  
"David and I are gonna go to the crime scene. I think the rest of you should be here when she wakes up. I don't care about protocol, I don't care wheter we're working this officially or not. We don't touch any other cases before we find out who did this" we remained quiet as he walked away with Rossi.  
That was good, 'cause I wouldn't have looked at any others. Hotch was the toughest one of us, never seemed to be bothered by the tragedy we saw every day, his expression was iron, never changing, ice cold. But we all knew that under this surface his heart was big and loving, he would sacrifice everything for this team, Haley and most importantly his son, Jack.

It was almost bright again until Garcia woke up.  
Still, nobody had a clue who did this or why, so we were hoping to get some information from her but she was very dizzy when she opened her eyes again.  
Morgan held her hand. Whatever that was between them, I saw something in their eyes that I was hoping people would see in Will's or mine when we looked at each other. She didn't see me or didn't notice me, or eyes falling close again and again.  
I called Hotch to tell him she was awake and left the room for the doctors to run more tests on her.

With Hotch at the hospital again, we were ready to interview her. I wanted to be strong for her but a tear rolled down my face after all when I kissed her cheek, welcoming her back to life.  
"Hey, no tears. I'm afraid if I start crying, I'll come unstapled." I quickly wiped it away.  
"How are you feeling?" Morgan asked for the twentieth time.  
"Confused, stupid and in pain" She answered for the first time. Stupid?  
"Are you up for some questions?" I hadn't wanted to overwhelm her but Hotch had a point, the sooner we got answers, the sooner we could track that son of a bitch down.  
"I never saw it coming. He seemed deliciously normal" She said slowly but with a steady voice.  
"You know him?" Reid was in the room as well by then.  
"You were right. I shouldn't have trusted it." She turned to Morgan.  
"What are you talking about?" Morgan seemed to understand as much as we did. Nothing.  
"It was that guy I told you about. The one I met at the coffee shop." Garcia had a guy? And he shot her? "I wanted to believe he was interested in me."  
I could see that Morgan was in pain, whatever he knew and whatever they had fought about, he regretted every single word.  
"Forget that" He was angry and I understood him too well. Why would she think that no guy would be interested in her?  
"I let my guard down." She said disappointedly and gave us his name.

When we all turned to leave her alone, she grabbed my hand. "JJ? Can you stay for a bit?" I nodded.  
"I know the procedure. Facts, victimology, I know every step that comes next. Can you promise me not to talk about me as the victim. I'm just Garcia, or Penelope, if you want. But I'm here and I'm not a victim."  
"I promise." I held up my hand, not sure if I could keep it.

Before I went to the office, I quickly stopped by at home to get changed. My apartment was dark, darker than I had in memory.  
A complete stranger invited Garcia out and then shot her. How crazy was that? In times like these you don't know who to turn to or who to trust.

Will called me at about 6am, the day after she had woken up. We had kept on missing each other's calls. "Garcia was shot?" he asked, shocked.  
"36 hours and not a single clue." My eyes filled up with tears.  
"How are you?" Me?  
"Why wouldn't you ask how Garcia's doing?"  
"You're not at the hospital anymore and you wouldn't be this calm if she died so I'm guessing she's alright and it's not my job to take care of her but of you." That was true. All of it.  
"Ever thought about becoming a profiler?" I joked.  
"You wish" And the moment he said it, I pictured what our life would be like if we worked together. If we spent every hour of every day together, at home and at work. But no, enough is as good as a feast. If we worked together, we wouldn't have anything to talk about and if we lived together, well, I supposed that would be nice but I wasn't in the mood to really consider such a big thing at a moment like this.  
"So, how are you?"  
"Fine. At least I think so. Garcia's the last person who you'd expect something like this to happen to. If she isn't safe, then who is?"  
"I'm coming!"  
"What? No! Don't be ridiculous!" Was he serious? He'd come over because I was feeling down, a little bit scared?  
"Don't you be ridiculous. You shouldn't be alone at a time like this and you told me before that it's not the same to talk to the team about work as it is with me. I want to be there for you. So I'm coming, if you want it or not. It would be nice if you opened the door, though. But, I mean, I can just stay at a hotel and wait until you decide to let me in..." He added and I heard packing sounds, drawers opening and closing again.  
"Are you kidding me? You have to work!"  
"It's Thursday, Charlie will be fine without me, I'll tell him it's an emergency."  
"But it's not"  
"If it involves you, it's always urgent"  
"No, Will, seriously, put your bag down and go back to bed."  
"Sorry, I already opened my laptop. The next flight is in... An hour... See you then" It sounded like he grabbed his keys and then hung up.  
He wouldn't make it. To get to the airport, buy a ticket and check in in an hour. But I was too lazy to call him back. Feeling a little guilty because he was rushing to the airport for me, I sipped a cup of coffee and got dressed. Work was calling. The place nobody wanted to go because no matter how hard we worked, how deep we searched, we didn't find no hints at all.

I sat at my desk, feeling helpless. I wasn't a profiler and this case didn't need a media liaison so if I wasn't at the hospital, I distracted myself with other cases, which all didn't seem important to me.  
My phone rang and I saw Will's number on the display, guessing he had missed the plane and wanted to tell me what I already knew.  
"I'll be at your office in 10 minutes."  
"No" I almost screamed out of reflex. Had he really made it? How did he know where my office was? How did he get there?  
"What?" He asked confused.  
"Get out wherever you are and I'll pick you up right away." I grabbed my keys and rushed out. The black SUV in the parking garage was fast and I had reached him in less than 8 minutes. Whatever feelings had driven me to freak out like this, I couldn't have him show up at the office and tell everyone. This wasn't the right time.  
"What the heck is wrong?" He asked, slightly scared at my stressed expression.  
"You can't just show up at the office like that." I snarled at him.  
"Well, it's good to see you, too. I told you I was coming"  
"I didn't think you would actually catch that plane. Or come to my office" I took a deep breath, wiped hints of sweat from my forehead and leaned back in the seat.  
"I'm sorry. I just didn't expect you." I shook my head and kissed him, my eyes closed. But he pulled away.  
"Are you ok?" He asked, a weird expression on his face.  
"No." I screamed. This was too much. "I'm not. Garcia just got shot by some random asshole and we've tried and tried but haven't found any clues in two days and now you just show up here at my office, like it was the most normal thing ever, almost telling my team about us!" I sobbed. He didn't say anything about the team still not knowing, he took me in his arms and waited patiently until I had calmed down again.

"I'm glad you're here." I confessed when we got to my apartment. "But I'm just gonna hide you in here, I have to go back to work." I apologized.  
"It's fine, I brought tons of paperwork, I won't get bored." He promised, winking at me.  
"Thank you" I said again, walking out of the door. When I was already halfway down the corridor, I turned on my heels, walked back and opened the door.  
"Will?" I looked for him, he appeared out of my bedroom, case files in his hands.  
"I love you" I told him. Going to work was always a risk but I never really realized it unless Will was actually close. He dropped the files and met me at the door, his hands on my back, holding the hair out of my face. Our eyes met for a moment until we closed them for the kiss. A proper. The little kiss in the car hadn't been honest, just an attempt to distract him. This kiss thanked him for coming on a different level, apologized for hiding him in the apartment and just told him that I loved to be with him. In case he had forgotten.

"Where were you?" Emily asked when I got out of the elevator.  
"Um. I forgot something at home" I tried to play it cool. Thankfully Hotch interrupted us, calling us in for another meeting, which we wouldn't leave with any more clues than with which we had entered it.

When I got home in the evening, 5:30 on the dot, Will was lying on the couch.  
"How was your day?" He asked. I dropped my bag.  
"We still don't have a lead."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Don't be" I said, taking off my jacket and sitting down on the couch next to him.  
"Don't be" I repeated in a whisper and crushed my lips against his, taking in his scent and taste, feeling alive for the first time in over a week since I'd last been to new Orleans, forgetting all about the pain and anger that had collected inside of me.

The next day and the day after that went down quite like the first two. The days weren't long enough to search for more leads, the nights weren't long enough to make up for leaving Will behind all day. I visited Garcia during my working hours, there wasn't a lot to do at the office and Morgan needed to sleep now and again, even though he insisted that he didn't. They kept on interviewing Garcia but she didn't remember anything helpful.

"You'll find him" Will reassured me that evening without me having said anything. Garcia was at home again, Morgan was with her and I knew she was in good hands but I couldn't relax.  
"I hope you're right" I sighed, snuggling up under the blanket, falling asleep the next minute.

My phone rang at 2am. It was Morgan, someone shot Garcia's guard, we had to come over straightaway.  
"JJ?" Will rubbed his eyes, blinking in the bright light.  
"I gotta go" I was dressed in a minute and out the door in another.

Everyone was already waiting for me at Garcia's.  
She remembered an important clue and Hotch took me back to the BAU.  
I was tired, quiet, when we were in the car. Nothing made sense anymore. Why did this keep happening to us?

...

I don't know how it happened. Morgan called and I didn't think. I just did it.  
When I reached the bullpen, everyone had pulled their guns and tried to negotiate. It was a life or death situation and I was the one who could make the decisive move. I slipped in behind the glass door, raised my gun and pulled the trigger. He turned around, the bullet hit his forehead, not much blood splattered but he was on the floor in an instant. The door was broken, the FBI logo lay in a million shattered pieces on the ground. I had had a clear sight of him, had watched his face turn from surprised to completely expressionless, pulled the trigger and he was dead. Even peaceful.  
It was over and we all knew it.

"I never wanted you to have to do such a thing" Penelope apologized when I sat at someone's desk, trying to realize what had just happened.  
"I never even blinked!" I admitted. "You do whatever it takes to protect your family." She hugged me.  
"Thank you."  
"What for?" I asked, shrugging my shoulders and she smiled.  
"I think someone's watching you" I pointed my head towards the other nerd in the room. He was called Kevin Lynch and had replaced Garcia during her suspension.  
She walked over and there was so much tension between them immediately, that I felt embarrassed for watching. So I stood up, the gun safely in it's holder.  
Now that it was over, Will would leave again. I pushed down the gas pedal to get home to him as quick as possible.

"Look who's home" I sang, entering the hallway.  
"Why so early?" He asked, greeting me with a kiss and an embrace.  
"It's over. He's dead, Garcia's safe. Case solved. Moving on." I said in a happy tone.  
"Great. Wait, he's dead?"  
"I shot him" I said with a smile, nodding my head slightly.  
"Y-you-?" He asked with a horrified expression.  
"Yes, I shot him and I don't care about it. He was bad and I made an oath to this country that I would protect it from all evil so here I am keeping that promise" I was satisfied with myself.  
He didn't have time to answer or congratulate me or whatever he was planning on doing. My lips were intertwined with his and there was not a chance of pulling away from my happy mood.  
We had won the case. Once again...

**At least it's a little bit longer than the previous one. It's a great Morgan/Garcia episode but I wanted Will to be a part of it, too, so he flew over to be there for her. Sorry that he is only mentioned so little.**


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER 27**

_"When your mother asks, 'do you want a piece of advice?' it's rather a formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."_  
_-Erna_

"I _can't_. I haven't seen her since _September_!" I justified my decision to go to my family's for the weekend.  
"I haven't seen _you_ in 4 weeks"  
"Notice the difference?"  
"Fine, next weekend then?"  
"Yes." I promised. Just another promise I wouldn't keep.  
"Well then, I guess I'll have to wait some more."  
"I'm sorry." He's a patient man, I knew he would be ok.  
"Ok, listen, Cher, I gotta go, Charlie's waiting for me outside."  
"Alright, talk to you later." I said but the line was already dead.

"Any plans for the weekend?" Emily asked, watching me pack up my stuff.  
"Uhm, yeah, I'm going to visit my mom again, I think my brother's coming, too."  
"You have a _brother_?"  
"We're not really close, he's my half brother, my father's son, who stayed with us on the weekends when I was little, but he's bringing his 8 year old daughter." I explained why they'd never heard of him. I had wanted to see Will more than anything and it had hurt me to choose between Marc and him, especially since Marc was like one of my least favorite people in thew world but I hadn't seen Lizzy in like 3 years and couldn't resist when Marc told me that they'd be in town for the weekend. Plus, sooner or later I had to tell my mother about Will.  
"Sounds like fun" Emily pointed out. Definitely not.  
"How about you?" I asked, hoping she'd tell me that she had a boyfriend or something, I was tired of being the only one with a love life, even though they didn't know I had one. Well, Garcia was crazy in love with her computer nerd so there were actually already 2 of us by then but it was different talking to Emily about that stuff and I would have been so happy for her.  
"Nothing much, just waiting for someone to call me in again."  
I laughed, secretly praying that _wasn't_ going to happen.  
"Have fun" I winked  
"You, too" She waved goodbye and we both got into our cars.

I headed straight to the airport, my little suitcase on the passenger seat. Johnny Cash was on the radio, singing about his love for June, making me feel even more guilty than I already did.  
_'You can't see it with your eyes, hold it in your hands_  
_But like the wind it covers our land_  
_Strong enough to rule the heart of any man_  
_This thing called love_  
_It can lift you up never let you down_  
_Take your world and turn it around_  
_Ever since time nothing's ever been found_  
_That's stronger than love'_

I wasn't in a hurry but decided to go through security straightaway, they had coffee beyond that point as well.  
Because I was stupid and retarded and hadn't paid any attention to it, my gun was still in my bag.  
Hoping they wouldn't see it, I left it in there and put it on the conveyor.  
The metal detector didn't make a sound when I walked through it but the security guard called me towards him. Of course.  
"Excuse me, ma'am, but are you trying to fool me?" He opened the zipper an pulled out the gun.  
"I can explain"I pressed my lips together, smiling.  
"Go ahead"  
"Uhm, I work for the FBI!" I said, it sounded like a question, I showed him my badge.  
"And I am really happy for you. But you need an official permission to carry a gun on an airplane, which you know, of course." I nodded. "And I'm guessing you don't have one" He concluded.  
Technically, I did. Just not for this particular flight.  
"Look, I came directly from work and I'm visiting my family in Pennsylvania. I don't have _any_ bad intentions."  
"I believe you. But I can't let you travel with a loaded gun."  
"I don't have time to go home and put it in the safe." I pleaded.  
"It's against regulations. If you check the luggage in, you can put whatever you want in that bag."  
"Come on, I'm not paying extra fees for this tiny purse with a shirt and a pair of jeans in it" I was slightly annoyed, trying to convince him with my cuteness, which definitely worked better when I was still 21.  
He shook his head.  
"It's against-"  
"-Regulations, I know" I was trying to think of a way to persuade him. "If I gave you the monition, would it be ok then?" I asked hopefully.  
"I'm going to hell for this." He let out a sigh. "Keep it in your bag at all times, let nobody see it. If someone does catch you, show the badge and nobody will ask for an official paper, not even the pilot. I have a family-" he pulled a picture out of his pocket and showed it to me. "Don't you dare take their daddy away from them" He said in his deep voice, lowering his glasses to look in my eyes.  
"I promise" I raised a hand and zipped the bag close again.  
"Thank you." I walked away.  
"Good luck trying to get on a plane back home" He yelled after me but I didn't react. If I did it once, I could do it again.  
That man had just broken one of the most important American laws. Airplane security and weapons were our tender spot and he let a foreign woman walk around at an airport carrying a 44. But for once in my life I didn't mind and was just glad that people seemed to trust my innocence.

My birthplace hadn't changed one bit. My room looked pretty much the same, nobody ever bothered to buy new sheets so I still had the ones with flowers from high school.  
Thrilled to see me, my mom had taken me in her arms at the airport. I used to visit her regularly but since Will was in my life, I was at his or working on the weekends.  
Exhausted from the flight, I let out a sigh and dropped my stuff on the bed, going downstairs again, already hearing the tea kettle.  
The moment I got downstairs, the doorbell rang and a shrill shout rang out when my mom opened. It was my niece, Lizzy, my brother, Marc, and his girlfriend, Harper. She wore heels and a high ponytail, definitely not the best hairstyle to wear when you have a chubby face, her brown hair looked oily. Exactly the way I remembered her.  
We hugged and greeted each other and walked to the dining room.  
My mother brought the tea and some biscuits, Lizzy played with a doll in Marc's old room that had been turned into her nursery.  
Marc took Harper's hand, biting his lip when he looked at her. She smiled and nodded.  
I knew then that they had news and it would be either that she was pregnant again or they were getting married.  
"Mom, Jennifer" He was the only one who called me that. "We would like to announce something." My mother raised her eyebrows, probably aware of the only two possible options.  
"We decided to get married!" He blurted out, Harper's face looked like she was going to laugh but no sound came out.  
My mom yelled 'congratulations' but my first reaction was to ask why he had said they decided to get married.  
"Well, we've been together for 8 years now and thought it was time for the next step." He explained. I just smiled. 8 years. Lizzy was 8 so they obviously hadn't been dating very long before he knocked her up and the fact that he didn't really propose, even after such a long time, didn't indicate true love. I never saw the point in getting married, anyway. Whether you were in love or you weren't, a ring didn't change anything in my point of view.  
But I didn't care, my brother had always teased me when I was little and Harper's been unsympathetic from the first time I met her, too. Lizzy wasn't an angel either and had obviously inherited her mother's geniality (non-existing) but I liked her. After all, she didn't choose to be attached to this family. So I stayed out of it. They weren't really _my_ family and it sounds harsh now, but I really didn't care what they were doing.  
They talked about their plans for the wedding and I excused myself to call Will. Well, to go to my room, but what I did was call Will.

"They _decided_ to get married" I moaned on the phone. After we were through with the how are you- and how is your family part.  
"Aren't you happy for them?" Will asked  
"I am. It's just that as far as I'm concerned, getting married is an act of love. In case all Harper wants is Marc's money, she's going to have to wait for a loong time and apart from that, I can't think of another reason to do it."  
"Calm down, cher, they'll make their own mistakes and then you can say you told them so but don't talk this bad for them if you don't know what's really going on." He had a point but I was furious anyway.  
"You're right." I wanted to ask him about his day but my mom yelled that it was time for dinner..  
"Sorry, Will, I gotta go. Diner's ready." I apologized.  
"Ok, enjoy your time with your family" He said and hung up.

The smell of roast beef greeted me when I came down the stairs again.  
"Where have you been?" My mother asked when I entered the dining room again.  
"A round of hot telephone sex with her boyfriend!" My brother laughed. Wow, he really hadn't grown up at all, not even as a father.  
"_No_" I just said, squeezing my eyes at him. I wasn't denying Will. I was denying that we had phone sex. Which we hadn't, so technically, I was telling nothing but the truth.  
They thought my 'no' meant I didn't have a boyfriend and let it go.  
We ate and talked about our childhood, our finest memories, Lizzy told us about first grade and all Marc had to say about high school was that he had sex with every female with a pulse. Great, what an achievement, I thought.

When my brother had gone upstairs, I sat down at the table in the kitchen. My mother was doing the dishes but I invited her to sit with me. It was now or never. I had to tell her.  
"Mom, I kind of have a boyfriend." I just blurted out.  
"Kind of?" She seemed confused. Not really surprised. But confused.  
"Uhm, yeah, it's a little... Complicated." It wasn't complicated at all. Not when I was with him, only when we were apart.  
"Complicated? Does he hit you or something?" She asked shocked.  
"What? _No_!" I insisted. Did she really think I'd fall for someone like that? But then again, how should she know, my list of previous boyfriends was short. Very short.  
"Then why didn't you tell me?" Because I wanted to stay in our little bubble. She was definitely disappointed. I couldn't blame her. We shared everything and I just happen to leave out something like a relationship?!  
"I don't know. He lives so far away and I wanted to wait and see what develops out of it before I tell anyone and it just never came up." I confessed, she shook her head.  
"And what _has_ developed out of it?"  
Butterflies. Love. Passion.  
"He's great, mom" I assured her.  
"You know that I don't care about his muscles or his money! I want to know if he takes good care of my girl."  
"He does." I comforted her, missing him a little more with every word.  
"How did you two meet?" She wanted to know.  
"We were on a case in New Orleans and he was the lead detective"  
"A cop" She muttered.  
"Yes" I confirmed.  
"And when am I going to meet that magical prince who makes you smile like that?" So she had already guessed it before.  
"Someday" I said, getting up from the table.  
"Whenever you're ready, honey" I kissed her cheek and walked up the stairs. My mom was awesome. She knew I was a woman of few words and she knew I told her everything she needed to know. She knew I knew that she was there if I wanted to talk.

_'Crazy day, told my mom about us. Love you.' _I texted Will, putting on my pajamas.  
'Are you ok? I'm glad. Love you more' He texted back before my eyes fell close after such an exhausting day.  
Since my father had died when I was little, it had only been the two of us, sometimes Marc, too. But most of the time it was just my mom and I. We would go shopping together and cook. Now, don't get me wrong, we had our fair share of tantrums and yelled at each other often enough but when it came to the important things we always agreed and knew we could count on each other.  
Family is a crazy thing. How can you have the best and worst memories with them? How can you remember locking yourself in your room and crying because your parents were so embarrassing when you were a teenager but on the other hand remember laughing until your stomach hurt over old photos and funny situations, private jokes that only your family understood?

If _she_ knew, then the only ones missing were my team...


	28. Chapter 28

**IN HEAT**

**Dear readers,**  
**This is my version of ****_In_****_Heat_****. I'm sorry I didn't update in quite some time and I'm sorry to tell you that I won't update any time soon.**  
**I am incredibly unhappy and unsatisfied with my stories and they upset me more than they calm me down, which was the basic idea why I started writing them.**  
**I have started writing many chapters, including JJ telling Will about the pregnancy, telling her mom, a class reunion, them finding a house and moving in together, JJ comes home on her first day of work after having Henry... up to the current episode of the 8th season. But the ideas don't develop the way I'd like them to and my mind goes completely blank whenever I try to write on.**  
**Writing used to be my place to hide from the world but I need to concentrate more on other things, especially school. I will probably continue writing now and then and perhaps even post them some time. It could be next week or next month and once I'm feeling better, they might actually not be this depressed and confusing anymore. I really hope this will be soon. But ****I just need to focus on myself now.**

**__****I've worked on this chapter for about 4 weeks now, watched In Heat like 500 times, copying the dialogues and watching their behavior to make sure my version is slightly realistic. Yes, the conversations are shortened at some points, when I thought they were irrelevant to JJ and Will's relationship. I hope you like it. Leave a review and tell me what you thought. Perhaps they can motivate me more than I can... :)**

_Doubt thou the stars are fire;_  
_Doubt that the sun doth move;_  
_Doubt truth to be a liar;_  
_But never doubt I love._  
_-William Shakespeare, Hamlet_

"Charles Luvet was found floating in a Miami marina last night." I filled the team in on our next case. I didn't know why I chose it, the face seemed familiar, so did the name, yet I couldn't put the pieces together to figure out how I knew him. He was a cop, we'd probably worked together somewhere, I didn't have time to check his history but always sympathized when we had policemen-victims. THey put themselves in such risks everyday to protect their people and then something like this happens to them. It's horrible.

"Wheels up in thirty" Hotch announced and we all got up to get our Go-Bags.

A flash of hot moist air was blown into our faces when we exited the plane in Miami.  
"We're headed directly to the police department where we're meeting up with the detective on this case, detective Lopez" Hotch said, getting into a SUV.

The boys being boys enjoyed the sight of short skirts and tan legs, confusing little Reid.  
A young Latina in a tight, red shirt and white pants greeted us friendly, immediately flirting with Morgan.  
I introduced the other members of the team.  
"Isn't that?-" Emily pointed behind me. I turned around. Will. What on earth was he doing there?  
"Detective Lamontagne just arrived from New Orleans to identify the cop they pulled from the bay last night." The detective, Tina, explained.  
That's why Charlie sounded so familiar! He was Will's partner. Damn. Why hadn't he texted me that he was coming, too? He must have known that we were called in.  
Will smiled at me the way he always smiled at me when he saw me but this time, I blushed and looked around insecurely, hoping nobody had noticed.  
"Detective, it's good to see you" I stuttered, shaking his hand, trying to look professional. Why did we always meet when someone of his 'family' died. I wanted my team to meet him for the second time when he was happy, the way he usually was, and not when his partner had just been killed.  
"How are you?" He asked confused.  
Emily looked at us weirdly and I had my fingers crossed she didn't know anything.  
"Yeah, Charlie Luvet and I worked together for 7 years. We haven't formally ID'd him yet, but we believe it's him." He told us. I felt a sudden pain in my chest. He must be devastated, I know best how close you get to the people you work with every day. I wanted to kiss and embrace him, telling him that everything would be ok. But we were in my world now, the world in which I was a single workaholic who took a week off to see her family. He was the other world, in which I was in a relationship with a man that treated me like a princess, for whom I took a week off, so he could take me to Paris. This was the moment I had feared for over a year now, the moment those two worlds would collide.  
"Sorry for your loss, man" Morgan said, pulling me back from the trance I had been in during Will was talking. His sweet voice like music in my ears.  
"So, you all know each other?" Tina asked confused.  
"Professionally" I quickly added, looking over at Emily, then at Will and back at Tina again.  
"Yeah, the BAU helped me out on a case about a year ago." 13 months and 11 days. I corrected him in my head, relieved he played a long.  
"But just for the sake of clarity, I'm not here to investigate. Charlie was supposed to be married this august, except the guy that floated up last night was him. I guess I have the honor of notifying his fiancée" He swallowed. "So she's going to need some answers, closure, and I'm just here to get that for her." I had met her once, Angela. She was really sweet and like all of our victims, didn't deserve this.  
"Do you know why he was here?" Rossi interrupted the silence of the team.  
"Well, he was meeting up with some college buddies to compete in a regatta. He was a big boat guy."  
"So he wasn't traveling alone?" Hotch wanted to know.  
"Well, he came alone! He was meeting them here" Will told him.  
"We should track these friends down, see if they saw anything" Rossi proposed. "And the other victims? Any potential witnesses?"  
"No, Paul Hayes was here alone on business, Daniel Brown came down to windsurf by himself" Tina answered.  
"So we were all essentially alone" Reid concluded.  
"The UnSub watched them long enough to know that" Emily said, totally in profiling mode again.  
"Yeah, he's probably already scooping out his next victim and I don't have a damn thing to warn people with." Tina swore. "So come on inside, I've got everything all set up" She led the way to her office.  
Morgan greeted Will as we walked behind her, putting his hand on his shoulder.  
It got harder for me to walk straight. The problem wasn't Will's grief or his friend or his fiancée. It was me. I was there and I still couldn't comfort him. Morgan comforted him more than I did, for crying out loud. How many nights have I fallen asleep next to him, crying my eyes out, knowing I was in the right company? He even flew in and took time off to be there for me after Garcia was shot. I hadn't even asked him to. And now it was as easy as breathing, we were standing right next to each other and I couldn't even take his hand. Or wouldn't, anyway.

"Hey, wait up!" Will pulled at my sleeve to stop me as we walked up the stairs to Tina's office and I instinctively checked if everyone was out of hearing distance.  
I looked at him, holding on to my bag tightly. His face was so familiar, I knew every line of it, yet we stood on that staircase like some strangers.  
"What was that?"  
"What was what?" I checked on them again. Nobody was there.  
"Professionally?" We got to know each other during work. That's almost the same. Before I could answer he asked "Hey? You still haven't told them about us?" His voice was calm, not angry, rather disappointed. Why? I wanted to yell. Why was it so important to him? But I understood him, I'd be pissed if he'd never told anyone about me, so why couldn't I do it?  
"It's none of their business."  
"Where do you tell them you go every weekend?" He asked.  
"I don't." That wasn't entirely true, they asked almost every weekend I was gone and I usually told them I was with my family or chilling on the couch, or working.  
"Wait a sec, are you ashamed or something?"  
"What? _No_." I smiled, meaning it. They'd kill for someone like Will. I know Emily would. There was no reason to be ashamed  
"No, it's just in this team, everyone knows everything about everyone. There's no privacy. My personal life is one less thing they can profile." He nodded understandingly. I kept on looking if they were already looking for us. "All right, we should get up there."  
"Yeah, we wouldn't want your team to think something's up, would we?" He turned to go but I grabbed him.  
"Please don't do that, okay?" Don't turn your back on me.  
"You realize that this is going to happen every now and then when our career paths cross, right?" He asked, now _he_ was the one holding on to my shirt.  
No, I wanted to say. This was a weird coincidence, our paths wouldn't cross again. Our _career_ paths wouldn't. Instead, I said "Doesn't make it any less awkward." Not the right choice of words.  
"Wow, I never realized how much 'awkward' _could_ sound like ashamed." He walked ahead. Great, I was further away from comforting him in this rough time than ever.

It had taken me 8 months to tell my mother about him and I had told her about my first boyfriend like 15 minutes after our first kiss. This wasn't just some crush and that's why I didn't think it was necessary to let anyone know. Wasn't it enough that we loved each other? I didn't want to show off with him or answer questions about his abs. I wanted it to be the two of us again, like it was on our vacation.

Tina showed us more pictures of the crime scenes. Morgan and Reid went to the first scene, Emily and Rossi looked at the stuff of the victims and, how else could it be, Hotch assigned me to identify the body with him and Will.

The sheet wasn't really pulled away when Will already confirmed that it was Charlie.  
"You're not family but I can cut through the red tape." The doctor said, covering Charlie's face again. Not family. I wonder how I would feel if someone said that about my team. We _were_ family. Emily and I were definitely closer than she and her mother.  
"Thank you" Will murmured.  
"If you need help making arrangements, liaising with families is part of what I do." I offered him my services, all professional in front of Hotch.  
"I might just take you up on that. Excuse me, I'll be outside." He shook his head and stormed out the door. When I was sure, the medical examiner stayed in the room talking to Hotch, I followed him out, through two double doors until we stood in the sunshine again. "What?" I asked.  
"I'm about to call Charlie's fiancée, Angela, you might remember her, a woman I have known for many years, and tell her that her fiancé died and I don't know why. You think I need some FBI media liaison? I need _you_, JJ." He was angrier than I had ever seen him. I couldn't blame him. This was the usual way people reacted, they went all quiet or started screaming but this time it was different, _Will_ was the one shouting at me and I could see the pain in his eyes as his words bored into my heart.  
"I'm here for you."  
"Yes" he nodded, staring right into my eyes. "As long as no one sees us, right?"  
"Will" I begged but he didn't turn around.  
Hotch's voice came closer until he stood next to me.  
"Where'd he go?" He asked. Away from me because I'm a shitty girlfriend.  
"Uhm, he's calling Ang- the victim's fiancé. He'll take a cab back to the station." I had no idea where he was really going but this seemed realistic.  
"Fine" Hotch pressed a button on the key and opened the car.  
"Tell him to meet us at Charlie Luvet's hotel room."  
How did he know I had his number? Did he know? I'd had it last year, to contact him about our arrival in New Orleans, so it wasn't too deceptive that I still had it.  
I pulled out my phone, typing the words, not looking up at Hotch as he drove through the streets. _'Going to Charlie's room now. Are you coming, too?'_ I made it sound like a question but it was a quiet beg. He didn't reply.

The room was clean, for a man. Will was rather messy. His apartment was always cleaned up when I came but he once told me that he never cleaned up in between my visits. His honesty was just another thing I loved about him.  
He was looking for Charlie's gun and shield, unsuccessfully. When he tried to get past me, he slightly touched my shoulder but I backed away. "Don't."  
"I'm standing in my dead partner's apartment and you think I'm in the mood for grab ass, huh?" He started rummaging through Charlie's suitcase, finding a plastic band. He gave it to me, taking off his gloves and placing them in my hand as well, stalking out the front door. "Hey, I'm sorry" I said, but he couldn't hear me anymore.

"Where's detective Lamontagne?" Hotch asked when we were done examining the room.  
"I don't know" I stuttered when Will came in sight around the corner. I simply pointed in his direction.  
"Detective, we're headed to the club where the regatta takes place. Would you like to join us?"  
Will nodded and got in the back door of the car.

The club owner told us that there was no regatta during that time and they had different bands as well. Will was angry, annoyed, embarrassed that he had believed it all those years.  
Morgan called to tell us the band belonged to a gay bar and Will was even more upset.  
We left shortly after that, going back to the station, still not speaking a word, not even looking at each other. At least Hotch wasn't like Emily and didn't mind driving in silence.

Emily had her back turned to Will, who was signing some paperwork in the corner. I handed her a bottle of water. It was hot but humid, still, I was completely dry inside.  
"At least we have something fun to look at. Keeps us on our toes." She said.  
"What do you mean?" I honestly had no idea, but when she said his name I flinched a bit, taking a quick look at Will.  
"You think so?" I asked her.  
"Don't _you_?" She laughed. I did. But I was biased. My opinion didn't matter.  
"Yeah, I guess he has a thing" I admitted, turning around to look at him, quickly turning back when he met my gaze.  
"Definitely a thing" Emily took another zip of the water.

After delivering the profile, Hotch left and Emily followed him, Reid and Morgan were nowhere in sight. I had stood across the room from Will, we had both deliberately stared at the floor, not really paying attention to what they were saying. But I'd peeked up at him from time to time, afraid I might meet his gaze but needing to check how he reacted to what we said about the man that killed Charlie.  
When I was sure nobody I knew could hear us, I ran after Will who was about to exit the room.  
"I'm sorry about Charlie" I said, nervously chewing on my lip. There was a distance between us. Not only physically but mentally as well.  
He didn't answer, just looked at me.  
"JJ" I hate it when people start a sentence with my name. I always immediately know that it isn't going to be a nice talk. "Are you seriously going to keep this a secret? I wouldn't even be surprised if they already knew with the thousands of hints they've given you. I'm not deaf."  
"I'm waiting for the right moment" I tried to talk myself out of this.  
"There _is_ no right moment!" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me lightly.  
Footsteps signalized me that the team was back.  
"I gotta go" I turned to leave but he took my hand, squeezed it. I had no choice but to stay.  
"I love you" He said honestly, so quietly, it was almost a whisper and no one could have possibly heard it, but for some reason I couldn't say it. The words I had said to him so many times. I looked for them but they were erased from my vocabulary.  
"Tell Angela that I'm sorry" I moved away from his touch to catch up with the rest of the team.

"You wanna grab something to eat?" Emily asked on the go that evening.  
"No, thanks, I'm just really tired. You guys go without me." I waved her goodnight and was about leave when I spotted Will on the porch.  
"All you need to know is that he loved you very much" I heard, knowing he was comforting Angela.  
I was playing with my earlobe, something I always did when I was nervous.  
"Hey" I called out when he hung up.  
"Man, it sure is warm in the bayou, but at least it cools down some at night." He said. Small talk, really? There was something between us that I'd never experienced before. Awkwardness. We'd had a certain connection from the very beginning and it was still there when I had seen him two weeks ago, how did it leave us so quickly? Where had it gone?  
I didn't answer, just looked around me, waiting for him to say something.  
"What, are you leaving?" He asked, pointing at my coat. The absolutely useless coat, even at night.  
"Yeah, I'm beat" I thought of the comfy bed that was waiting for me at the hotel and thought about how much more comfortable it would be with Will in it.  
"Without saying goodbye?"  
"I didn't know where you were" That was a lie, I'd known where he was all day, always keeping an eye on him.  
"Did you look?" Here we were, at the highest point of awkwardness we could have reached.  
Again, I kept my lips shut and just stared at his shirt.  
"Should I be worried?" No, I wanted to say but my mouth wouldn't form the words.  
"I mean, it doesn't take a profiler to see that you got one foot out the door in this relationship." With Will stressing the word relationship, I suddenly felt like everybody was staring at us, although I knew they had already left.  
"Could you just keep your voice down?" I begged.  
"_I_ don't care if they hear us. Hey, yo-" He nodded towards some random guy in the office. "I'm crazy about her" he nodded in my direction. "You know, I don't have a problem with people knowing about it." Obviously.  
"Well, I do" I said in a bitchy tone. Was he trying to provoke me?  
"Why?"  
"Just _because_..." Everybody's favorite answer, because. It wasn't a yes or a no and definitely no argument. It was just a because. The emptiest word of all.  
"It's _my_ business" I put extra stress on the 'my' until I realized it was kind of his as well. He nervously wiped his chin, something I'd noticed him doing before when he was stressed.  
"Are you ashamed of this?"  
"No." I said calmly.  
"Did I offend you?"  
"No." Not a single time.  
"Did I say something wrong?"  
"No." Never  
"Are you seeing another guy?"  
"No." His words were like knives in my chest. How could he think I would ever cheat on him? Ever? Besides, I barely had time for this relationship, let alone another secret boyfriend.  
"Do you _want_ to see another guy?"  
"No." As if I could ever find a better guy.  
"What? You want to break up?"  
No. But what I stuttered was a silent yes.  
"You do?" He asked again and I repeated the words clearly.  
"Yeah."  
"Ok" He mouth twitched.  
"We're supposed to hop on a plane every weekend forever? And neither one of us is willing to relocate so-" I was agitated. For no reason. I had no right to be agitated.  
"When did we have _that_ discussion?" Was he just considering it?  
"Well, _do_ you?" I almost screamed.  
"Maybe" That already made him more open than me.  
"You would give up your career in New Orleans so you can live in Quantico, Virginia?" It didn't cross my mind for a second that I could move. Because I couldn't.  
"Well, I'd at least like to have that option! You know, look JJ, all I'm looking for here is an acknowledgement to _your_ friends that you care about me."  
"Why? Why is that so important to you?" I barked.  
"Why?" He repeated. "Have a good night, JJ"  
I watched him turn around, walk away, further and further with each step. My heart beat heavily in my chest, appearing totally calm on the outside, I was screaming at the top of my lungs on the inside. I was screaming for him to come back but he didn't. After all, I had been the one who just broke up with him. Sort of.  
"Will" I called after him but he didn't look back.  
Where were we now?  
I wondered whether it was for the best if we split up. He would find another woman, one that appreciated what he did for her and one that didn't hide him. Every woman was lucky to have a guy like him. I could find a way to legally marry my job and it would all be like it was. Like it never happened. Only it did. Was I really ready to let go of this? Was I strong enough to go on with my life on my own? I had managed before, sure, but Will had changed everything. I had gotten so used to calling him when I was sad or happy or lonely or just thought of him because I missed him. What would I do with all my free time?  
The thunder rumbled in the background, tiny raindrops fell from the sky. I watched passengers walk by for a minute and decided to go inside again to check if Hotch was still there. Which he was, of course.  
"What if the unsub sees a freedom in his victims that he wishes he had himself?" I just blurted out. Hotch didn't answer, he looked at me and knew something was up. I regretted saying it the second I did, Hotch already knew that and I had just turned it into a personal drama.  
Embarrassed for letting him see me so vulnerable, I just nodded and left, making my way to the hotel. All alone. The rain got drops falling on my head until you couldn't differ them from my tears anymore.

The last thing I wanted after an evening like that was to get up and pretend that nothing happened. But I had to. And I did.  
A boy had seen the UnSub and I took in his information but he couldn't tell me much. I was so angry at him. Couldn't he pay more attention?  
Almost bored and desperate for work, I begged Hotch to give me something to do but he took Emily and Rossi and Morgan, leaving me alone with the detective. And Will...  
I managed to more or less hide from him, at least I could avoid all sorts of conversations by calling Garcia whenever he entered the office or just by pretending to be on the phone. How pathetic. I didn't even recognize myself anymore. When I passed by a mirror, the face that was supposed to be my reflection, was a stranger's.  
Who had I become? Hiding because of some guy. Not any guy, it was Will, but after all, just a guy. Perhaps he was the one and only, but I supposed I'd never find out and just had to get over it like I always used to when things got serious with men and then broke apart again.  
I choked, ran and hid until the coast was clear and I could sneak out in the fog so I'd never have to face him again. Not literally spoken, of course.

When Morgan came back, he took detective Lopez and left me again.  
Garcia was happy to babble in italian and tell me all about her super awesome boyfriend. If she knew.

It was only an hour later that they all came back, relaxed, announcing that they had caught him and we could go back home.

"Detective Lopez signed this into your custody." I handed Will Charlie's gun and shield, making sure not to touch him.  
"Thank you" Not looking up, he said "I still can't believe it."  
"That Charlie was gay?" I asked. He had seemed so happy when I'd met him a couple of months back. Will and I had only been dating for like 3 months, it was before Paris, and I had wished to become as familiar with him as Charlie and Angela seemed. We did. And I blew it.  
"No, that he thought he couldn't tell me. That he thought he had to hide it. I mean, I can't think of anything I'd have cared less about than him being gay, you know?" I knew. He was tolerant and accepted people for what they were, including me. I wanted to embrace him, tell him everything was going to be alright but he caught his voice again and spoke first.  
"Well, he was my friend and I loved him. And all I would have ever wanted was for him to be happy, you know?" Again, I knew. Was he telling me that the same applied fore me, too? Or did I interpret too much?  
The silence grew, until he took a breath and grabbed the bag behind him. I couldn't speak.  
"Take care of yourself, JJ" And then he left.  
I forced myself to keep the tears away. There he went. Away from me.  
"You should go for him." Emily suddenly said over my shoulder. Where had she come from?  
I felt sick, my hand on my stomach. I watched him go, the one thing I once had been sure I could never stand loosing just left and I did nothing to stop him.  
"What?"  
"You'd make a cute couple" We _wouldn't_. We _did_. Emily followed my gaze in Will's direction.  
"You know what?" I gave in. I had been an idiot and it was time to face my fears. To stop running away.  
I ran towards Will, who turned around when he heard me calling out his name.  
"It's not that I didn't want them to know, ok? Look, I don't care about that. It's not about the relocating, it's not about traveling on the weekends or some guy. I didn't want to tell anyone because the minute I do, it becomes... It becomes real and when it becomes real people get hurt. And I've always run from getting hurt. Always... And I don't want to run away any more. Not from you and..."  
He waited patiently until I had confessed everything, until he couldn't take it any more.  
"JJ. Just shut up!" I looked up at him as he got closer, shutting my mouth with his lips, reminding me why breaking up with him was the biggest mistake I could have ever made. There it was again; the magic, the electricity, the fireworks. Aware of my team's eyes on my back. But I didn't pull away when I heard their footsteps. Not this time.

We silently sat on a bench outside of the department, my head resting on his shoulder, when Hotch peeked around the corner.  
"Here you are. We're leaving at 5 tomorrow morning, they won't let us fly this late so we have to wait until dawn." He informed me.  
"Ok, see ya then." I waved goodbye. This didn't make a lot of sense, I get it that people don't want the noise in the middle of the night but why did we have to fly at 5am? Wouldn't it be easier to sleep until like 7, leave at 8 and then go home. We had the rest of the day off anyway so why did we have to spend the time off in boring DC, rather than exciting Miami? I'm sure all of us went home to their beds anyway. Ok, fine, it happened so rarely and I could understand that people might want to get home to their families. Which neither of us really had, not in DC, anyway.  
But for once in my life, I was glad we didn't leave immediately.  
"Did you hear that, we have until 4, which means like 4 hours" I checked my watch.  
"We better make the best out of that" Will kissed me and took my hand as we got up to walk to the hotel.

"We gotta get up in 3 hours and 45 minutes" I threw my jacket and bag on the floor.  
"I don't think I wanna sleep" Will's hands touched my hips from behind.  
"Well, that makes two of us!"  
And so we made up for everything. For doubting each other, for running away, for making a fault. But also celebrated, that we fixed the fault and I finally got over my fear of getting hurt. Because Will would't hurt me. And I knew that then.  
The stubbles of his beard were rough on my chin, the smell of his shampoo was like a flower meadow, only to me, to other people it smelled more manly, of course and his touch signalized me, that I was home. I was at home in this cheap hotel in Miami that the bureau paid for, I was at home in his beautiful little house in New Orleans, I was at home in his arms.

"How could you believe, even for a second, that there could ever be another guy?" I pulled up, lay my hands on his chest and rested my chin on top of them, looking in his eyes, watching his eyelashes move with every blink.  
"Why wouldn't there be? Look at you" his thumb wiped a tear from my face. "I'm not the only one noticing your beauty. And do you know how many applications the BAU gets every year? -I have no idea, but I'm sure many- they didn't choose you for no reason. You're the best! At everything you do." What a suck up he was. Yet, I couldn't deny how nice his words sounded.  
"Well, then _you_ don't realize how perfect you are! There's no man in who's embrace I would rather like to fall asleep, no voice I would rather like to hear saying those three magical words and no lips I would rather like to wake me up on a rainy work day than yours."  
"I love you"  
"I love _you_" I hadn't lost the words. I had just forgotten them in a moment of weakness. But they were still there, stored for the only man who deserved them...


	29. Chapter 29

**CHAPTER 29**

**Here you go, as always, I don't like the way it turned out but since we haven't seen Will on the show waaay too long, I decided to continue my story. Sadly, he is only mentioned in this chapter and no active part of it. Hope you like it.**

_"If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they tried to blend in before and people continue to disappoint them."  
-Jodi Picoult_

When I arrived on the last step of the jet, I peeked through the door, the team spotted me and started applauding. I blushed immediately. How embarrassing. But I knew this would happen, they were just a bunch of kids and were incapable of mature reactions concerning something like a relationship.

Reid looked a little like he didn't really know why they were cheering but Morgan got up to hug me.

"One year and not once did you have the decency to tell us?" He laughed, pretending to be disappointed.

"Because I knew that this would happen" I pointed at their smiling faces, only Hotch was missing.

"Only because we're happy for you, sweetie." He pinched my cheek.

"Well, you know now." I told him and he grinned a grin that said he knew all along. Apparently, I was a terrible actress.

They were so crazy. But they were my family and I almost felt bad for keeping a secret like that.

I rolled my eyes at all of them and chuckled a little, it was just too funny after all and I was in a mood to smile so I sat down opposite to Emily, knowing there was no way to avoid the talk.

To my surprise, she didn't say anything. She was completely mute. Hotch came, winked at me and sat down at the other end of the jet. I turned away. He had less humor and it was just weird but his expression rather told me that he didn't really care. I couldn't blame him, after Haley left, the only thing he bothered with was work and his son.

I was glad, though. I wanted this awkward plane ride to be over so our lives could go back to normal.

Why did everyone make such a big deal out of this? Couldn't they just completely ignore it?

When we had been up in the air for over 15 minutes, I couldn't take the silence anymore.

"How did you know?" I asked Emily, quietly, so nobody else could hear, which is really hard on such a small space.

"JJ," she laughed as if she'd been waiting for it all along. "You couldn't deny that there was something between you two when you first met and what a coincidence that you would visit your family every time I asked where you were going? Besides, no sane person looks _this_ happy when she comes home from her family, let alone tan. And when you looked at him when he got out of the car the other day, it was simply obvious. You got that look in your eyes, it's like you start to glow when he's around you. I'm a profiler, I noticed his hand holding on to yours a tiny bit longer than a usual handshake, like he didn't want to let go. I saw him looking over to you every five seconds when your back was towards him. I noticed how you practically begged Hotch to assign you to the team that wouldn't work with Will. Plus, everyone heard the conversation you two had on the staircase after we arrived. Didn't think you'd need so many hints, though. Hey, did you _really_ break up with him for the night?"

I blushed again. She was a good observer.

"Now tell me _everything_" She insisted.

"It's... nice" It sounded like a question.

"Uh-Uh! I've been dying to hear _every_ detail for over a year now. So tell me."

I knew if I started to talk about him, I wouldn't be able to stop but I tried my best to keep it short, knowing I'd have to give this speech again, the minute I walked into the BAU, Penelope would probably boil some tea and wait for me in my office.

"He's just... Perfect, you know?" She laughed at my choice of words.

"He holds doors for me, tells me I'm the most beautiful person in the world and cooks fancy meals. When I'm around him, I feel like a completely different person and I can just check out of the world for a weekend until those horrifying pictures come back to haunt me. He took me to Paris and a private beach in Italy." I thought about something else that made him the best man ever. "Hell, he even recites Shakespeare." I couldn't believe it myself.

"_And_ carries a gun. Nothing's sexier than a gun." She added. That was true. I don't know why but something about men and guns is just incredibly attractive.

"Yes and _that_" I agreed.

"And by he recites Shakespeare, you mean he's good in bed?" She asked, letting out a laugh.

"Oh no, he recites Shakespeare _and_ is good in bed." It wasn't the first time Emily and I talked about something like that, I knew about all her guys she meets at bars and dates for a couple of weeks but until now, she'd done all the talking. It felt natural, I was slightly ashamed, being my prim self, but it was time to grow up. I looked around in the plane. Reid was asleep, Morgan listened to his music and Hotch and Rossi were discussing something at the other end of the hallway.

Emily shook her head.

"Wait, and the time you took a week off to 'see your family', he took you to Paris?"

"Mhm" I confirmed.

"How on _earth_ did you get this lucky?" Emily said disbelieving.

"I have _no_ idea."

"And what now? Are you moving in together?"

"I don't know. I guess not. Not anytime soon, anyway."

"But you are going to?"

"Emily, since when are you so curious? I don't know. We haven't really talked about it."

"Well, all this time I could only wonder and those questions were waiting to be asked. Now, why didn't you tell us? I thought you were the kind of girl to brag about it right after it happens. I've worked with you for over 2 years, yet I feel like I don't even know you." She exaggerated, pushing out her lower lip like a little girl that was sad because her mother denied her candy.

"I'm sure you had a fun time laughing about it with Morgan!"

"I guess you could say that" She admitted and I was sure I didn't want to know any details.

"So, why didn't you?"

"I don't know. When I'm with him, it's like our own little bubble and by telling you, I was afraid it might pop."

"We're not trying to get in your way!"

"I know but since I only see him on the weekends and only ever second or third, it's not hard to separate my job and my private life, so I took the shot."

"You didn't even tell _me_."

"I didn't even tell my mom until a few months ago!"

"That doesn't make any sense! You seem so happy, why would you hide him?"

Aah, why couldn't she just let it go?

"Because I don't believe in love, ok?" I almost screamed. Her look signalised me that she was confused.

"I believe in falling in love and being crazily in love but I don't believe in eternal love. The mind just tricks you and it's doing one hell of a job in making you believe that you couldn't be happier. But let's be realistic. 2 out of 3 marriages end in a divorce and I bet the remaining ones aren't happy either. Once this phase of endorphins and hormones is over, things will go back to normal and our lives will drift apart again." I admitted, pouring my heart out in front of her as if I'd been wanting to tell her about my fears and worries all this time. She didn't really answer. She leaned back in her seat, looked out of the window and said "You better start believing."

I didn't comment, silently disagreeing with her the way I always had. Little did I know. I would learn to believe in true love. My God, I would.

**I figured JJ is rather fragile and slightly pessimistic so this is kind of how she protects herself from becoming too dependent on someone or getting her hopes up and being let down... Leave a review if you liked it :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**Happy 30th anniversary. Thanks for all your reviews, I really appreciate them. The Jodi Picoult quote was from 'My sister's keeper', by the way. (Stunning novel, leaves me speechless every time I read it.) From now on I guess my stories will become a lot happier :D**

**leave a review if you liked it 3**

**_"He looked at her like he was a blind man, seeing the sun for the very first time."_**

"Are you coming on Friday?" Will asked. It was wednesday and only a few hours after we'd said goodbye in Miami. I had just arrived at home and lay on the couch, exhausted from the flight and strains of the previous days.  
"Yeah, I don't think we'll have a case." I was too lazy to get up and search for a flight on my laptop but there'll still be free seats an hour later, I supposed.

The words I had said to Emily were still beating in my ear. How would my facing my fears affect our relationship?  
"Look, I'm really tired! Can I call you tomorrow?" I asked. I wanted to be alone. I had to think. Something I hadn't done in over a year. I had just traveled each day to the next, which was really unusual for me, I liked to have everything planned and enjoyed knowing what would happen next.

I didn't think, of course. I went to sleep and threw myself into work for the next two days, avoiding any thoughts that centered about Will. I had told him that I didn't want to run away anymore, yet that's exactly what I did.

When I sat on the plane on Friday evening, I knew I had nowhere else to go, I didn't have the option to run anymore, which made me even more anxious.

Will waited at the airport, a single red rose in his hand.  
As soon as I was with him, my troubles and doubts faded like magic. I was with him and there was no other place I would have rather liked to be.  
"What's with the rose?" He gave it to me and kissed me. Had I forgotten anything? No, our anniversary had been two months earlier, we'd had dinner at his house.  
"Nothing. I just wanted to show you that I missed you." He took my bag in one hand and mine in the other.

Once we arrived in his cozy little house that I loved more than my own apartment, we sat down on his couch.  
"Do you play?" I really  
noticed the piano for the first time. It was black, took a great space of the living room and proved how little time we'd spent in there since we'd met.  
"I do!" It had been rather a rhetorical question.  
"What? Since when?" I asked surprised.  
Instead of answering, he sat down on the big chair in front of it and opened the cover, presenting a full set of black and white keys. He started playing something I hadn't heard before, yet it seemed familiar in an instant.  
I watched his fingers brush gracefully over the keys.  
"And you just forgot to mention this in 14 months?" I asked when he stopped.  
"You never asked."  
"Oh, I'm sorry." I looked around the room, a framed picture by Monet caught my eye. "Did you also paint this? Or did you write these books?" I pointed to the shelves. "And before I forget it, did you make that carpet?" I had to laugh.  
He chuckled. "No! No more secrets. I promise." He took my chin between his index finger and his thumb and pulled my face closer so he could kiss me.

"So, I got a call the other day."  
"Ok"  
"From Emily!"  
"What? How did she get your number?" Was my first response.  
"I don't know. From Garcia, I guess. But that's not the point." Oh god. What did she say to him? I was anxious, couldn't meet his gaze. Ugh, I hated serious talks and I knew that this would become one.  
"She told me that you 'don't believe in love' and she's worried you might make a mistake" He mimed quotation marks with his fingers.  
"Will-" I wanted to protest and find an excuse as always. A mistake?  
"Don't you Will me. Tell me what's going on! First you break up with me in Miami and now this?"  
"I'm going to kill Emily."  
"She has nothing to do with this! What's _wrong?_"  
His eyes seemed darker than usual and his painful gaze hurt me but I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. First I'd had to admit it to myself. Admitting weakness has never been my strength.  
I looked down at my hands. He took my face between both of his, forcing me to look at him and asked again.  
"JJ, be honest with me and tell me how you feel and what I can do to make you happy."  
"I'm scared, ok?" He obviously didn't understand. I hesitated. once i told him the truth, there was no turning back. "Ineed you and that scares me! If I need someone it means I become dependent on someone and being dependent means showing weakness and I can't allow myself to be vulnerable."  
"That's it?" He seemed relieved. "You're basically saying that it scares you how much you love me?" He almost laughed.  
"Well, kind of." I still couldn't look up.  
"JJ, needing someone doesn't mean showing weakness! I think you're more vulnerable when you're crying your eyes out when someone of your team is shot than when you love someone!" Was he saying I was weak on a daily basis? "Loving someone doesn't make you vulnerable but strong!"  
"As long as it lasts." I told him my last and probably biggest fear.  
"Really? You're afraid I'm going to leave you?"  
"I told that to Emily, thinking I could trust her!"  
"Again, that's not the point. JJ, I thought after Miami we were past this. I'm here and I'm staying and I'm not going to hurt you." He said the words as if they were the most ordinary ones in the world when they were really the most devious ones. Men aren't created to stay true. My RE teacher had said that when I was in 9th grade and it still bothered me. He was married. What had he been trying to tell me?  
"Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow. But someday you will be tired of me!"  
"No I won't!" Ha ha.  
"That's what you think _now_! My boyfriend in high school and I dated for almost 2 years and I didn't have a lot of time for him in between soccer practices and school assignments so he thought it was ok to fuck every damn cheerleader that crossed his path and another guy in college broke up with me 'cause I was too tidy and that annoyed him." We had been lucky to avoid the ex-talk for over a year but I had still been hoping we could postpone it further. Too late now.  
"I'm here." Was all he said.  
"For now." He shook his head.  
"Forever." I wanted to believe him. So badly. But I couldn't. A voice inside me told me not to. It told me to close myself again. To not let him in. After all, I didn't really know him. I didn't know anything about his family or childhood an he didn't know a lot about mine. Like the piano incident showed me, I didn't even really know anything about his hobbies. For 14 months we just kept on visiting each other every second or third weekend and I loved him. I really did. But honestly, how well did I know him? I had loved all my previous boyfriends, yet they never missed a chance to hurt me and yes, none of them ever treated me like Will did, but was that a free ticket? Did it mean he wouldn't hurt me eventually?  
"I thought you didn't want to run away anymore." He reminded me. Ah, the worst weapon of all; ones own words.  
"I don't"  
"Then why do you do it?"  
"I don't know."  
"I have a deal for you!"  
"A deal?"  
"I will tell you every day of forever that I love you and you will never ever doubt my love for you again? You'd will always have someone to go to when you're not feeling well. I will always be there for you until you don't want me anymore". Ha. As if I would ever not want him anymore.  
I don't know what happened then but something snapped inside of me. I believed him. Against my experience and what I thought was my better judgement, I trusted him. I told the voice to go hell and did what I thought was impossible just a few hours prior: I let myself fall and waited for him to catch me. I gave in. I became his.  
"Can you look me in the eyes?"  
I looked up at him, his deep blue eyes, and nodded.  
"Promise?"  
"Promise!" I said with a weak voice. It was almost a whisper.  
"Good." He seemed satisfied with himself. "Now kiss me and never think of those ridiculous thoughts again! I'm here." He said again.

"Forever" I said and did as I was told. I kissed him passionately and banished all doubts.

Happiness is a strange thing. You find it in the weirdest places and never when you expect it to. A rainy work day can turn into the day you meet the love of your life. A moment of truth can turn into the moment you faced and surmounted your fears. It can turn into the day that you would for ever remember as the day you let go of your old self and become someone new, someone you had always wanted to be.


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

**I'm sorry that this chapter is so boring, the next on will be better! (I hope :D)**

_"Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen." -Leonardo da Vinci_

"Good morning beautiful" Will sang and walked his fingers up my spine. I grabbed the pillow and pushed it on my head. I'm not a morning person.

"Who wants pancakes?" That caught my attention. Nothing makes a morning better than pancakes.  
"I do" I grumbled.  
"I thought so." He carefully removed the pillow and hair from my face and lay his head down next to mine. I opened my eyes against my will to find him staring at me, smiling like a psychopath. I chuckled. He was just too cute.  
"I love you."  
"You didn't forget." I pointed out.  
"Haha it's day 1! It's really sad if I had already forgotten it." He gave me a look that said 'isn't there anything you would like to tell me?' I laughed.  
"I love you, too." I gave in and leaned forward to kiss him, still lying on my side. "But you know what else I love?"  
"Pancakes"  
"Exactly."  
He giggled and got up in one smooth movement, pulling me up in another.  
I threw one of his sweatshirts on and followed him downstairs to the kitchen where he immediately started looking for the ingredients.  
"We're out of milk!"  
"What? No?" I wailed.  
"Sorry, Cher, no pancakes for you this morning." He apologised.  
"But you promised." I pushed my lower lip forward, attempting to look cute.  
"I don't think that qualified as a promise."  
"It definitely did."  
"Do you really expect me to walk 3 miles to the next supermarket to get you milk?"  
I shrugged my shoulders.  
"Yes."  
He rolled his eyes.  
"Come on, Cher, I got- no, wait, cereals don't work without milk either... I got toast."  
I considered going to the store myself for a moment but decided that it wasn't worth it?  
"French toast?" I asked.  
"French toast." He agreed.  
I was a little relieved, cause it meant he didn't have to put on a short, yet I had been looking forward to pancakes even though my stomach didn't really care as long as he got something to eat.  
"What do you wanna do today?" He asked over breakfast.  
"What do you wanna do today?" I countered.  
"Climb on top of a roof and scream to the world that I finally convinced you that I'm staying, after only 15 short months of believing that you already knew."  
Now I rolled my eyes.  
"You'll live" I patted his shoulder.  
"I'll do now." He leaned over to kiss me. It tasted of maple syrup.  
"And what are we really going to do?"  
"Well, we could get dressed, get me some milk for your pancakes tomorrow and then go downtown?."  
"I read about a museum of Art on the plane, do you wanna go there?" I remembered a short article on a boring airline newspaper.  
"A museum? Really?" He sighed.  
"What's wrong with museums?"  
"Nothing I'm just not the arty-type of guy!"  
"And here I was, thinking you were perfect." I shook my head.  
"Well, then I have to disappoint you, Cher."  
"It's ok! I'll just find another guy." I sighed and got up dramatically but he stood up, too and quickly pulled me back by my hand.  
"Don't even think about it!"  
I laughed and threw my arms around his neck.  
"So, we're going?" I asked hopefully.  
"So it would seem." He kissed me passionately.  
I checked the clock. It was eleven thirty.  
"Alright." I stuffed the last bit of toast in my mouth and stood up to put the plate in the dishwasher. "Let's get going."  
Thankfully I never needed long to decide what to wear when I was in New Orleans; I had two outfits for two days.  
I went for the shorts and a sleeveless blouse since it was really hot outside. Louisiana summers didn't compare to Pennsylvania or Washington ones. The sun was always shining and the air was moist. It felt like a vacation every time I came there.  
After buying some milk and tons of candy (Will didn't comment so I just kept on throwing chocolate in the basket) and dropping it off at home, we headed in the opposite direction.  
We had lunch at a small new restaurant the French quarter from where we took a cab to the museum.  
"So why don't you like art?" I asked.  
"Art is a very big word! I do like art. It's just that they have a lot of modern stuff in that museum and I guess I'm rather a fan of old paintings."  
"So you are an arty-type-of-guy after all?"  
"I said rather! That means I'll choose it over modern art but not over staying away from the museum at all." He winked at me but later didn't complain at all when we were inside, looking at, I do have to admit, quite boring paintings of Jesus but also some really interesting sculptures.

We had dinner at the same restaurant where we'd had our first date

and I was surprised when I realised that nothing had changed.  
I still looked at him the way I did all those months earlier and he still looked at me like he did when he first saw me at the crime scene, when he had 'pictured me differently.' When he smiled a smile that was so heart warming, I could impossibly resist his charm. Nobody could.  
"Happy 15 months and 2 days anniversary." I raised my glass. I don't know why but remembering our first kiss was like remembering Christmas and counting the days was like counting my age when I was little. Whenever someone said I was 7 I immediately corrected them. '7 and 4 months and 16 days' I'd say.  
"Happy 15 months and 2 days anniversary." He agreed and chinked glasses with me.  
"Do you wanna hear some of my art?" Will asked when we were sitting in bed that evening. I was just checking some texts from work that I had gotten over the day when he stood up to look for a book on his shelves.  
"Aah, Robert Burns" He seemed to have found what he was looking for and came back to the bed.  
He flipped open what appeared a random page, grabbed his glasses from the nightstand and cleared his throat.  
_"A Red, Red Rose by Robert Burns_

_O my Luve's like a red, red rose_  
_That's newly sprung in June;_  
_O my Luve's like the melodie_  
_That's sweetly played in tune._

_As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,_  
_So deep in luve am I;_  
_And I will luve thee still, my dear,_  
_Till a' the seas gang dry:_

_Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,_  
_And the rocks melt wi' the sun;_  
_I will luve thee still, my dear,_  
_While the sands o' life shall run._

_And fare thee weel, my only Luve,_  
_And fare thee weel awhile!_  
_And I will come again, my Luve,_  
_Tho' it ware ten thousand mile."_

Wow, after all those years of believing that men who read poetry are corny and gay, he proofed me wrong. In only 15 months, just like that, he had changed everything I ever believed in. My only love...  
I threw my phone on the other nightstand, to hell with the government, they could wait another day. I, on the other hand, couldn't.

**Hope you liked it, leave a review if you did :)**


	32. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER 32**

**_WILL'S COMING BACK!_ I am so freaking excited. I literally signed my history test today with "Josh Stewart's coming back, ain't nothing gonna bring me down today" (My teacher doesn't understand any English Haha.) I screwed it up. Who cares about Napoleon? Couldn't be in a better mood, though :D Twitter went crazy last night when Josh confirmed his comeback! WILLIFER 3.  
And yes, I finally changed the name of my story, I had hated it since the beginning :D**

_"What's meant to be will always find a way."  
-Trisha Yearwood _(I might say that I always add the quotes after writing the chapters and sometimes I just find the perfect one but it is never really based on it..)

"I gotta be on call this weekend so _you_ gotta come over." I told Will.  
"Is there a chance I'm gonna see your face?" He teased.  
"Well, Friday afternoon's off, so, yes." I teased back.  
"Alright then, I'm booking my flight." I heard the sound of his laptop being snapped open. "9:30 at gate A?" It was almost always the same flight that flew back and forth on the weekends, Friday night till Sunday after lunch.  
"I'll be there."  
"Good."

"Are you up for some drinks?" Emily asked Friday after work.  
"I can't, I have to pick up Will at the airport later and need to finish these case files before that." I excused myself, picking up a pile of caramel colored folders.  
"You _do_ realize that you will have to introduce us sooner or later."  
"Definitely later." I nodded.  
"Come on, how bad can it be?"  
"Terrible! You're going to interrogate him and he will feel forced to answer and tell you things that not even I know and everything's gonna be really awkward."  
"Haha, you really thought about _that_ one. When are you picking him up?"  
"9:30"  
"Great, we'll meet you at the bar at, let's say, 10?"  
"Us?"  
"Do you really think you could invite me and exclude Garcia?"  
"I didn't invite anybody."  
Emily laughed.  
"See ya then" She left before I could stop her.  
"Is that really necessary?" I yelled after her.  
"Don't worry, you'll have him for yourself _aaall_ night." She was too far away to clash now, without everyone else hearing it. I sighed.  
'We have a date with Emily and Penelope tonight.' I texted Will and put my signature under another file.  
'Sounds great' He replied.  
I knew that secretly he had been waiting for me to set up something like this. I think deep inside he still feared that I might be ashamed of him in front of my friends after all.

9:35 sharp he came out in the waiting hall, a tulip in his hand.  
"Sorry, Cher, they don't allow roses on plains."  
I got on my tiptoes to kiss him.  
"Tulips are actually my favorite flowers."  
"What? And you're telling me now?"  
"I liked your roses, too." I took the flower from him.  
"Well, from now on you're tulips."  
"You can't buy them all year."  
"I can do _everything_."  
I looked up at him, raising my eyebrows.  
"For you." He added and leaned down to kiss me.

"Ok, so, try not to tell them anything that I don't already know and don't you _dare_ saying anything about our sex life, I'm too uptight and they already know more than enough. Don't kiss me in front of them and don't take my hand, they're profilers, it's going to look like you're trying to control me. Oh, and don't mention any ex-girlfriends or dead pets." I instructed him on our way to meet my girls.  
He cracked up.  
"Whatever you say, boss." He obeyed.  
"Good." I drove in the parking spot and stopped the engine. "They're gonna love you." I reassured him. I kissed him one last time and patted his cheek in a motivating way before we made our way to beard the lion in his den.

"Here they are" Emily sang, raising her glass, Penelope was sitting next to her. Two untouched margaritas stood in front of two empty chairs.  
"Hey, ladies." Will welcomed them with a hug, he seemed to be much calmer than me.  
We sat down.  
"Hello, Detective" Penelope said in the creepiest voice, eyed him suspiciously from head to toe and took a sip of her drink. It looked like a bad James Bond scene. But unlike Emily, she had never seen him before. "So, you're the mystery man."  
"I guess I am." He shrugged his shoulders.  
"Age?" She said quickly. Oh no, I guessed that Emily thought it would be funnier if they really did _interrogate_ him. No doubt Garcia had begged her to do that part, she loved acting. Emily sat quietly but when I caught her gaze, she winked at me reassuringly.  
"34." Will answered straight.  
"Current residence."  
"New Orleans."  
"Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?"  
He lifted his hand. "I swear."  
"Are you married?"  
He looked over at me as if to say 'what's happenin' here?' "No?"  
"Was that a question?" Garcia demanded in a military tone.  
"No, ma'am."  
"Do you have any children?"  
"No."  
"Did you order the present Ms. Jennifer Jareau to keep your relationship a secret because you were ashamed of her?"  
"No, ma'am." He was very convincing, I wondered if he's ever had to testify at court. On the other hand, we all had all done that at one point or another. Every shot that was fired at someone had to be given reason for and explained, otherwise it didn't count as legal weapon usage and none of us were really keen on being charged with murder.  
"Do you know why _she_ did it, then?" Garcia went on.  
Will moved his head towards me. A flash of heat went through my body, was he going to tell her the truth? About my low self esteem? I couldn't signalise him anything with my expression, they were staring at me, watching every line of my face, waiting for it to twitch.  
"No." He lied. His voice was sincere, though. I took a breath of relief.  
"Do you swear to never ever hurt this precious human being-" She pointed at me. "Or accept the consequences if you do?"  
His eyes widened. "And what might that be?" He asked shyly.  
Penelope pointed her finger towards Emily, I followed the direction and watched Emily move her jacket aside slightly to reveal a gun.  
"I do." He said without hesitation.  
"No further questions." They all relaxed their shoulders.  
"What the _heck_ was that?" I asked, my first words that evening.  
"We're just making sure that he's good enough for you." Emily answered.  
I gave them a look that said, I can take care of it myself but smiled a little, as if to say 'thank you anyway'. They nodded.  
"So, do I have your approval?" Will asked insecure.  
"Yes." All three of us said at the same time.  
"Well, in that case, the next round is on me."  
He ordered, I followed his gaze, he never lowered his eyes from the half naked waitress's. Emily noticed, too and kicked me under the table, giving me a thumbs up when I looked up.

After throwing back the shots and telling us endless amusing stories of things at the office, Will cleared his throat.  
"Ok, ladies. I'm just gonna go outside for an imaginary smoke and save you girls from getting up and going to the bathroom together to discuss every single detail of every single word I said tonight."  
"What gentleman." Emily raised her half full margarita.  
"Don't take too long."  
He was about to turn around and leave when I reached for his hand to pull him back. He didn't struggle. I looked him in the eyes for only a short second and pulled his face close for another, breaking my own rule, aware of the girls watching us like it was a movie. But I didn't care. It turned out that I didn't need any rules, 'cause he was already perfect the way he was.  
"What about the rule?" He whispered in my ear.  
"Guess I don't care." I whispered in his.  
He was out of the room three steps later.  
"Are you kidding me?" Garcia asked almost breathless.  
"What?"  
"I told you." Emily said to her.  
"That is one hell of a guy and, I love Kevin, but I sure would trade him for a guy with a body like that." She licked her lips and looked at the door through which Will had just exited.  
"Sorry, honey, he's not for sale." I apologized.  
"_Now_ I know why you hid him." Emily laughed at Penelope's expression.  
"What about Morgan?" I asked.  
"He's my secret fantasy, that doesn't count."  
"Secret?" Emily coughed.  
"Anyway, he passed the test and I am proud to announce that he is now officially a part of this team." Penelope said excitedly.  
"Thank you." I said, as if I cared what other people thought, even though their opinion _did_ mean a lot to me.  
"I was really hoping I could find a flaw in him but I guess I'll just be the only one in this team who dies alone." Emily joked.  
"You're not alone." Penelope and I had our hands on hers in an instant and she smiled at us when Will came back to the table.  
"Wow, didn't expect _that._" He laughed.  
"You're already back?" I asked, checking my watch, it had been no more than two or three minutes.  
"There was this guy who lit his cigarette the moment I stepped outside and I waited until he was finished to come back in."  
"What a quick smoker." Emily answered, doubtfully.  
"Whatever." I grabbed my purse. "Can we go now?" I almost begged.  
"Yes, you have fulfilled your duties and are free to go now." Garcia approved.  
"Thanks." I got up.  
"It was nice meeting you two." Will waved goodbye.  
"See you soon." Emily emptied her glass and Penelope grinned like a little girl.

"They're really nice." Will held the passenger car door for me.  
"They're nuts." I laughed. He got in the driver's seat.  
"They love you almost as much as I love you." He leaned towards me. "Now I get to kiss you, right?" Instead of answering, I just pulled his face closer to mine and filled the last gap that had been between our lips.

I yawned when we arrived at my apartment after stopping at McDonald's to get me something to eat. It was almost 4 o clock. Where had the time gone?  
"Haha, you better go to bed straightaway, I don't want you to pass out at work tomorrow." He took my jacket from me and hung it up, next to my gun-belt.  
"I'm not tired." I insisted.  
"No, of course not." He wrapped his hands around my hips. Would I ever get used to the feeling of his touch? He kissed me quickly and was about to let go but I didn't let him. I had my arms around his neck, my right hand was gripping the hair on the back of his head.  
"Where are you going?" I asked.  
"Nowhere, it seems" He kissed me again, more passionate this time. My heart was racing. He moved his hands up to my waist and I jumped up, winding my legs around his. He didn't loosen the kiss as he walked to the bedroom where he lay me down on the bed.  
I was unbuttoning his shirt when my phone rang.  
'I need you all in at 5:30' Hotch had texted.

"Really? Now?" Will asked the phone disappointedly.  
"I'm sorry"  
"I hate your job" He rolled to the side of me.  
"You know, my job's the only reason we're lying here tonight. If it weren't for _this_ particular unit, you'd still be in New Orleans and I-" I checked the clock. "Would probably still sit in my office. Or maybe already."  
"How do you wanna know that?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I think, we're meant to be together and our paths would have crossed anyway." Will stroked my cheek.  
"_I_ think, we're meant to be together _and_ I am meant to have this job."  
"I'm just really glad that fate brought you in my life."  
"Yeah, me, too." I agreed.  
"I hope fate will bring you back to me as soon as possible." He kissed my cheek.  
"Uh-uh" I stopped him from turning his head away.  
"We still have 50 minutes left before I have to go."  
"You should get some sleep, cher."  
"Sleep's for the weak!" I removed my hair band and started where we had left off...

**Hope you liked it, leave a review if you did.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Sorry it took me so long to update, school kept me busy and this chapter was really important but also difficult for me to write, I couldn't figure out what she thought when she found out. We all know how it turned out so here it goes:**

Saturday 4:45am  
"I don't like to do this." He let go of my hand.  
"I know." I wrapped myself in the bed sheet and tapped to the bathroom to take a quick shower and get ready for work.  
15 minutes later, I reappeared in the doorframe, dressed all business like.  
"You know that that's how every second porn begins, right?" Will laughed, wearing boxers and a shirt again.  
I threw the blanket back on the bed.  
"You wish!" I rolled my eyes, not wanting to know any further details of his teenage years or how else he knew that.  
I searched for my keys and poured myself a cup of coffee before I looked in the bedroom one last time.  
"I hope I'll be back for breakfast time." I said.  
"Be careful."  
"I'll just be in the office."  
"We've been together long enough for me to know that that's not true."  
"You're right. I'll be careful." I blew him a kiss and walked towards the front door when he called me back.  
"Oh, and JJ?"  
I peeked my head through the door.  
"I love you." He had his hands on his heart and smiled my favourite smile.  
"I almost thought you'd forget it." I winked at him.  
"Never."  
I couldn't resist the urge to run to the bed and kiss him again one last time before really leaving.

5:30am

"Hey, where's Will?" Emily asked when I arrived at the office.

"Sleeping?!"  
"Now that's what I call strength. You managed to pull yourself out of bed with a naked man lying in it."  
I rolled my eyes. How did she even know that? I headed straight to my office, hoping I could get everything done quickly and go back home.  
Ha ha. I wished.

It was a tough day. Of course I wasn't home by breakfast time. Or lunchtime.  
A boy had killed his brother and the media loves child shooters. It had happened the night before but we were in charge to figure out why he did it.  
He seemed pretty normal to me. I wasn't a profiler, so nobody asked me, but if they had, I'd say what almost every one said about our unsubs. 'He seemed so normal. I would have never guessed that he has 24 corpses in his basement.'  
But why would a seventeen year old decide to shoot his brother three times and then not even try to run away?

I gave several press conferences, set up meetings with the team and the local police.  
I almost didn't leave the office apart from only one time when I followed the team to question him.  
And that's when I saw it: This boy had a look on his face that you can't describe. The look of despair. I had only seen it one time before; On my sister.  
To keep myself from hugging him, I looked away immediately and never returned to the window.

6pm  
I had called Will on the way and he served pasta when I came home.  
I fell dead into my bed like 5 minutes later.

When I woke up the next morning everything was cleaned up again and Will's suitcase packed.  
I rubbed my eyes. He was wide awake, sitting next to me and reading a book.  
"Good morning sleepy head." He put it aside.  
"Sorry I overslept our last night together."  
"I'm sorry that I didn't know you were gonna die. Besides, you needed your beauty sleep."  
I sat up.  
"Not that you need need any beauty sleep." He corrected himself.  
"Oh, thank you. I almost forgot that I'm the only person on this planet that looks good after 36 hours without sleep." I said sarcastically.  
"You are"  
Great. It was good to know that I could never trust his opinion if it came to my looks. He was biased by his suck-upiness.  
But I could have done worse. I wasn't going to complain because he complimented me too much.

11pm  
"Next week I'm coming over again." We stood at the gate  
"Hey, I never complain! It's you who doesn't like your apartment."  
"It's small and impersonal."  
"You know that you're always welcome at my place." He reminded me.  
"I know. Now go, before you mis your flight."  
"I miss you already."  
"Only 5 short days."  
"Don't you stand me up again."  
I kissed him for a second and watched him walk behind the barriers until he was out of sight.

4 weeks and 3 days later, I noticed it; I was late. I was 6 days late. I hadn't paid any attention to it and work had kept me busy but now that I had noticed it. It was all that was on my mind.  
Could I really be pregnant? Apart from the fact, that yes, I could be. It didn't take a PhD in biology to know that male plus female equals offspring. But did it suit my book? On the other hand, was there a perfect time?

I decided to call my doctor's and see if they could squeeze me in before I had to go to work, it was just a blood test after all and couldn't take too long.

I was too scared to pee on a stick. They were just as unreliable as my birth control obviously was.  
"The test results should be here in a few days, we will call you immediately." A nurse promised me. Great. 'Cause that's what every possibly pregnant woman wants to hear. 'You'll know for sure in a couple of days, until then, just live your life and pretend that everything's not about to change forever.'  
I thanked her politely and left the practice in a hurry, already late for work, nothing would expose me more than not being the first one in the office.

But he team hadn't planned on taking a case without Hotch so everyone was sort of chilling at his desk and nobody was surprised, or at least didn't say anything, when I arrived at 9 o clock. Half an hour later than usual.  
I was welcomed by my telephone ringing.  
"Supervisory special agent Jareau" I answered, thankful that somebody distracted me.  
"Hello? This is Keri Derzmond."  
"What can I do for you?"  
"I sent you a letter. Did you get it? I'd you read it?" The woman breathed heavily.  
"I just got here, wait..." I searched for it on my desk. There was a sealed envelope from her.  
"Ok, give me a minute to read it." I quickly went through it. A stalker. We usually didn't take stalker cases but she seemed really agitated.  
"Could you come to the office at 10:30? I will try to have an answer for you by then." 1,5 hours should be enough to get there. "Do you know the address?"  
"Thank you. Yes." She hung up immediately.

10am  
Emily was even later than me, I called her into my office to show her the letter as soon as she arrived.  
Keri came 10 minutes early and 2 hours later we were already in Maryland with her.  
I was glad that I had something to do but had trouble to control my emotions. Was it already the hormones?  
The thought of it made me even more anxious.  
After almost a whole day of investigation and no lead, I was getting nervous.  
What if we didn't find him? Could we just go back home and leave her alone with a stalker that was obsessively in love her?  
My mood got worse with every clue we didn't find. The team noticed and I had to leave numerous times in order to calm myself down again.  
Not knowing what was going on almost killed me.  
I wanted to call Will but didn't want to excite (or upset?) him before I knew for sure.  
So I was left all alone with my worries.

11pm  
I sat on my hotel bed and stared at the phone. Picking it up and laying it down again several times.  
A clock was ticking loudly. I heard Emily's shower running. Reid seemed to be on the phone. The walls appeared to be as thin as paper.  
I decided to call Will after all.  
"Hello?" Loud music was playing in the background.  
"Hey, it's me."  
"Hey, Cher."  
"Am I disturbing you?"  
"No, don't worry. I'm just with some guys. Wait a moment." The music got quieter until the slam of a door muted it.  
"Ok, I can talk now. What's up?"  
"Nothing, I just.. Thought I might call and see how you're doing."  
"I'm great. How about you?"  
"Yeah. You know what, I'm sorry. Go back to your friends." I regretted calling him immediately. What could I possibly say to describe the situation?  
"Are you sure you're ok?"  
"Yes. I'm sorry for bothering you. Never mind."  
"You're not bothering me"  
"No, I-" I stuttered. "I'm sorry" I said for the third time.  
"JJ, what's going on?" He sounded concerned.  
"Nothing!" I insisted. "I'm actually really tired, we're working on a case. I'll call you when I get home."  
"Doesn't sound like nothing."  
"Well, it is. Tell your friends I said hi." I hung up before he could ask me any further questions.

I don't know if it was the fact that he wasn't alone and I didn't want anyone else to know or if I simply got cold feet. I couldn't bring myself to tell him as long as I still believed the test was negative even though all the signs suddenly pointed in the opposite direction.

6pm  
The call reached me in the car on the way back home. Everyone could hear me, so I had to pay attention not to give anything away.  
There was no way that I would tell them before Will knew.  
"SSA Jareau." I let them believe I didn't know the number even though I was sure it was my doctor's- only one landline number would call me and they had already tried to reach me 7 times that day.  
"Hello, Ms. Jareau. Your test results are here."  
I swallowed. Preparing myself for the news that I already knew but didn't admit to myself until someone else said them out loud.  
"The test was positive. You're pregnant."  
Bam. Just like that. She said it probably for the fifteenth time that day. Nothing was more routine to her than telling someone they're pregnant. As if it was nothing. As if she didn't just screw up someone's entire life.  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome. We will send you the results per mail."  
"Ok." I hung up. Since when was it allowed to send something like that via Internet?  
I swallowed hard.  
"Who was that?" Emily commented on my shocked expression. I really could have made a better pokerface.  
"Nobody" Was my first reaction.  
She raised her eyebrows.  
"Just the bureau. Everything's fine." I reassured her, faking a smile.  
"Ok." She turned her head away again, shrugging her shoulders.  
I looked out of the window and forced myself to keep it together and not faint.

I had always liked the idea of  
having children but thought that it would be a decision I would actively make. I had known that if I ever got in the circumstances, I would keep the baby. And what choice did I have? I wasn't 16, I wasn't poor and I wasn't even single. There was no other option, in the eyes of society and in my own.  
I was with the man I loved, the father of this unborn thing inside of me. Of course it crossed my mind that Will couldn't want it. But how could he not? He loved me, how could he not love a mini-me? He wasn't the kind of guy to leave a pregnant woman and although we had never really talked about it, I knew he wanted kids. Was there a possibility he wouldn't want my child? No, he told me everyday how much he loved me. I received a text every evening that said how much he missed me. He was devastated after I had broken up with him in Miami. There was simply no way he didn't want this baby.  
We would have to talk about relocating, my job would probably end up in an argument, I would have to tell the team and my mother who had urged me for years anyway. But besides all the worries in my head, I was overcome by joy. I was pregnant. I was going to be a mommy...

7:15pm

"Hey, you got a minute?" I called him directly from my office after we got back.  
"Are you ok?" Was his immediate response.  
"Yeah, I'm fine. We just really need to talk!"  
"What is it?" He seemed to be alone. Thank god.  
"I'm pregnant" I said with a horrified look on my face.  
"JJ" He said excitedly.  
I gasped for air. He didn't sound angry. That was a good thing, I guessed.  
"That's great."  
I couldn't have hoped for a more positive reaction.  
"When did you find out?"  
"Like an hour ago. But I'd had a feeling since yesterday.  
"That's what you didn't tell me on the phone?"  
"Yeah, you had company and, look, I know we haven't talked about this, but-"  
"Whatever you're about to say, stop!"  
"What?"  
"I know what you're thinking. Stop"  
"What am I thinking?"  
"You're thinking that I am shocked or scared or don't want the baby or gonna leave you. You're imagining all the bad things that could happen! But you're wrong. About all of it. I'm surprised, yes. But not shocked. I'm happy. And we've never really talked about it but that doesn't mean I don't want it, because I do. And I'm not going to leave you. Ever." My nerves calmed immediately. Even though I hadn't expected anything else from him. He did read my mind. I had worried over nothing. Again.  
"Can I come on Friday?" I wanted to talk to him in person.  
"Always."  
"Ok, I'll look up a flight" I opened my browser.  
"Is it ok if I arrive at 9:17pm?"  
"Sure, I'll pick you up."  
A moment of silence.  
"JJ?"  
"Mh?"  
"Stop frowning."  
I pressed my lips together and tried to relax my forehead.  
"I'm not frowning." I denied it.  
"Yes you are. Cher, I can see it through the phone! I know everything seems a little upside down now and my head is spinning, too. But we just need to let it settle and sleep on it and tomorrow it won't seem so drastic anymore."  
It still was drastic. It wasn't like bad news you got that would make you sad for a couple of days and make you mourn the past. It was something that was still coming. Something that was too small to be seen, yet, literally, but would change everything. Forever.  
"I know. But do you mind if I hang up now? I'm really tired and just want to go to bed."  
The truth was that I wanted to stay on the phone with him forever but that wasn't an option. I wanted everything to stay exactly as it was. But that wasn't an option either so I chose to hide from it two more nights until I faced it with him together. Face to face.  
"Ok, we'll celebrate on Friday" He announced.  
"I'll get the champagne." I teased him.  
"Very funny."  
"I love you."  
"I love you, too."  
I couldn't tell if he said two or too but I liked it either way.  
I stared at the black ink on the white paper for a couple of minutes until I neatly folded it again and stuffed it in my bag.  
By turning the lights off before leaving, I said an internal goodbye to my old life and welcomed the future. _Our_ future as a family...

**As always, leave a review if you liked it. :)**

**P.S I'm sorry for the weird layout, my iPhone screwed everything up as usual**


	34. Chapter 34

_**Chapter 34**_

**Sooorry it took me so long to update, I was writing the next chapter...  
Hope you like it, leave a review if you did.**

_"You never understand life until it grows inside of you."  
-Sandra Chami Kassis_

It was comforting to know that I wasn't alone in this. That Will faced this change, too and was ready to fight the battle beside me.  
All week I had been nervous. I didn't already wanna tell the team but I hated keeping secrets from them, especially such a major one.  
I was feeling sick in the mornings and couldn't tell them why I suddenly couldn't smell their coffee anymore. Or their food period.

When friday arrived, I counted the minutes until I was released to go home, get my stuff and get to the airport from where I'd go far away. (Not _that_ far but 'away' was as good as a feast.)  
A stewardess said our plane would arrive 25 minutes early (how's that even possible on a 2 and a half hour flight?) and I knew that even though Will was always on time, I would still have to wait for him.

I got out quickly, since I only had a carry on bag. In order to waste some time, I decided to get a coffee.

Starbucks was only a minute from the gate away and I could see it from my seat but texted Will where I was, just to be sure.  
A woman walked past me, a little girl was holding her hand, she was no more than 4.  
"What if I get lost? Children get lost at the airport all the time." She had such a know-it-all attitude but I guessed that's common for her age. Until you're 3 years old you think that everybody knows everything and when you turn 4, bam, suddenly _you're_ almighty.  
"You won't get lost!" the woman was slightly annoyed, pulling a heavy suitcase behind her.  
"How do you know that?" The girl asked again.  
She stopped, turned around and kneeled down to look at her child. She was suddenly calm.  
"Because I'm here, sweetie. And I won't let anybody take you away from me." She kissed her daughters cheek and stood up.  
"Now let's see daddy."  
They walked away.  
It was so random, I was looking for the hidden camera. As if they had purposely stopped right in front of me, trying to show me what motherhood means. I wished all mothers could be like her. I wish there weren't women who abandoned their children. But there were and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't leave that out of sight.  
Bad people can be good parents. Why not the other way around? Why couldn't good people be bad mothers. How did I know I was going to be a good one? How did I even know what kind of person I was in the first place?  
Thankfully, Will arrived and distracted me from my moment of self doubt.  
I got up to greet him. He smiled from ear to ear.  
"No flowers?" I asked surprised.  
"Well, I was going to get you a balloon but sadly I didn't find a store that sold 'it's a something' balloons. Besides, I figured now that you're legally bound to me, I don't have to 'ensnare' you anymore." He raised his voice when he said the word.  
"You're very confident that it's yours." I teased him. He wrinkled his nose, pulling me in his embrace.  
"If it's black or super smart, you have some explaining to do." He took the little suitcase from me as we walked to his car.  
"Uuh, let's hope it's got my genes." I laughed and took his hand.  
"You're not supposed to drink coffee, by the way." He said.  
"What?" I protectively held the cup away from him.  
"I googled it and the Internet says that caffeine's really bad during the pregnancy." He informed me.  
"Well then tell the Internet to go fuck itself, how else am I gonna survive this?"  
"Hey, watch your language around the baby." I was impressed at how easily he talked about it. 'The baby' as if it'd been there for months, as if it was actually a real thing rather than a unimaginable image in my head. If I hadn't gotten used to it by then, how had he?  
"That's not fair. I'm _always_ with it." It. An idea. An illusion.  
"Life's not fair." He shrugged his shoulders.  
"It can't hear me."  
"Do you know that?"  
"Yes, it doesn't have ears yet. So I got 8 months of swearing left and I can blame the hormones for everything."  
He chuckled. "That's gonna be interesting." He took the cup from me anyway, letting go of my hand in order to carry it. He took a sip but almost spit it out again.  
"Ew, how can you drink that stuff? If the caffeine won't kill the baby, the sugar sure will." To be fair, I liked my coffee really sweet. But I flinched when he said 'kill the baby.' as surreal as everything was, loosing it hadn't crossed my mind. I mean, it has. But then again not. I was confused and put it on my long list-of-things-to-worry-about-while-being-pregnant.  
"That's not fair." I commented on his forbidding me to drink it at all, shaking away the images in my head, pretending it hadn't bothered me.  
"Life's not fair." He tossed it in the next trashcan.  
"You said that already."  
"It's still true."  
I gave up.

When the sweet scent of his little house hit me, something else did.  
I remembered the woman at the airport. 'Now let's see daddy.' Was I going to be that woman? That takes her child away from it's father except for the weekends? And if not, would I have to say goodbye to this house that I've grown to love more than my own? Or worse, would I have to say goodbye to mine and therefor everything that went with it? My team?  
I was completely taken aback. Will noticed.  
"You ok?" He put my bag on the stairs and turned on the lights.  
"Yeah." I shook the images out of my head again. We'd have to talk about this sooner or later (add it to the list, check) but I felt like we deserved a day or two as the perfect happy family-to-be before reality caught up on us.  
I took off my coat. He took it from me and hung it up.  
"Are you hungry?"  
"Nope." I was tired.  
"Do you want anything else?" He asked from the kitchen.  
I followed him. "You." I said, hugging him from behind.  
"Well, you already have _that_." He turned around in my embrace, putting his hands on my hips, leaning against the counter.  
"Then I'd like a coffee."  
"Nice try. If you're tired, you can just go to sleep."  
I checked the clock, it was only 9.  
"No, I'm good."  
"Well then... How about we watch a movie?" He asked.  
"I'll pick one." I said excitedly and danced out of the room.  
"Oh hell." He turned around again and turned on the water kettle.  
He had many movies I hadn't seen yet but for some reason I chose a horror movie. Trust me, when you've seen what I have, they ain't scary anymore. It's just laughing at the bad special effects.  
"How mixed up are you that you watch horror movies because they make you laugh?" Will commented on my choice as he entered the room with two cups of tea in his hand.  
"That smells... Disgusting." I said.  
"I know but we'll get used to it!"  
"We?" I asked.  
"Well, I figured, since you don't really have a choice and are carrying probably-_my_ child, I might as well be loyal and refrain from caffeine as well."  
I smiled. Tea really does smell in need of getting used to for someone who drinks about 3-5 cups a day.  
"You don't have to do this." I moved over on the couch so he could sit down next to me.  
"I know. But I want to. Besides, I will only do it around you. I raise my hat to you and the 8 months ahead of you-"  
"Of which I had no idea until two hours ago" I interrupted him.  
"-but I am not that strong myself. However, I will try my best to be it around you."  
"That shall be enough." I kissed him quickly and set the cup down on the coffee table, how ironic, to put the DVD in the player.  
I snuggled into him as some guy on the screen drove in his car.  
"He's gonna die." I predicted.  
"You think, huh?" Will laughed, looking down at his cup. He grimaced. "This is gonna be tough." He put it down next to the couch, never picking it up again. It's the will that counts...

When I woke up again my head was lying in his lap, he was brushing my hair with his fingers and the credits played on the TV.  
I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, realising I had literally slept through the movie.  
"What did I miss?" I sat up.  
"He died." Will answered dryly.  
"Oh no. What a surprise." I stretched my arms and legs, kicking down my cup.  
"Pity." Will said sarcastically and shrugged his shoulders. We both looked at the tea ruining the entire carpet, yet none of us moved."  
"What now?" He searched for the remote and turned the TV off, leaving the room in total darkness. My eyes were so blinded, I couldn't even see my own hand, let alone his face.  
"Are you tired?" I asked.

He leaned his head against mine until our foreheads touched.

"I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep cause I'd miss you, babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing." He sang, it was almost a whisper, his face brushed my lips. I could hear him smiling.

"That was probably the worst performance of this song. Ever. Steven Tyler would shoot you right away if he knew." I joked.

"Then let's be glad that _I'm_ the one carrying the gun." His hand felt it's way to my face and pulled it to his. He had intended it to be a quick kiss but I didn't let go. Not removing his lips from mine, he got up and carried me in his arms, kicking over his cup along the way.  
"That's a sign." I smiled and even though my eyes were closed when I pressed my lips on his again, I could see him smiling, too. The smile I lovers so much, the smile that made him look like he was the happiest person in the world even though he had nothing's in his arms except from me. Literally.

Some things just aren't meant to be. And some things are.

**sorry for the weird layouI again, my phone sucks!**


	35. Chapter 35

**_CHAPTER_**** 35**

**Thanks for the reviews.**  
**Next chapter's gonna be really long and my sister's coming for a visit so it might be a while until I can update again.  
Oh, and I edited the first chapters a little, adding quotes and trying to correct some spelling mistakes. Will's mother is back from the dead, by the way. In my new version she divorced Will's father when he was little and he lived with him from then on, I thought it would be more interesting to bring her into the story, too :D  
Enjoy and leave a review if you did.**

_"Our doubts are traitors, _  
_and make us lose the good we oft might win, _  
_by fearing to attempt."_  
_-William Shakespeare_

I woke up with a queasy feeling in my stomach again. Will lay next to me, his eyes were open, his head rested upon his hand.  
"What are you doing?" I yawned sleepily.  
"Watching you sleep."  
"That's creepy." I turned my body around, about to stare back at him when I was suddenly wide awake. I opened my eyes in shock, covered my mouth with my hand, pulled the sheets away and ran to the bathroom.  
"Whoops." He was up the next second and held my hair out of my face as I vomited in the clean white bowl.  
When I was done, he gave me a cup of water to rinse my mouth. I flushed, closed the toilet lid and sat down next to it on the floor.  
"This baby better be cute." I cursed.  
"I'm sure it will be." He sighed and joined me on the ground.

"What do you feel like doing today?" He asked after a moment in silence.  
"Sleeping." I moaned, pressing my cool hand on my aching head.  
"Right here?" He asked rather rhetorically.  
"Yes." I let my head fall down on the soft carpet in front of the shower.  
"Ok." He lay down on his back too, but the other way around, our heads touched. The bathroom wasn't big enough so we both had to tuck up our legs.  
We stared at the white ceiling. The sickness had faded as quickly as it had appeared but I was too lazy to move.  
"So, what else does your precious google forbid me?" I asked.  
"Well, you don't get to paint your nails anymore."  
"I can live with that." I never used nail polish anyway.  
"And you may need to get a new shampoo cause some of them contain dangerous chemicals."  
"That's ridiculous." I rolled my eyes, not at him, but at whoever had written that article.  
"No alcohol, obviously." He went on.  
"Ouh, I don't think I'll manage that."  
He hit me teasingly with the side of his head.  
"No sushi, no raw meat, no soft cheese." He listed.  
"What's with the soft cheese?"  
"I don't know" He shrugged his shoulders.  
"Anything else?"  
"Not as far as I remember."  
"Good." I closed my eyes. We were both lost in our thoughts for a while until he broke the silence.  
"You think we can manage it?"  
"What? Words of doubt from the everlasting optimist?" I laughed.  
"I don't doubt that we'll manage it at all." He said seriously. He sat up. I turned my head to look at him. "And I don't doubt that I _want_ this, but-" he struggled for words "but what if we're gonna be crappy parents?" He wrinkled his forehead. "And by 'we' I mean myself, you'll be the best mom ever, of course." He touched my nose with his index finger. I sat up as well, opposite to him, taking his hands. "I never thought I'd ever say this to you, but you have to stop thinking so negative. Because I think, I _know _that we can manage _everything_."  
He looked at me and nodded. "You're right." He stood up. "The baby doesn't have a choice, anyway."  
I chuckled. That was true. But I was comforted to know that Will was worried, too. That I wasn't the only one quite overwhelmed with the situation.  
"Now, how about I fix you some breakfast?"  
"How about I just stay right in here?" My stomach twisted at the thought of food.  
"Mineral water, it is." He gave me a hand to pull me up.

As he had promised, he poured me a glass of water and sat down at the bar in the kitchen.  
"So, what _do_ you feel like doing today? Apart from hiding from everyone that could have food and sleeping, which, I'm sorry but I won't allow you, you're leaving too soon to spend any of that time unconscious."  
"Can we at least stay inside?" I begged, shivering at the thought of going outside. It was february and there was snow on the ground everywhere in D.C and that was ok, but it was an unusually cold day for Louisiana and for some reason I suddenly hated the weather.  
"I know better than to mess with a pregnant woman." He indirectly agreed.  
"I am _so_ using this as an excuse for everything from now on." I cheered.  
He was about to say something when I held up my hand. "I'm going to be as big as a house and get up 20 times a night to go to the bathroom, don't judge me!"  
He pressed his lips together to suppress a smile. "I would never. So what now? A _Friends_ marathon?"  
"You hate F_riends._"  
"But I love _you_. And, hey, I don't _hate_ it. Besides, you're gonna be as big as a house and get up 20 times a night to go to the bathroom for my child, the least I can do for you is to endure a day of bad jokes."  
"It _is_ funny"  
"Sure." He took a yogurt from the fridge. "I hope you can't smell that over there but I'm starving."  
"Just stay in the corner." I yelled, pretending to be miles away. He chuckled.

"Why do you have all seasons on DVD if you hate it so much?"  
"I think my ex girlfriend forgot it here." He entered the living room, an apologizing look in his face.  
"I hope that's the only thing she forgot here, I don't wanna find her panties in your drawers." I put the first disc in the player.  
"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure you would have found them already." He settled on the couch. I sat down next to him, lay my feet on the coffee table, already missing my morning coffee at the thought of it, and pressed play on the remote. He put his arm around me.

"So, did she live here?" I asked shyly after a minute.  
"Shh, you're missing everything." He pointed at the TV, not looking away.  
"Nice try, I've already seen this episode like 4 times."  
He turned his head. "No." He answered my question.  
"Have you ever lived here with a woman?"  
"Not really, no. How about you? You must have had every guy in the bureau knocking on your door?"  
"Haha. No. And no. I had a few relationships but they all turned out to be more work than pleasure. My longest relationship was actually my first one in High school. But he turned out to be, well, a footballer after all." I sighed at the memory. He was the first one to break my heart and ever since I'd never trusted anyone like that again. Not even Will. Although I came closer to it every day.  
"If I had known you in High School, I would have kicked the crap out of that guy. Nobody hurts _my_ girl." He kissed me but I pulled away.  
"Nice try, you're not done yet. I wanna know about _all_ of your exes."  
"Well, I didn't cheat on my high school girlfriend but we simply decided that it would be easier for the both of us if we went separate ways. I think she ended up in rehab during college." He grimaced.  
It was nice to learn about his past, even if it was something as plain as ex girlfriends. I realized we rarely talked about stuff like that, it was always about the present or the future, we never looked back.  
"What about your mom?" I blurted out. I looked over at the fireplace, the family photo I had noticed the first time I visited him was still framed on top of it but it seemed dusty, proving how little he seemed to care about it.  
"I didn't date her, if that's what you mean."  
I punched his shoulder. "It's not."  
"Then what do you wanna know?"  
Apart from everything?! "Do you talk to her often?"  
"Nah, the last time we spoke on the phone was a couple of months ago."  
"What is she like?" I wondered if I would ever get to meet her.  
"She doesn't know about you." He answered an unspoken question in my mind. "But I'll tell her next time she calls." He promised.  
"You don't have to" I understood best what it felt like to wanna keep private things private, even from one's own mother.  
"No, but I want to." He stroked my cheek. "I didn't not mention you because I was ashamed of you or anything, you know that, right?"  
I knew, but I was curious anyway. "Then why did you do it?"  
"I-" He took a deep breath. "I was little when my parents split up and I always felt like she'd abandoned us. She _left_ this family and monthly visits couldn't make up for that. Our lives just kind of drifted apart with time and neither of us seemed to really mind." I knew it was hard for him to talk this openly.  
"Is that what you're worried about?" I asked shyly. He shook his head.  
"You could never do that." He put his hands on either side of my face. "They say that every guy wants to marry his own mother but I'm _so_ glad that you're the exact opposite of her."  
I pretended to have overheard the word 'marry'. "You're welcome" I placed a kiss on his lips.  
"Thank you." He said and I could hear that he truly meant it.  
"Now what about _your_ past?" He attempted to get me to talk to but I took a pillow, placed it in his lap and lay down my head.  
"I'll tell you about it some day." I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the soft brush of his hands on my head.

He watched the entire first season very bravely and ordered pizza for me when I woke up. It was obvious pretty soon that I'd be craving pizza all day for the next 8 months and he agreed to let me eat whatever I wanted as long as he got to eat something else. I agreed.  
Life's all about compromises...


	36. Chapter 36

**_CHAPTER 36_**__

**Ok, so this is not the long chapter I mentioned last time, I decided to postpone that one.  
Hope you like this one as well, leave a review if you did** :)  
**P.S The episode in which Phoebe finds a thumb in her soda is 1.3 and yes, Will has watched the first season the previous night but I'm hoping you can forgive me my little goof.**

_Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? _  
_Thou art more lovely and more temperate:_  
_Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,_  
_And summer's lease hath all too short a date: _  
_Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,_  
_And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; _  
_And every fair from fair sometime declines,_  
_By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;_  
_But thy eternal summer shall not fade_  
_Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;_  
_Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,_  
_When in eternal lines to time thou growest: _  
_So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,_  
_So long lives this and this gives life to thee._  
_-William Shakespeare, sonnet 18_

"Why is there a thumb in her soda?" Was how Will woke me up the next morning.  
I blinked a few times, 'friends' was playing on the bedroom TV.  
"It's not funny, huh?" I muttered, referring to his comment from the previous afternoon.  
"Oh I'm sorry, honey, go back to sleep." He turned the volume down.  
"Nah" I sat up. "Now I'm awake."  
"If _we_ found a thumb in our coke, we could sue coca cola and become rich."  
"Too bad I'm not allowed to drink it."  
"I would volunteer for that part."  
"Good luck, then."I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, not really aware of what he was talking about.  
He turned the TV off.  
"Breakfast?"  
As a response, I let my head fall back on the pillow and buried my face under the blanket, suppressing the feeling in my stomach.  
"I'll take that as a no." He got out of bed, grabbed some clothes from the closet and disappeared in the bathroom.  
"I'm gonna go for a run." He whispered, his lips right next to my ear, his breath tickled on my skin. "But when I come back, we're gonna find something to eat for you. Something _not_ pizza-ish."  
"Sounds good."  
He left.

I felt well-rested and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to get up after all. But as soon as I was in a vertical position, my head and everything inside me turned. It wasn't long until I met my dinner again.  
"Great." I sighed, brushed my teeth and changed into a pair of acceptable clothes, in case Will had planned on taking me outside.  
At least the sun was shining again.  
I gave the kitchen a wide berth and looked through Will's books in the living room. Romeo and Juliet stood on a shelf that was at my eye level so I noticed it first. I pulled it out and flipped through the pages. It was an old copy from 1889. It smelled of dust and time.  
There was an inscription on the first page, right below the title.  
"To my eternal flower, my summer's day, the love of my life, Margaret. May this be with you whenever I'm not. I will love you forever. William." There was no date on it but it must have been Will's dad's. Will could have never written anything like this to another woman. He could have never loved another woman like this. Like he loved me. At least I refused to believe it, telling myself that it wouldn't be there if he had given it away, that nobody our age would be named Margaret and I was panicking over nothing again.  
What if she died? A love story doesn't end when someone dies and everyone that comes after it is only an unsuccessful attempt to fill the hole that the person who died had left.  
I stood up to look at the pictures above the fireplace again. His mother did look like a Margaret. But what could have possibly gone wrong that she left them, with a man like this?  
When I had read the first couple of pages, I heard Will's key turn in the lock of the front door. I carefully put the book down next to the couch.  
"You're up." He pointed out with a smile.  
"It's almost noon and I'm only _pregnant_! I don't have cancer."  
"That was hard to believe yesterday." He sat down on the couch next to me. He was sweaty and I thought of all the women who found that sexy, remembering that I don't. But he had a point, I had been really exhausted the day before.  
"I heard noon's the magic time, are you hungry?" He asked, referring to my morning sickness that, according to the Internet, should fade after 12 o clock and the first trimester, which meant I had only 7 more weeks to go.  
"Yes, even though I had a very nice reunion with my dinner."  
"Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I thought you'd be ok." He apologised.  
"I _was_."  
"I thought you'd be more than _your_ perception of ok." He corrected himself.  
"Well, I'm ok, your perception of ok, now. So why don't you do what you do best and fix me some lunch?"  
He chuckled. He was a good cook and I was a terrible one. Nobody could deny that.  
"But take a shower first, before you have a nice reunion with my dinner."  
"What, you don't like the smell of manhood?" He laughed and moved his face closer to mine. I pressed my lips and eyes together and held my breath, enduring his kiss but pulled away after a second.  
"That's enough. Now go." I laughed and pushed him off the couch.

I focused my attention on the book again, the inscription burning in the back of my head.  
'Did my heart love 'till now?' Romeo asked himself in act 1, scene 5.  
"Did it?" I sighed, believing it was quiet.  
"Did what?" Will asked from the hallway. I hadn't heard him come down the stairs. He wore a pair of skinny jeans and a white v-neck shirt.  
"Hi." I greeted him.  
"What are you reading?" He asked, coming closer.  
"Trash." I put it down next to me, leaving it open, though.  
"I see you still haven't chummed up with my classics."  
"In contrary to you and the 'Friends' DVD." I teased him.  
"Hey, don't judge me! I couldn't sleep and you were dead or something."  
"Sure and then you decided to torture yourself some more."  
"Ok, it might be a little bit funny." He admitted, turning my book around to read the title.  
"They're twelve and kill themselves after having dated for like a month."  
He sat down next to me.  
"I wouldn't wanna live without you."  
"You better not leave me alone up there." I laughed.  
"I won't. I promise." He kissed me, smelling of my shampoo, I made a note to buy him some new one.  
"How far are you?" He looked at the page I was currently reading.  
"5 weeks and two days."  
"Very funny." He didn't look up, his eyes scanning the lines.  
"Did my heart love 'till now?" He recited aloud.  
"Did it?" I blurted out.  
"What?" He turned his head towards me.  
"Did it?" I asked again, quiet this time.  
"Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." He read the next two lines.  
I didn't answer, took the book from him wordlessly, opened it on the first page and handed it back to him. Seeming to know what it said, he sighed.  
"Screw my name, huh?"  
I didn't understand.  
"It was my mother's. The inscription was by my father, _William_." He looked down at his hands.  
"What happened?" I asked shyly.  
"I don't know. One day she told me that she would always love me and moved out. I've never had the strength to ask her what really happened. I was a child, I don't know what was going on between them but I didn't understand how she could leave me. She remarried and I suppose she's happy now." He didn't look up.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Don't be." He lifted his head. "My dad was great. I couldn't have had a happier childhood. Who knows, if my mom had had a bigger influence on me, maybe I wouldn't have become a detective. Maybe I would have never met you and my heart would have never felt true love."  
"Guess I should thank your mom, then." I pulled my legs up and sat taylor-fashioned. He turned his torso towards me, too.  
He didn't speak and looked through the pages but didn't read either.  
"What are you thinking about?" I asked.  
"Always you." He closed the book. "Do you wanna see Verona?"  
"_See_ Verona? You mean, like a vacation?"  
"Normal people take vacations, remember?"  
"I'm gonna take a vacation soon enough."  
"It's called maternity leaf, aka _the law._"  
"Everything that's not work is a vacation."  
"You're right, I should be grateful that you're at least taking it, I wouldn't be surprised if you left me alone with it and went back to work the next day."  
"Ouch." I slapped his shoulder.  
"Come on, it's our last chance to see the world while its just the two of us"  
That sounded intriguing, indeed.  
"Sure, but _Europe_?"  
"Domestic traveling is a lot easier with a baby than international."  
"9 days aren't worth going to Europe again."  
"First of all, every _minute_ I spend with you is worth it." He pressed lips on mine. "And secondly, you could take two weeks off."  
"_Two_ _weeks_?"  
"You look like I just asked you to climb the mount everest in flip-flops."  
He might as well have.  
I thought about it for a while. My team would be fine, they'd have to get used to it anyway. We had 18 years of constant worrying ahead of us. Spending some quality time with Will sounded like music to my ears.  
"Friday to Sunday." I offered all serious.  
"Last offer?" I nodded. "I better take it, then." He gave in.  
"But not as spontaneously as last time." I threatened.  
"Nah, I can't just leave like that, either. I'll check for some flights until you come back next time and then we can agree on a date."  
"Sounds perfect" I sat down in his lap, facing him, one leg on each side, and kissed him. He placed one had on the small of my back and the other one on the side of my face, keeping the hair out of it. There was no chance to escape his embrace.  
The sound of my grumbling stomach interrupted the perfect silence.  
"Right." He pushed my face away. "How about some pasta in order to get attuned to Italy?"  
"I know what would get-" I climbed down.  
"No pizza." He said casually and jumped up.  
"Fine."

We found out that there was no pasta left in the house. There were rice and cereals and some frozen cookie dough in the freezer.  
"How about we start with the getting attuned part during dinner and eat something different now. I still have some vegetables in the fridge, that should suffice." He quickly opened a few drawers and had all his ingredients together.  
"See," I said "That's why _you're_ cooking! I would have eaten rice with the pesto." What a lucky woman I was.  
He smiled my favorite smile.


	37. Chapter 37

_**Chapter**_ **_37_**

**_So, this one's a lot of dialogue. I hope you like it, leave a review if you did :)_**  
_  
"The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine."  
-Stephenie Meyer_

Miraculously, we didn't have a single case that week so I was looking forward to New Orleans on the weekend.  
Of course fate had a different idea and a call came in Thursday after lunch.  
The detective almost cried, 5 bodies in 10 days. Texas was a long flight but we could still make it long before the sun set.  
"Wheels up in thirty." Hotch said after I briefed the team and like a swarm of bees, everyone left the table to get their stuff.  
Fortunately, Will and I never bought the tickets earlier than the minute we got to the airport! It was always the same flight and until now there had always been a free seat left so it wasn't a problem if I stood him up last minute.  
Although I knew he would probably come and wait at my place till I came home if I asked him to, I didn't want him to. We'd need at least until Saturday evening and the plane left Sunday after lunch so it wouldn't really be worth the money or the time he'd be waiting in a city where he didn't know a single soul.  
_'We have a case, can't make it this weekend. So sorry. Love you.'_ I quickly texted him before joining the others in the bullpen.  
_'I don't like the idea of you being out there. Love you more.'_ He replied.  
_'Too_ _bad it's not up to you. I'll come over next weekend.'  
'You better.'  
_It was already afternoon, I had been waiting to present the case as long as possible so we wouldn't be on the plane while I was still feeling sick. It was either bulimia, pregnancy or being sent home sick and neither of those excuses appealed to me.

When I sat in my hotel room that evening, I called Will.  
"Are you ok?" He asked worried.  
"Yes. Why? Can't I call you without a reason?"  
"You're right. Let's start over. Hey beautiful"I heard him turn off the TV.  
"Watching Friends again?" I laughed.  
"You wish." Something fell to the floor on the other end of the line. "Shoot, the remote." He swore and went silent for a moment. "Ok, sorry about that. What's new?"  
"Nothing. The case actually _bores_ me. That guy could really be a little more creative." I got in a comfy position on the bed.  
"I don't think I wanna know any details."  
"Nah, you probably don't. What's new in _your_ life?"  
"Nothing. You stood me up once again and I will have to bore myself to death."  
"What about the guys at the station?"  
"They have better things to do than drink tea instead of coffee and plan a romantic trip to Verona."  
"I'm sorry."  
"I'll be fine! But tell Hotch that you want next weekend off, I think I have forgotten what you look like."  
I sighed.  
"I will. Do you already know where else we're going? I'm guessing we won't stay in Verona the entire time?"  
"You're guessing right. But I haven't decided yet, I wanted to do that with you."  
"I'll go wherever you take me."  
"That's not helping."  
"I know. Somewhere warm, please, preferably where they have pizza." I was feeling hungry again.  
"Oh hell, the baby's gonna be sick of pizza already until it's old enough to eat it."  
"It doesn't have a choice. _I'm_ the boss here."  
He laughed.  
"How about England?" He changed his voice, imitating a british accent. "They have excellent tea, I hear. It shall be a delightful experience."  
I cracked up.  
"And nobody would notice that we're American." I lauded him.  
"Thank you."  
"What's up with you and Europe, by the way?"  
"Asian people scare me, Africans are racists, Australia's soo far away and south Americans are only wearing sparkling bras all day."  
I giggled. "I'm pretty sure you're being prejudiced."  
"Whatever. I'm paying so suck it up."  
"I don't want you to."  
"Too bad it's not _up_ to you." He beat me at my own game.  
"It's two against one, I win."  
"How do you even know the baby's on your side?"  
"It's _literally_ on my side. On my side of the _country_."  
"Where are you, exactly?"  
"San Antonio, why?"  
"Just asking. You're sure you won't be finished until tomorrow?"  
"Yep. We just got here and we don't have any leads yet so it's gonna take a while."  
"Oh, ok." I could practically hear him making plans.  
"Why?"  
"Just asking."  
"Yeah, sure. Spit it out."  
"I don't know what you're talking about!"  
I rolled my eyes but let it go.  
"Are you tired?" He asked.  
I suppressed a yawn. "Nope."  
"I can hear that you are! Go to sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow."  
"I'm wide awake."  
"Of course you are. Goodnight, honey."  
"Don't hang up." But he did, leaving me alone in the pitch black darkness of the night...

As I had expected, we had trouble getting a list of suspects, let alone a good lead.  
At least nobody noticed me skipping breakfast and not drinking any coffee.  
_'Still no clues?' _Will texted me around lunchtime.  
_'Nope. Sorry.'  
_He didn't text back. Which was odd.

It was already dawn outside, when Hotch released us to go back to the hotel.  
"Goodnight" Emily waved and entered her room which was next to mine.  
I pulled the key card out, pushed down the door handle and opened the door. I hiccuped when I saw him sitting on the edge of my bed. How had he gotten there?  
He got up, smiling widely.  
"How on earth did you get in here?"  
"Well, hello to you, too." He kissed me but I still had to calm my pulse from the shock. "I'm sorry if I scared you."  
"You did." I was able to move again and threw my bag in the corner. "Now, how _did_ you get here?"  
"I drove. Didn't you notice my car in the parking lot?"  
I hadn't. I shook my head. "It takes like 8 hours."  
"6 and a half if you don't pay attention to speed limits."  
I checked the clock. It was 7pm.  
"You're nuts. But that still doesn't explain how you got _in_ here."  
"Turns out the lady at the reception gives away room keys to detectives without asking for a search warrant or wondering why nobody ever leaves the room again."  
"And you just never returned from your lunch break?" I raised my eyebrows.  
"A police station on Fridays is like high school. Everyone's dying to get home and nobody asks questions if you say you're sick and need to go home. Unless you have a serial killer running around, of course, which we don't. At the moment anyway." He added.  
"And you just decided to scare the hell out of me by showing up here without a warning?"  
"Yes. Are you done now?"  
"Yes."  
"Good." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my face up to his.  
There were no further questions...


	38. Chapter 38

_**CHAPTER**_ **_38_**

**I only wrote this because I didn't want to leave unmentioned what happened afterwards, it's nothing special. (Next one will be, though...)****Hope you like it anyway, leave a review if you did.**

_"In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers." _  
_-Fred Rogers_

Thump thump. I checked the alarm clock. It was 7:01am.  
"FUCK."  
"Are you ok?" Emily stood behind my door, waiting for me to come out.  
"I didn't hear my alarm. Sorry. Give me 5 minutes." I yelled and ran in the bathroom.  
"I'll be waiting in the lobby." She laughed.  
I hastily brushed my teeth, washed my face, put some make up on, stormed back in the room and threw the first clothes on I could find. I stuffed everything that was left in the room in my suitcase.  
"Where are my shoes?" I looked down at the socks on my feet.  
Will stuck one hand out under the blankets, blindly searched for something next to the bed and then threw a shoe at me without looking. I caught it.  
"Now _who's_ not a morning person?" I reproached him.  
"It's the middle of the night." He grunted in his pillow.  
I checked the clock. It was already 7 past 7. I was about to leave the room when he called back.  
"Hey."  
I turned around.  
"You better find that guy quickly 'cause I don't think the cleaning lady will be happy if she finds me in here."  
"Guess you gotta find another place to hide, then, _detective_."  
"Damn, I _seduced_ my suspect instead of arresting her." He hit his hand on the mattress.  
"I'll call you as soon as I know anything." I said casually and opened the door.  
"I don't think I can make it out of bed without a kiss." He whined.  
I debated it for a second, then walked across the room and leaned down to quickly kiss him. When I wanted to pull away after a second, he placed his hand on the back of my head and made it last a little longer.  
"I have to go." I urged. He let go.

"I'm so sorry. They must have forgotten my wake-up-call." I apologized to the team and peeked over to the reception but the woman didn't hear me. I remembered the wake up call, I had picked it up and hung up again in one movement, too tired to think of the possibility that I might _have_ to get up.  
"No problem, Reid just arrived, too." Emily said.  
We got in the car and drove to the station.

I was of not much use for them; they thought, Garcia typed and I kind of just tried to stay away from their coffee, which smelled terrible to me, yet I really really wanted to drink it. Ugh.  
They had a name by late afternoon and were on their way a minute later, leaving me alone at the station.  
_'We probably got him. I'm just waiting for them to come back and then I'm free to go.' _I texted Will while gathering our stuff.

15 or so minutes later, he stood in the doorway of the office they'd given us. I almost dropped the files I was holding.  
"You have to _stop_ doing that." I said startled.  
"I'm sorry, it's just so much fun to surprise you."  
"I hate surprises." I reminded him for the thirtieth time.  
"I know, but you love them if they're me." He sang grinning.  
"Maybe." I muttered, putting the files in a box on the table so the police officer wouldn't have to do it. "So what, your shield just gets you in everywhere?" I walked over to where he was standing, keeping a safe distance between us.  
"Jealous?"  
I checked if nobody was looking but they all stared at us. "Ha ha."  
"Aren't you glad that a detective from New Orleans is _consulting_ the FBI?" He said innocently.  
"Nice one." I winked at him. "Please, take a seat." I offered him professionally.  
"Thank you, _agent_." He said loudly, sitting down, and everyone immediately kind of lost interest in us. "When do you think they'll be back?" He leaned back in the seat. I sat down on the other side.  
"It's only a couple of blocks away, they should be here any minute if everything went alright."  
"And you still have to be here, because...?"  
"...We're never 100% certain that it's the right guy and if it's not, we have to rethink the profile."  
"Well in that case, fingers crossed!"  
"What did the receptionist say when you left this morning?" I changed the topic.  
"I kind of turned my head away from her and prayed she wouldn't recognize me and then noticed that it was a different one." He laughed.  
"Did she?"  
"Nope, or if she did, she didn't say anything. But I had to sneak in the guest bathroom again because my toothbrush had been in the car and the new lady at the desk did _not_ like that."  
I imagined it and laughed, maybe a little too loud, cause I saw the people turning away from the monitors to see where the noise was coming from. I looked down embarrassedly.

"Uhm..." When I looked up again, Emily stood in the door with her eyebrows raised.  
"It's not what it looks like." I got up.  
"Really? 'Cause it looks like he drove 8 hours-  
"6 and a half" Will and I said at exactly the same time.  
"-to keep you company while waiting for us for like 20 minutes." Emily went on, laughing. "_Or_-" she said excitedly "-you're very unprofessional and _he_'s the reason you overslept this morning."  
"I don't like any of my options." I placed the box in her hands. "Tell Hotch that I'm not coming with you, I'll be at work like usual on my monday. Say that I'm visiting an aunt or something."  
"I will. Have fun, you two." She waved goodbye, so did Will.  
"I'm going to hell for this."  
"For taking a weekend off?"  
"Yes." He knew that's not what I meant.  
"I'm sure about that." He took my hand. I backed away from his touch.  
"You'll never see those people again, does it really matter?"  
I looked through the glass wall, the team had already left.  
"Yes." I said but got on my tiptoes to kiss him anyway.  
"Now, let's visit the world's largest cowboy boots." He said, took my bag and led the way to his car.

Texas is hot, even in march. So we just did some sightseeing and went to a nice restaurant for dinner.  
"To you." Will raised his glass over spareribs and sweet potatoes.  
"To you." I said and clinked my glass with his.  
"We are definitely _not_ going to stay at the same hotel as last night." Will laughed.  
"If you show your shield, we can sleep anywhere." I joined his laughter.  
"And if _you_ show your badge, they'll let us stay there for free."

My flight left early the next afternoon. After sleeping through almost the entire night, there was only time for a late breakfast/ early lunch until I had to go.  
"Beware." I said when he walked me to the gate. "I might show up at your office this week."  
"In opposite to _you_, I'm not hiding anyone. I'm sure everyone at the station would be delighted to see you. Besides, we both know that you won't." He smiled but there was the slightest bit disappointment in his eyes...


	39. Chapter 39

**_CHAPTER 39_**

**Thank** **you all for the reviews.**  
**Soo, this one's like really long but I kind of couldn't stop writing. It's kind of weird as well but I wanted to write something crazy, so here it goes:  
I dedicate it to all the depressed teenagers out there; life sucks, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if you can't see it right now. There is.  
Enjoy, leave a review if you did and tell me if you got any ideas for their vacation ;)**

_"There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, 'There now, hang on, you'll get over it.' Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer."  
-Barbara Kingsolver_

You know how every woman who finds out she's pregnant immediately starts to plan everything and worry about all that could go wrong or right or whatever?  
Well, I didn't. I spent the first 10 weeks of my pregnancy as if nothing had changed, only without the coffee and skipping breakfast in general.  
I didn't walk around in my apartment and wonder where I could put a crib or a highchair or a baby's changing unit. I didn't read books and I sure didn't touch my belly, the idea of something growing inside there scared me too much.  
_Until..._

It was a Thursday morning. I went to work like I usually did, not knowing where I'd be spending the night, like I usually did.  
5 new cases had found their way to my desk over night and wanted to be looked at so I greeted everyone and got to work.  
I compared them, looking for urgency and amount of victims in order to figure out which one needed our attention first.  
4 seemingly random women had been shot in the head in their beds in the middle of the night. Seemingly random was a word none of us liked 'cause it immediately complicates things for us. I just hoped it would be easy to find him so I could be home by Friday and still catch my plane to New Orleans, so Will could write more things on the list of things I couldn't eat and drink anymore.  
My heart instantly raced faster. That feeling you get when you know you have to do something. Like when you sit in front of the TV and remember that there's an assignment due the next day. Or when you haven't replied to a letter because you always forgot when you were at home and remembered when you were out and every time it pops up in your mind, you feel a hot flash going through your body to signalise you that you have forgotten something, followed by guilt. It's an everlasting battle against yourself. Anyway, that's how I felt every time I remembered that I was pregnant. You'd think that was pretty often, due to morning sickness and general increase of appetite aka craving for everything that was small enough to fit in my mouth, but it actually happened pretty rarely. Will and I kind of waited. We just didn't know for what..  
I had to tell my team leader until I was 3 months in which gave me 2 more weeks.  
I took a cookie from the cookie jar I hid in my desk (yes, I did realise how pathetic that was but don't judge me, I was pregnant).  
The team liked the case, probably the same thought in mind as I had, that Garcia would track him down quickly since we already knew much.  
It hadn't been a busy week but they wore us even more out than the ones where we had two cases. Sitting in an office all day and coming home to an empty apartment (like every single one of us did, except Garcia sometimes) was more exhausting than one would think.

We arrived in Denver by 3pm and got to work immediately.  
But for once, Garcia couldn't work her magic and after almost one and a half days of background checking every single man in the area that seemed crazy enough to commit such a crime, we were still empty handed.  
3 days was usually the limit, 4 days tops. If we didn't catch the UnSub by then, we went back and the file landed on a pile of files that said 'unsolved' but would probably never be looked at again.

We had almost given up when Reid had one of his moments that turned out to be the last puzzle piece. To an entirely new puzzle, actually.  
We had profiled the UnSub to be male, who had had his heart broken, lost a job, etc. and was now on a revenge spree through young women's apartments. But what if it wasn't a guy? What if it was a woman? And then, I still don't know how Reid came up with that, what if she was jealous of these women? What if she hated them, because she saw something in them that she envied?  
So we let Garcia run our profile through her stalker system and went to sleep.  
When we came back to work on Saturday morning, she had already narrowed it down to 3 potential killers. Megan was 18, had attempted to kill herself before but was now on suicide watch which made it pretty hard to sneak out, especially in the middle of the night.  
We didn't even need to read the third one's name, 'cause number 2, Charlize, 20, was our girl. She had been chronically depressed for quite some time, broke off contact to her parents the day she turned 18, dropped out of college, had been arrested multiple times due to bar fights and assault of a cop. She had it all, the story, the aggression and the weapon. Her gun was registered, she'd gotten it pre-depression when she was in an official shooting club, where she got her license to carry it. Apparently nobody had bothered to take it from her when she was in the hospital with 16, after taking an overdose of sleeping pills.

She didn't seem dangerous enough to call a SWAT team though, so the local detective and the team stormed the room ourselves.  
I walked behind them carefully, my eyes on the target, my finger on the trigger.  
She sat on her couch, her back towards us, the gun in her hand, a glass of whiskey in the other.  
She didn't turn around when Morgan kicked in the door. She just kept on staring at the plain white wall.  
"FBI. Put your weapon down." He announced but she didn't move.  
"Ma'am." Hotch urged.  
Reid hid behind them with me.  
"Took you quite some time to find me." She said calmly, looking at her fingernails.  
"We're here now." Hotch didn't move an inch.  
"It's not fair." I said, stepping forward. I didn't want to say anything but it just came out of my mouth. Was I really trying to commiserate with her? I wasn't even a profiler.  
Hotch turned his head a little and gave me a surprised look. He couldn't have been more surprised than I was.  
"No, it's not." She agreed.  
"We're here to get you help"  
"You're here to lock me up."  
"_No_." I protested.  
"Pah." She laughed. "You don't care about me. You dive a bullet in my chest and leave my house as if nothing happened. You go back to your families and the people who love you and you don't even once take the time to really appreciate it. You take it for granted." She didn't raise her voice at all. I noticed hundreds of cuts on her wrists.  
"Those girls didn't deserve to die."  
"They didn't deserve to be happy either."  
"Everybody does. And so do you."  
She laughed again. "You don't know what it's like to be me."  
"Then tell me."  
She stood up. Slowly, revealing even more cuts on her thighs, some were fresh, some scars had almost vanished. She held the gun in her hand but her hand was lowered. She turned around to face us, her eyes locked with mine.  
She saw me staring at her bleeding wounds.  
"I wanted to feel something." She explained. "But I'm already dead."  
"Then why did those girls have to be, too?  
"You know what depression feels like?" She asked. I shook my head no. But I knew what consequences it could have. "It's like drowning only you see everyone else around you breathing. My parents didn't want me, they couldn't handle it. Do you think I became suicidal 'cause I felt like killing myself? My whole life is pain and yet completely useless at the same time. I just wanted it to stop. This numbness. I wanted to feel something or die. But they didn't let me. They've hated me from the day I was born and when I tried to make it easy for them by just leaving, they fucking pulled me back. I could be dead by now and none of this would have happened."  
"They loved you. They didn't want to lose you."  
"They _despised_ me." She gritted her teeth. "They wanted a girl that got into Harvard and when they realized I wasn't going to be that girl, they gave up on me. I'm like an unwanted christmas gift they didn't exchange in time and then the warranty had run out so they had to keep me."  
"You're right." It almost hurt to agree with her. "Parents are supposed to love and support their children no matter what and maybe it _is_ their fault who you've become, but you still can't blame them for what you did."  
"Do you have kids?"  
I felt the team's eyes burning in my back. "No."  
"Then why do you think you have any idea what parents are supposed to do?"  
Because I know. Call it intuition or instincts or whatever. The moment you decided to take the responsibility, you know. What you would do for this unknown child of yours is everything and more. If you want it or not. You know.  
I didn't answer.  
"Why would those whores get a chance to live a life if I don't?"  
"Happiness depends upon ourselves. You can still change."  
"Hey, I may not be smart but I ain't dumb enough to believe that I'll ever see the light of day again after killing 4 people."  
"There's no way out of this." I said honestly, suddenly steering this conversation in a different direction. Hotch tensed behind me. I could tell that he really wished I hadn't taken it over like this. We would have had to stand there forever until one of us gave up.  
"I know." She threw back the last sip of Whiskey and shattered the glass on the wall.  
"But we can get you help. The kind of help you need."  
"It's too late."  
"It's never too late."  
"They're better off now."  
"That's debatable."  
"I wanted to know what it's like. Not what it feels like, I know that. But what it looks like. I watched their eyes as the life left their body and I swear, even though they had always claimed to be so lucky and satisfied, they were _thankful_. Because in the end, out is the only thing you wanna get in this fucking world."  
"So maybe you did them a favor."  
"See, you understand me." She raised her hand so quickly it was impossible for me to react. Before I even realised what she was doing I heard the shot, followed by 4 other ones from my team, and fell to the ground.  
"We need a medic." Emily yelled and hovered over me.  
For a moment the world around me went quiet, for a moment my heart missed a beat and my breathing stopped, it felt like everyone was moving in slow motion. It was like walking on clouds in a room of nothingness.  
But I gained consciousness again shortly afterwards.  
I tried to take a breath, the pain in my chest spread but there was no blood. I couldn't get air, panically gasped for it. I smelled the dusty smell of her carpet, and closed my eyes for a moment.  
"It's alright." Emily comforted me, taking my hand.  
I found my words again. "I tried."  
Emily let out a little laugh. "You did great." She rubbed my hand.  
I didn't move. The pain was exhilarating.  
"She's a bitch." I said.  
Reid and Hotch suddenly stood there too and looked down on me.  
I smiled at them to confirm that I was alive. It got easier to breathe again.  
"Your profile didn't say she was suicidal." I glanced over at Hotch.  
"I'm sorry." He smiled. Something I saw such few times, it was already precious. He smiled when he was with Haley or Jack, but how often had I seen them together.  
"Can you get up?" Emily asked.  
I moved my legs and nodded, pulling myself up.

A paramedic arrived minutes later to help me get in the ambulance. I saw another one checking Charlize's pulse, shaking his head at us. There were three holes in her chest, but she was smiling. What had she seen in those faces that she really thought everyone was glad to be dead? How did her parents raise her if she felt the need to shut every girl's mouth that said she was happy? What had those parents done wrong to make her a monster? Was it all her fault? Or had her parents taught her that envy is a bad thing but she just didn't listen? Can children turn out to be like this even if their parents did everything right? Despite the obvious pain, I felt sick. I felt scared of what was to come and regretted everything I said to her, when I could have said so many different things that might have concluded a better ending for the both of us?

Emily didn't let go of my hand and wanted to get in the ambulance with me.  
"I'm fine." I reassured her, my voice was steady. "You don't have to come."  
"Are you kidding me? I'm not gonna leave you alone."  
"No really. They're taking care of me."  
I pointed at the guy who was checking my pulse. He waved and smiled. I sat up.  
Emily didn't move.  
"How bad's your pain on a scale of 1 to 10?" The medic that had introduced himself as Joe earlier asked, pulling off my vest and pushing my rib cage, checking for broken bones.  
"Two." I said optimistically, hoping they'd release me soon.  
"At least tell Hotch to pick us up at the hospital." I said to Emily and pointed towards Hotch who was talking to the officer.  
"Ok. I'll be right back." She kissed my hair and walked a few feet away.  
As soon as she was out of sight, I relaxed my face."I'm pregnant." I said breathlessly, lying back down again.  
The medic immediately put away whatever he was about to inject into my veins.  
"How far are you in?" He searched for something in the 40 drawers.  
"10 weeks today."  
"We'll check on the baby as soon as we get to the hospital, now this-" he held up another syringe but I interrupted him.  
"No painkillers."  
"They won't harm-"  
"No. I'm fine." I sat up again and moved my arms, proving my ability to dance without a problem. Painkillers would have only made me numb and sleepy.  
"You're one tough woman." He pointed out. "Lie down again, please." He ordered. I did.  
"At least put this on your head, I'm pretty sure you have a concussion from the fall." He handed me a cool pack.  
The pain in my head was indeed worse than the pain in my chest.  
Emily came back. "Don't you dare tell her." I muttered under my breath.  
"We have to do an X-ray and drive her to the ER." He told her.  
"Good. I'm coming."  
She closed the doors behind her and sat down as we drove off.  
"So, FBI, huh?" He changed the topic.  
"Yep."  
"And you storm houses with serial killers even though you're-" I squeezed my eyes at him as a threat "-not feeling well?"  
"I didn't know you weren't." Emily interrupted.  
"It's nothing." I said to the both of them.  
He asked me questions about where it hurt, how far away the shooterd been, if I had any other health issues apart from the 'stomach ache', as he'd kindly put it in front of Emily, and then drew some blood from me.  
"Now, you don't seem like any ribs are broken. But we'll check to be sure."  
"Ok." I took a deep breath. It hurt but it was bearable.  
"Do you know what kind of weapon she used?"  
"A revolver." I turned to look at the vest, which was lying on the floor, and saw the bullet stuck in it, right in the upper circle of the B. Right into my heart.  
Emily followed my gaze. "How can a profile be so wrong and still lead us to the right woman?" She sighed.  
"She was nuts." Was all I had to say about that.  
"Definitely."  
"I just want to go home." I held on tightly to Emily's hand.  
"I know. Do you want me to call Will?"  
"No, he doesn't need to know this."  
"J-"  
"He'll only be worried. I'll see him next weekend and then tell him."  
"I don't think you should be alone now."  
"I'm not." I smiled up at her.  
"That's not what I mean and you know it."  
Thankfully, the ambulance stopped. I wanted to get up but he pushed me down and wheeled me out on the bed.  
"Is this really necessary?" I asked, almost embarrassed.  
"Unfortunately it is. You may have internal injury. We have to check everything."  
"I'm perfectly fine." I insisted.  
"I'm just making sure." He gave me a serious look.  
We entered the emergency room.  
They asked me to get up and sit down on another bed.  
"Ma'am, could you fill out the paper work?" He guided Emily in the opposite direction and came back alone.  
"The nurse's gonna take over from here on. I told her everything. I really hope everything's fine. A shock like this _can _increase the chance of miscarrying but you seem like you took it quite well." I held up my fist. "And-" He swallowed. "I... Hope that guy knows how lucky he is." He nodded towards my stomach, smiled awkwardly and walked off.  
"Thanks." I said but he was already too far away.

A nurse came closer. "Hello, agent."  
"JJ, please."  
She nodded politely. "I will take you to the ultrasound. I was told it's urgent and top secret." She turned around to look at Joe who was walking through the door back to his ambulance.  
"I guess you could call it that."  
She made me sit in a wheelchair, which was almost as embarrassing as the stretcher, and wheeled me somewhere through the corridors.

My heart beat so fast, it made my chest hurt even more. What if something was wrong with the baby? Would it be my fault? Was there even a _baby_ to speak of, yet?  
I lay down on the lounger. She closed the door behind us. I wondered what Emily was doing.  
"Ok, how far are you in?"  
"10 weeks." I said again.  
"Great." She applied cold gel on my stomach and put her little machine on it. A pumping sound resonated.  
The nurse looked at her little monitor, her face was giving away anything.  
"What is it?" I asked nervously, playing with the robe she had given me that I had refused to wear.  
She turned her head, smiling. "Everything seems to be just fine. Do you hear this?" Of course I did, it was impossible to miss. "That's your baby's heartbeat." She grinned.  
A wave of relief went through my body.  
"So I didn't kill it?" I almost teared up. Achievement of the day: didn't kill a 10 week old.  
"Haha. No." She turned the monitor around so I could see it. "Here it is." She pointed her finger at the black oval in the lower section of the frame.  
And then I saw it. And everything changed.  
It wasn't a distant imagination anymore, something that I couldn't grasp. It was real. I could make out two arms and legs and a head. It was smaller than a plum and already looked like a human being.  
"Thank you." I wished Will was there with me. I wished he could see what I saw, feel what I felt.  
"You're more than welcome." She gave me a tissue to clean myself up.  
"Do you already have a maternity log?" She filled out some papers.  
A what? I shook my head, sitting up.  
"Ok then, here you go. Your doctor will fill in everything that is missing when you go there for your routine 12 week check up." She handed me a little booklet.  
"Oh, ok." I hadn't even known that there was something like a routine 12 week check up. I decided it was time to start reading _the_ books.  
"Just sign here and you're free to go." I scribbled my signature on a sheet of paper that confirmed whatever. I didn't care. I was overwhelmed. Still dizzy with the headache, careful when I breathed and completely silent when I thought about the baby. My baby.  
"Oh, and one more thing." She took the booklet from me, clipped something to the third page of it and gave it back to me.  
"Congratulations." She said and held the door open for me.

I found my way to the entrance of the ER again, hiding the log under my shirt behind my back.  
"Everything alright?" Emily asked, carefully taking me into her arms.  
"Yeah. I'm perfect." I said, maybe smiling a little bit too much.  
"So, did you get a picture of your ribs?" Emily laughed, walking me outside where the SUV was already waiting for us.  
"They didn't let me keep it." I joked. Little did she know, I got an entirely different kind of picture...

"JJ?" Emily looked at me when we sat on the plane.  
"What did you do?" I asked. I knew that look.  
"I may have called Will."  
"_What_? I told you not to."  
"I know and I'm sorry but I figured you weren't in the right condition to _make_ that decision."  
I gave her an angry look.  
"Don't worry, I haven't told him anything. I just said that we were coming home earlier than we thought and I noticed you'd had a tough week and maybe he'd consider coming over anyway and so on."  
"And-"  
"And I think he got in the car while we were still on the phone." She laughed. "You've got yourself a great guy, there."  
I knew that. Why did everyone have to point it out to me that day? I knew how great he was and it wasn't like I didn't miss him or didn't appreciate it or didn't want him to be there, it's just... No, control your hormones, I told myself. Keep it together. You almost cried when you threw away that bad slice of pizza the other day, stop overreacting. Stop getting emotional. I breathed evenly again, focusing on the steady pain.  
"JJ?" Emily frowned.  
"Sorry. I'm trying to keep myself from punching you." I lied and winked at her.  
"I guess I deserve it." She shrugged her shoulders. "Anyway, he should be waiting at your apartment by the time we get back. I suppose he has a key?!"  
I nodded. No, but he knew where one was hidden. He'd take the plane that would be at my place at 6 pm sharp, which made him half an hour earlier than me. But he'd be there and that was something to look forward to, after all.  
I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep, listening to the loud sounds of the plane, floating through the sky.  
Hotch felt too bad for me to tell me how wrong I'd acted out there and I was glad for it, like I didn't already know it. Although I doubted that his rebukes could have brought me down from cloud nine. I embraced my purse and the picture in it, when I slowly drifted off...

I held on to the strap of my bag as I climed the stairs to the third floor of the house in which my apartment was located.  
The door wasn't locked. The smell of meat was in the air.  
"Look who's here. The woman that couldn't call me herself." Will put his arms around me, I held my breath while he squeezed me.  
"I didn't need you to come."  
"Of course, tell yourself that. Emily sounded quite desperate on the phone?!"  
"She's exaggerating." I took off my coat. "But I'm glad you're here anyway." I kissed him.  
"_And_ I've got food." He led me to the kitchen.  
"That's good 'cause I almost ate my pillow on the plane."  
"We better hurry then." He pulled up a chair for me. I sat down and waited for him to finish cooking dinner. Steak, steamed beans and potatoes.  
"That looks great." I complimented him.  
"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched." He put a plate down in front of me and sat himself down opposite to me.  
I cut a piece. It was done. There wasn't a single red spot in the middle of it.  
"A sole of a shoe. You shouldn't have." I pursed my lips.  
"Very funny. No raw vegetables or meat for you, you know that." He cut his and revealed a perfect, pink steak, the way a professional cook would have been jealous of.  
But I ate mine without complaining, like a little girl that was forced to eat her broccoli and knew she didn't stand a chance against her mother.

"How was it?" He asked, putting the plates in the dishwasher.  
"I looked at yours and imagined I was eating it while chewing on the rubber. That helped."  
"Only 6 months left." He turned around. I was leaning against the kitchen counter, watching him do all the work.  
The flash of heat went through me again. I'd have to- I'd _want_ to- show the picture to him but how would I explain it?  
"I had planned on being solitary but it really didn't look very mouthwatering." He apologized  
I laughed, wincing a little.  
"Are you ok?" He removed his hands from my waist.  
"Yeah, it's just.." I had to tell him. he would find out anyway. "I got shot." I gave him a moment to process it. "And it kind of hurts when I laugh now." I went on, trying to sound indifferently. Problem solved, wasn't it?  
The mood changed. There was no lightness in the room anymore, all easiness had flown away like a balloon and left us in silence. I immediately cursed Emily for getting me into this situation.  
He pressed his lips together.  
"Please tell me I just misheard you." He said in a calm, deep voice.  
I chewed on my lower lip, waiting for him to react.  
"It's nothing-" I claimed.  
"How is that possible?"  
"That girl was nuts and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and she kind of hit me."  
"She?"  
"She was kind of a woman, standing 20 feet away from me and my maternal instincts won over my reasonable brain and thought it would be a good idea to try out my negotiating skills." I wanted to sound funny but the corners of his mouth didn't even twitch.  
He clutched his fists together until I could see the knuckles through his white-turned skin.  
"I hope you didn't kill her cause I'd like to do that part."  
"Don't worry, Hotch already did. Or Emily, everyone shot at her once she fired the gun."  
"Good. But what I was actually asking is why you could get into a situation like that. Did you really just go out with them like usual?" His voice was weak, quiet.  
"Why wouldn't I? Now that I'm pregnant my life is suddenly too valuable to be risked? I'm not showing, I perfectly fit into the vest and nothing happened." Well, not nothing nothing, but nothing serious.  
"You know that's not what what I think. Your life is always more important than anything only now I have a reason to be this worried about you." Something in his brain flipped. He cleared his voice "You're sure that-"  
"Yes. I had it double checked at the scene and again at the hospital. The baby's just fine. The bullet only hit my chest bone."  
He sighed, closing his eyes as if he was in pain.  
"Look at me." I put my finger under his chin. "I'm fine."  
He shook his head a little, relaxing his face but one wrinkle remained on his forehead, the sight of it was heartbreaking.  
He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. He stroked my cheek with the tip of his finger and moved his hands down my throat, unbuttoning the first button of my blouse, the second, the third, until he could open it to reveal a big, almost black, bruise right between my breasts.  
He looked down again, his jaw tightened.  
"Were you gonna tell me?" He said through his teeth.  
"Yes."  
He looked up at me.  
"Maybe." I corrected myself. "It's just.. I knew you would react like this. I didn't want you to worry when there's nothing to worry about."  
"There's _no_ other way to react! I want that bitch to live again only so that I can dive a dagger into her heart and watch the life leave her face while the blood leaves her body and her heart stops beating." He said in a serene voice. squeezing his eyes a little.  
"Will." I made it sound like an accusation.  
"No, JJ! Nobody gets to hurt you and that has nothing to do with your pregnancy, which is a great excuse to stay in the office, though-"  
"Will." I wanted to make him stop but he shook his head again.  
"No, JJ" he repeated. "This is _unacceptable_." He touched the bruise so lightly it felt as soft as a feather. He traced the lines of it, forming an almost round circle. "I failed. My only job is to protect you and I failed." I swear he was fighting back a tear, which only made me tear up even more.  
"I can take care of myself."  
"Obviously not." He lifted his gaze again. His blue eyes looked black, empty.  
"I'm perfectly fine."  
He clenched his teeth.  
"So that's why I had to come."  
"You didn't have to."  
"Emily was right to call me. And you- and put that in a pipe to smoke it- stop trying to be brave and let Hotch get shot."  
"He has a child, too."  
"But I don't care about him. I don't care about anyone else than you."  
"Can't we just forget about it?"  
"No." He gritted his teeth.  
"Hey, I know what's gonna cheer you up." I went to the hallway to get my purse, the booklet was carefully stuffed in a pocket inside.  
Will didn't follow me as I had expected, he stood frozen in the kitchen.  
I took the picture and walked back to him, hiding it behind my back.  
"Look at me." I prompted. He did. "I'm fine. I'm great. I've never been better and that frown on your forehead kind of brings me down and I would like to stay where I am; on cloud nine."  
He smirked.  
I pulled out the photo and turned it so he could see it.  
His expression turned from disappointed to shocked to happy in an instant.  
"JJ." He gasped, taking it out of my hands.  
"Mhm." I couldn't help but smile widely either after seeing it again.  
"That's our baby." He whispered and there it was again: the glowing in his eyes.  
"That's our baby. I confirmed.  
"I guess I can't be mad anymore after seeing this." He handed it back to me.  
"That was the plan." I put it on the table.  
"I love you." He took my face in his hands. "I love you when you're being stupid and putting yourself in front of armed psychopaths, I love you when you're pregnant and when you're not and I love you when I'm right beside you or far away from you. But don't you do that to me ever again."  
"I love you, too." I put my hands on the back of his neck. "Now kiss me."  
He hesitated. I crushed my lips on his fiercely and passionately.  
It was almost like the bruise had disappeared. As our bodies melted together to one, I might as well have had a broken rib. It didn't matter. I didn't feel any pain. I felt his touch, his skin on mine and nothing else mattered...


	40. Chapter 40

**CHAPTER 40**

_"I love you. That is the beginning, and that is the end. That is everything."  
-Ella Frank_

I collected my mail from the day before. Will was showering, so I turned the coffee maker on and sat down at the kitchen table with a glass of water, the whole tea-thing still didn't appeal to me. Actually, nothing appealed to me before noon, so I didn't really care.. anyway. A few bills, my bank statement and a letter from my hometown. Maria Lewis. God, I hadn't seen her in like forever, why would she write me, where did she get my address and what had happened to the gold old Email? I opened it. Class reunion. Ugh. My face must have given me away 'cause Will asked what the letter said, while entering the room and pouring himself a cup of coffee.  
"A couple of high school friends arranged a class reunion" I told him unimpressed.  
"Sounds fun." He sat down with me.  
"Sounds absolutely horrible?!"  
"Come on. I'm sure it'll be fun to see old faces again."  
"Guess we'll never know." I shrugged and threw the paper away, quite excited that I actually hit the trashcan, but Will pulled it out again.  
"You're going."  
"It's in _Pensylvania_"  
"You've wanted to see your mama again anyway. Does she even know the news yet?"  
"I'm only 10 weeks in! I don't want to excite her... If something happens-"  
"Is that why you wouldn't tell the team? Or your family?" He interrupted me.  
I looked down at my hands.  
"JJ, nothing's gonna happen." He took my face between his hands, forcing me to look up at him.  
"I know" I said, more to myself. Now that it was real to me, I was even more scared of any complications and google didn't really help me calm down.  
"So, are you going?" He turned his head, raising his eyebrows. No. Highschool wasn't my favorite time. I wasn't bullied or anything but I wasn't a cheerleader either and the soccer team wasn't really considered popular, even though I had dated an afore-mentioned football player. It sounded nice to see my family again, though. I could take a day or two off and fly over for the weekend. But it was in 3 weeks, who knew what was going to happen in those 3 weeks. As Will had said before, we couldn't plan more than 5 minutes ahead, only _this_ time it wasn't only about my job.  
"I can come with you!" He offered.  
"Look, I don't really know your job, but I don't think you can just keep taking time off."  
"It's on a weekend isn't it? Normal people don't work on the weekend, remember? Besides, they'll be fine without me. It's just a job. It's not who I am. _This_ is who I am" He ran the tip of his index finger up and down my blue chest bone.  
"I forgot."  
"So, do you want me to come?"  
"No, I'll be fine"  
"Do you want me to be there when you tell your mama?" My mom would probably be thrilled. I was almost sure about that. But it sounded good to have him there, just for my nerves. Besides, she'd have to meet him eventually.  
"Maybe" I admitted.  
"I'll take that as a yes." He concluded.  
"Only if it doesn't inconvenience you!"  
"I don't know your mama." He shrugged. "Perhaps she's going to freak out. I wouldn't want to leave you alone with that."  
"She'll love you." I kissed him, knowing that was not what he'd meant.

"Hey mom, so there's gonna be a high school class reunion, Saturday in three weeks. I thought about coming and.. Uhm.. Bringing Will" I informed her.  
"Ahh" She squeaked and babbled on about all the things we could do together to show him our town and about seeing all the old faces again until I told her that I had to go...

3 weeks later, 13 weeks pregnant and nervous about catching up with my past, I arrived at the airport. My mom was waiting to drive me home, Will's flight would arrive a few hours later.  
I wore a black shirt that covered everything quite well.  
The growing process of my belly was indescribable. It wasn't like I woke up one morning and showed. Because technically, I started to feel fat the moment I found out and it just got progressively worse from there. But I guessed I was lucky that I could still pass at slightly chubby or even just bloated. Nobody would ever comment on my weight at work even though, yes, I was legally bound to have already told them by then.

My mother was happy that I had made time to see her again 'she had already forgotten what I looked like, now that I wasn't lonely and bored anymore on the weekends.'  
"We spoke on the phone almost once a week." I reminded her.  
"Yeah but it's not the same as having you sitting here in my kitchen." She put a cup of coffee on the table. I bit my lip. Will would never find out, I told myself. I deserved it. She sat down opposite to me.  
"Now tell me everything I missed."  
I had promised Will to wait until he was there with us, so I suppressed the urge to tell her.  
"Nothing much. Will and I are going on a vacation in April."  
"What? You didn't tell me that on the phone."  
"It wasn't sure if we could go. We just booked our flights yesterday."  
"That sounds great. Where are you going?"  
"Verona, Berlin, London."  
"Europe again? You do realize that it's a waste of money to visit so many countries in such a short time! You'll be sitting on planes all day."  
"It's fine." And our last chance to go to England, where I had secretly always wanted to go, I added in my mind.  
"You could just visit one at a time and go back next year."  
No we can't, cause we'll have a little toddler running around between our legs and making it impossible to travel the world.  
"I know, but at least now we've seen all of Europe that we wanted to so our next vacation can lead us to a whole _new_ continent."  
"If you say so." She smiled.  
We talked about everything that was going on in our little town, until I told her that it was time to pick up Will.

"So, what does your mystery man look like?" My mother asked when we arrived at the gate, 2 minutes early.  
"He won't be a mystery for much longer." I sighed.  
"I bet he's hot." She grinned.  
"Mom!"  
"I'm just saying." She held up her hands in defense.

I clenched my fingers into fists as we waited for him to appear behind the white wall that separated us.  
My mom cheerfully talked about how happy she was to meet him and how she had imagined this moment for such a long time. I nodded when it seemed appropriate but didn't really pay attention to her, focused on the empty space in front of us. She would like him. Why wouldn't she? She would be happy to find out about my pregnancy. Why wouldn't she?  
When I finally saw his face, my whole body relaxed. It was just me picking him up from the airport as I had already done so many times before.  
A whole crowd of men swarmed towards us.  
"It's definitely the guy in the white shirt." My mom whispered. I suppressed a smile. It was. He was wearing a white V-neck shirt and jeans, his favorite outfit 'cause it only takes him a minute to put together.  
"Hello, William."  
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Jareau." He stretched out his hand.  
"Please, call me Sandy." She shook it. "How was your flight?"  
"Long." He answered, following her silently.

We stood a few feet away from her, while she paid the parking ticket, her back towards us.  
"Hi." He mouthed and took my hand.  
"Hi." I got on my tiptoes to kiss him, quickly, afraid she might turn around.  
"You're sure she doesn't already know?" He whispered in my ear, pressing his lips on my cheek and lightly putting his hand on my stomach.  
"I think she has an idea." I admitted.  
when we drove home, she asked him about everything, from favorite animal and family background to allergies and where he had gone to school. Will patiently answered every question, looking over at me from time to time, as if to say 'why on earth does she want to know that?'

Back at the house, my mother gave him a tour of the first floor.  
"Now, why don't you show him the second floor, where he can drop off his stuff and meanwhile I prepare dinner?" She made it sound like a question but we both knew it was an order.  
"Alright."  
"Sounds great. Thank you." Will said politely.  
"This way." I led the way upstairs. As soon as we were out of my mom's sight, he pushed me to the wall and kissed me. I chuckled.  
"What, are we seventeen again?"  
"Hmh." He leaned down again.  
After a moment I wondered what my mother would imagine if we were this silent, so I pulled away.  
"And this is my niece's room." I cleared my throat.  
"Very interesting." He grinned.  
"That's the bathroom and this-" I opened the door. "-is my room."  
It looked almost the same as it had 10 years ago when I left. I didn't need a new wallpaper for the rare occasions that I was there. Old photos took it's place anyway. They were all over the walls and furniture.  
Will silently paced through the room, looking at the pictures, laughing now and again. "I hope our baby has your eyes." He commented on a framed picture of when I was about a year old, sitting in a pool, stuffing something in my mouth, my mom and dad smiling at the camera.  
"Who's this?" He pointed at the 9 year old in whose lap I was sitting.  
I should have told him before. I knew that I _could_.  
"You can just throw your stuff on the bed." I said, throwing a gum paper in the trash can next to my desk.  
"Don't do that to me, Cher."  
"What?" I played innocent.  
"Go all silent. Exclude me from your thoughts. It's me." He dropped his bag and came closer, wrapping his arms around my waste.  
I knew that it was him and I didn't want to keep anything from him but this topic.. It was just so _different_ from anything I'd ever told him. It was the most personal secret I kept.  
"That's my sister." I said with a weak voice even though I had tried to sound confident.  
"I didn't know you have one"  
"I don't" was my automatic response. He wrinkled his forehead, trying to make sense of my words. "I mean, I did" My voice broke. "She passed away when I was little." I confessed, praying he wouldn't ask. But he did, of course.  
"How?" I could have lied, told him it was a disease or something. But I didn't want to lie. I wanted to tell him. He was the one person I could trust.  
"She killed herself." A silent tear rolled down my cheek, he wiped it away but I just went on talking. "I know I couldn't have done anything, I was a child. But I wonder if I could have seen the signs, told her I loved her more often, if she had rethought it and still be with us today." I grabbed the necklace around my throat that I wore every single time I went home. There was a moment of silence.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Don't be." I pulled myself together. Such a long time had passed and I still lost it every time I talked about her. "So, are you ready to break the news to her?" I took a deep breath in order to calm down again.  
"I am, if you are."  
"You lose that frown and I am."  
He straightened his forehead but I could tell that he was still worried.  
"Seriously, give me that look you had a minute ago."  
"A minute ago, I had no idea that-"  
"-I am completely fine and would like to tell my mother now, without you sitting by my side, looking like this is the worst thing ever." I joked.  
"You know that I'm here whenever you need to talk!" He said in a serious tone.  
"I know." I nodded.  
"Good." He took my hand followed me downstairs.

The smell of casserole welcomed us in the kitchen.  
"Oh, hello. Dinner will ready in a minute." She put the lid back on the pot. "Now, William, do you happen to know anything about wine? I have so much of Jennifer's father's left in the basement."  
"I do know a little bit but I doubt I'll be of much help."  
"Oh, you can't know less than me. Would you be so kind to choose one?" She smiled politely.  
"Sure." He looked at me for help.  
"I'll show you the way." I pushed him outside.  
"You have to tell her soon, or she'll make you drink that." He grabbed the first bottle he saw.  
"Oh yes, she can be demanding sometimes."  
"She's lovely."  
"She already adores you."  
"Let's see how she feels about me once she finds out that I knocked you up." He grinned and read the label of another one. "This one should be fine." He turned off the light, waiting for me to go first.

My mother seemed delighted by his choice and poured us 3 glasses, the meat was already on the table.  
"To my lovely hopefully-son-in-law-to-be." She raised her glass. "Cheers."  
Before taking a sip, I set it down on the coaster.  
"Mom, I, we-" I searched for Will's hand under the table. "-kind of have to tell you something."  
"What's with you and the _'kind of'_?" My mom asked confused, remembering that's how I mentioned Will for the first time.  
"I don't know. It isn't even a kind of situation... Anyway-" I gathered my thoughts.  
"-You're pregnant." She exploded.  
"How did you know?"  
"You _are_? It was just a lucky guess. Oh my God, honey, that's fantastic." She jumped up from her chair and kissed me all over my face.  
"uhm, yes. That's how I imagined you to react." I wiped her lipstick off my cheek.  
"How far?"  
"13 weeks today."  
"This is so exciting, why didn't you mention _that_ on the phone?"  
"Oh, you know, the whole 12-week-thing. And then I thought I could wait another week and tell you in person."  
"Well, I'm just glad you're finally making me a grandma. I'm not getting any younger."  
"You're welcome." I laughed.  
And then she told us what seemed like everything there is to know about being pregnant and raising a child, but according to the thirty books she later gave me, there was much more to it...

**I'm actually really really unhappy with this chapter, I had wanted it to be different when she tells him but it just fit so well now... I hope you forgive me ;)  
Leave a review if you liked it after all.**


	41. Chapter 41

**Soo, I probably won't be updating anytime soon, I'm flying to Italy tomorrow and can't write there. (Yes, it's a school week and yes, the principal actual knows what he furloughed me for. My mom flirted a little with him... But hey, anything for a little sunshine right?!)  
I changed JJ's mom's name, by the way. It's Sandy. (That reminds me of my math teacher! Damn...)**

_"Tell him yes. Even if you are dying of fear, even if you are sorry later, because whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life if you say no." -Gabriel Marquez_

In High school, I was voted most-likely to succeed 'cause I've always been quite ambitious. Before going to a class reunion, you look at your reflection in the mirror and think about how far you've come. About everything you've achieved, and ask yourself if you are where you wanted to be. I looked at the lines of my face, thought back to my short hair and carefree smile. Was this all I'd ever wanted? The truth is, I had never thought I would actually come this far but still, was this it?

"How long's it been since you last saw them?" Will asked, buttoning his shirt.  
"Uhm... I've seen a few of them when I was around town but most of them I haven't even _thought_ of in the past 12 years."  
"And that guy you once mentioned...?!"  
"...Geoffrey. Oh well I definitely haven't _seen_ him since graduation."  
"But thought of him?"  
"A woman _never_ forgets the first guy that ever broke her heart." I told him. They also say that one never stops loving him but I was living proof that that's not true. I could not love him any less, could not regret leaving him any less, could not be any happier about having met Will. Who knows where I'd be today if I hadn't decided to want out of there, just to prove to him that I was someone and it had nothing to do with him.

"I'm just glad he did." Will said from behind, pressing a kiss on my neck, putting both his hands on my belly. For a moment the world was quiet but the ticking clock reminded me that we were already late.

"Ugh. I look like I've really been hitting the doughnut store." I looked at myself in the mirror. He helped me zip up my dress.  
"You look beautiful."  
"You're a suck-up." I slipped into my heels.  
"I'm playing it safe! Who knows what you're capable of with all the hormones flying around in your body." He joked. "Are you ready?" He extended his arm, I linked mine with his and off we went.

Everything looked really fancy in my old gym. They had name tags- as if anyone looked significantly different and, especially, as if anyone cared- and bows around the chairs.  
Maria welcomed us both with hugs but couldn't stick around for small talk because someone had to be yelled at or something. I was glad to be able to silently sit down at the table she had attached us to.  
But, of course, things couldn't stay this peaceful and after only a few minutes of gossiping about everyone I saw and telling Will embarrassing stories about them, Geoffrey sat down at our table.  
"Well well well, if this isn't little JJ." He was accompanied by a blonde woman that looked a lot younger than him.  
"Hi." I faked a smile.  
"This is Aubrey." He introduced her while she presented the whitest teeth any human being has ever had.  
"This is Will." I said cheerfully. They shook hands.  
"So, how are you doing? It's been a while."  
"Yeah. I'm great, how about you?"  
"I can't complain. I mean, I'm having fun at the court and-" He pretended to stretch and put his arm around Aubrey.  
"Oh, you're a lawyer?" I knew he wasn't. He wasn't smart enough for law school.  
"Not exactly. I mean, I'm rather like an assistant. But I'm very important though." He stuttered.  
I felt Will smirk next to me. "I'm sure about that." I said politely.  
"What do you do? Did you really get into law enforcement?" He laughed and I knew he didn't expect what I said next.  
"I did, actually." I pressed my lips together. The goals you made in high school were far away dreams for people in this town.  
"Wow. You really were most likely to succeed after all, it seems."  
I nodded. And he was most likely to never get out of this little town or achieve anything in his life at all. Guess we both won.  
"What is it that you do exactly?" He looked down at his glass of water.  
"I work for the FBI."  
"Seriously?" He almost choked on nothing.  
"Yup."  
"What department?" He asked. Did he really think I had made that up?  
"The BAU, the behavioral analysis unit."  
"Well, you sure sound like an FBI agent." He laughed.  
"Basically, we're trained like any other agent but in addition to that, we're profilers. Which means that we put ourselves in the shoes of the killer and try to figure out his next step in order to get ahead of him."  
"Sounds exciting. Do you like always carry your gun around?"  
"That's such a cliché! I could actually get in trouble for showing it in public when I'm not on duty."  
"So you don't?"  
I shook my head.  
"What is it like? Do you feel like really important now?"  
"Yes, I do." I said sarcastically.  
"Wow, you really did change, Jennifer."  
"What do you mean?"  
"You were this cute, little, innocent soccer girl and now look at your confidence, kicking the nation's serial killer's asses."  
"I'll take that as a compliment." I sighed.  
Thankfully, Marie appeared on the stage to give away those ridiculous awards that you get on such occasions. Traveled the furthest, most recently married, most unusual profession... I didn't receive one, which I was thankful for because the last thing I needed was to present myself in the spotlight, I preferred to hide in the dark.

"So, how long have you two known each other?" I asked Geoffrey over dinner.  
He exchanged a glance with Aubrey. "Oh, you know, we haven't been going out for very long but it... looks... promising." He made it sound like a question.  
"Well then, good luck to you." I said with a bit of pity in my tone, perhaps. Aubrey smiled friendly.  
"May I talk to you in private?" He stood up.  
"Sure." I followed him to the corridor.  
"Listen, what I did all those years ago. That's forgotten, right?"  
"Of course." Not.  
"And I'm really happy that you followed your dreams."  
"Thank you."  
"And..."  
I raised my eyebrows. "Is that it?" I asked.  
"And when that short guy over there is gone, you can... you know... call me and we can catch up..."  
"Definitely." I said and swore myself to really call him if I should ever break up with Will. Meaning that I could delete his number from my phone.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you."

"You know that not a day has gone by that I didn't regret letting you go."

Well it's too late now, isn't it. I didn't say anything.

"That guy, I mean, that's not serious, is it?"

I kept silent.

"Remember how happy we were? We could go back to that."

I remembered. It was a great time. But I learned from my mistakes.

"Can we go back to the table?"

"JJ."

I turned around and went back.

After that, I told him that we had to go because I wanted to talk to some other old friends, which I really didn't but everything seemed more fun than forcing smiles at his bad jokes and pathetic attempts to appear 'cool' or flirt with me. Will and I stood up and before I turned my back on him for good, I looked at him one last time and provocatively put my hand on my belly. He stared in shock, Will noticed my gesture and smiled deceitfully.

"JJ! It's been SO long." Monica, a former soccer friend jelled. Coming out of nowhere, she flinched her arms around my neck.  
"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked shyly and slightly confused.  
"I'm great. How are you? Come, sit down with us."  
"Uhm, ok. This is Will, by the way." We sat down. They shook hands.  
"Where did you move again?"  
"DC."  
"Wow. That's depressing." She laughed.  
"You still live here?"  
"Jap. All day, every day."  
"Are you and Peter still together?" They were the couple everyone's been jealous of. They found each other in 10th grade and were inseparable from then on.  
"Oh yes! He actually knocked me up shortly after graduation so I didn't really have a choice but to marry him. You know how it goes in this little town."  
"Yes." Oh, I knew. It was quite old fashioned and everyone believed it was perfectly normal for the woman to forget everything that thousands of women before had fought for and stay home cooking for the children.  
"We have three of them now. But we're very happy."  
"That's great." I smiled warmly. She'd always been one of my favorites. So honest it was refreshening. It was a pity that we'd completely stopped communicating when I left.  
"And you? Are you two married?" She grabbed my right hand, disappointed not to find a ring. I didn't have to answer her.  
"Do you have any kids?" My hand instinctively reached for my belly as if to protect it.  
"I'm actually pregnant." It sounded like a confession.  
"Really? That's amazing." She rejoiced and, like any other person that I told, she started to talk about everything that I needed to remember and pay attention to and the right brands for diapers and strollers and maternity clothes and so on ad nauseam.

The rest of the evening went by quickly, I _did _have to tell my story a few times but nobody asked any further questions beyond the 'sadistic serial killers' part. When I was tired of being called chubby by everyone and then enlightened about the joys of motherhood, I decided Will had suffered enough and it was time to go home.

"How was it?" My mother asked, still up, when we entered the hallway.  
"Long." I quoted Will, waved her goodnight and danced upstairs.  
"Now wasn't that unnecessary. But just to remind you, you volunteered." I took of my jewelry and turned around to find him standing the doorframe, the door closed behind him, looking at me like I had missed something.  
"What?" I asked.  
He stepped a few steps forward.  
"Marry me." He said calmly, locking his hands with mine.  
"What?" I asked shocked.  
"Marry me." He repeated.  
"I don't want you to propose because I'm pregnant or because some chick from the countryside thinks its necessary. Welcome to the 21st century, where women work and babies are born out of wedlock everyday."  
"I'm not asking you because of little Claire here-" he touched my belly. "-or some random women or social expectations but because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to wake up every morning and see your lovely face! I want to eat your crappy burned food every day! I'll eat pizza 24/7 and I'll stop drinking coffee forever If that's what it takes. I know that, so why not show everyone? The team knows about us, will know about the baby very soon, too. Your mom knows everything anyway. It would just be formalities."  
"No"  
"No?" He obviously hadn't expect that.  
"No. I- we- aren't going anywhere. But I'm not going to accept until I know you've thought this through."  
"I have. I love you and that's all that matters. You can go wherever you want to, I don't care!" He looked me in the eyes. "But I'm coming, too."  
"I love you too." I placed a kiss on his lips, a tear rolled down my cheek. "But that's not all that matters. Now take your imaginary ring and ask me again when you've seen little Will. Who knows what he'll look like? Maybe you'll run!"  
"I'll never run without you and why on earth would we name our son like his father?"  
"I thought because you're dad-"  
"Forget it."  
"So that's a no?"  
"That's an I love you. And that's enough."

I didn't need a ring to show off, I didn't need to squeeze myself in a white dress, which was ridiculous anyway, I was pregnant for crying out loud, nobody would buy the whole virgin thing. I didn't need a piece of paper and no witness.  
I was with him. And nothing else mattered.

So in the arms of the one that gave everything I had reached a meaning, I could say for sure that yes, this was it. And it was perfect...

**AJ actually said that she was afraid people thought she's been hitting the doughnut store :D**

**And, as always, sorry for the weird layout.**


	42. Chapter 42

_**CHAPTER 42**_

**I'm baaaack (yes, that AJ quote was totally necessary). I've been watching cm-youtube videos for almost an hour now so I should be in the right mood :D  
Ha ha, I'm googling pregnancies all day and sometimes I forget to clear my browser history and wonder what my mom would think if she found it...  
It might be a while until I update again, Lo-Fi's next and I'll have to watch the episodes a few times to write it.  
**  
_"Pregnancy humbles husbands. After an initial rush of male pride they quickly recognise the minor role that nature had assigned them in the drama of reproduction."_  
_-Jeffrey Eugenides_

I woke up to find Will staring at me again.  
"Seriously! Stop that." I covered my face with a pillow.  
"Are we never gonna get married?" He asked sadly, his head resting in his hand.  
"It's just a piece of paper." I spoke into the soft fabric with little horses on it, that served as my bed linen.  
"Then what's the problem?"  
"It's a piece of paper that officially makes me an object. _Your_ object."  
"That's so not true."  
"Yes it is. And irrelevant! Our love has nothing to do with being married or not and this child won't be affected by it either."  
"It's an insurance."  
"I got a testament for that... Which I have to edit." I remembered. As soon as the baby would be born, the second I left this planet, everything I owned would be his. I'd have to make sure of that.  
"So we're never getting married?!"  
"Maybe, some day. When you know what you're doing."  
"I know what I'm doing."  
I let out a laugh. "Well then, someday when _I_ know what I'm doing."  
"So someday?"  
"Someday." I agreed, kissed him and tapped to the bathroom to wash the sleep out of my face.

My mom drove us to the airport. We didn't tell her that Will's flight left more than an hour after mine, 'cause she'd insist on waiting with him and he didn't want to inconvenience her. (And I knew, that he was a little intimidated by her and wasn't in the mood to talk about pregnancies for another hour.)  
"Take care of yourself, sweetie. And don't work too much, they'll understand." My mother embraced me. If they knew. I added mentally.  
She turned to Will. "And you take care of my little girl, too. She will need a lot of rest in the next few months."  
"I will." He promised, hugged her back and gave me a look that said. 'As if there was any chance I could make her stay away from that office.'  
"It was _so_ nice to meet you, Will. Visit me soon." She waved goodbye as we walked away to the security check.  
"Your mom's right. Make sure to not work 16 hour days anymore."  
"I'm taking great care of myself _and_ this little lemon that just learned to pee inside of me." I had read that in one of my mom's books when I couldn't sleep the previous night. It could also stretch by now, frown and its legs were too short for the rest of the body but they would grow in the next week. There was some weird stuff going on inside of me and it was best to simply not think about it _too_ intensely.  
He laughed out loud. "If you say so."

"You promise to sleep and _tell the team_!?" He took my hand when we were through with the security and I had to leave.  
"I promise." I wouldn't.  
"Am I gonna see you next weekend?"  
"Yep."  
"We can check out some cribs."  
"Sounds great."  
"I'll see you next week." He kissed me and let go of my hand as I walked to the check in gate.

Back home, I poured myself a cup of juice (because vitamins are so important, bla bla) and curled up on the couch.  
I was only halfway through _'the notebook' _and sobbing because Allie had just gotten together with the guy she shouldn't be with, when someone knocked on my door.  
I pressed pause and peeked through the peep hole to find Garcia waving at the wooden door in front of her, as if she knew that I watched her. "Open up honey, it's me." She sang.  
Damn. I was wearing a tight white top that basically screamed _pregnant_. So I hastily ran to my bedroom, threw on the first shirt I saw, one of Will's that he had forgotten at my place a couple of weeks before, turned over the framed ultrasound picture on my way and ran back to the door.  
"Hi." I said excited and a little breathless.  
"Why haven't you returned my calls?" She complained angrily and walked right past me, into my hallway.  
"Sure, just come in." I joked. "I'm sorry, my phone's still in my suitcase. I just got back from my mom's."  
"Why were you at your mom's?"  
"I went to a class reunion." I explained. "Is everything alright?" She was even more hectic than usually.  
"No. You've been acting really strange lately and now you went to see your mom and you don't answer your phone and Emily said you rarely speak to her, too and that makes me worry if maybe you have a life threatening disease that you're scared to tell us about? Or you're going to quit your job or I don't know, but you're usually not _this_ distant and-" She peeked over at the coffee table. "Are you _sure_ you're ok?"  
"Yeah, why?" I asked, a little overwhelmed with all the questions and allegations.  
"Because you're sitting on your couch eating cookie dough ice cream, while watching one of the saddest movies _ever_ on a Sunday afternoon." She let herself fall on the couch.  
"Uhm..." I searched for a good excuse.  
"You know you could tell me if anything was wrong with you and Will, right?"  
"I know." I picked up a book that I found in the hallway and put it on the pregnancy guides that stood on the table casually, hoping she hadn't seen them already. I sat down next to her.  
"Did he break your heart? I'm gonna crush him like a little fly." He put her hands into fists.  
"No, Penelope. Everything's fine between us. He was actually at my mom's with me."  
"Then what _is_ it? I'm starting to despair and I won't leave until you explain to me, in great detail, what is wrong with you!"  
She looked at me so heartbreakingly that I had to tell her. It was like taking food away from a little puppy. Besides, she said she wouldn't leave otherwise and I knew she meant that and I was really looking forward to my bed.  
"First of all, I don't have a life threatening disease and I'm _not_ going to quit my job." Probably. "But I _am_ facing some... changes."  
She almost cried, her big eyes looked up at me, her lipsticky lower lip already trembled.  
"Pen, I'm pregnant." I said and in those 3 seconds she managed to go from saddest person on the planet to kid-found-out-that-it-was-going-to-Disneyland-happ y.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH." Her scream was so shrill that I was worried the neighbors might knock and ask if I was still alive. _After_ they had called the police. No, strike that. After they had called the _FBI_ because _that_ scream required professional help.  
I covered my right ear with my hand. "Are _you_ ok?" I asked worried.  
"Oh. My. God." Her mouth dropped open. "That is the most exciting thing that ever happened to me." _Technically_, it happened to me. But I was glad to know that I could count on her support and obviously her babysitting. "How long have you known? I mean, that is... totally a baby belly showing under that not very feminine shirt of yours." She noticed suspiciously.  
"Ok, first of all: calm down." I showed her to breathe frequently. "And secondly, this is my 14th week."  
"Ha ha. You broke the law." Was her first response.  
"I know, but I thought since I have such a great friend, that happens to have access to my file..." I pressed my lips together and looked at her hopefully.  
"_Aha_. You're lucky it's a little _baby_ you've hidden, otherwise I would have been quite mad. I had thought we were past this whole secret-thing after Will."  
"_But-" _I put her hands on my stomach. "Since it _is _a little baby."  
Her eyes got so big, under any other circumstances I would have called an ambulance. "I am so putting everything in your file that you want me to." She rubbed her thumb over the pattern of the shirt. "14 weeks. It can already suck his thumb."  
I didn't ask why she knew that. After a moment ow awing and ahing, she pulled herself together again. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
"I don't know. I was scared that you all were going to treat me differently and I didn't want thing to change."  
"Well, I'm sure as hell only touching you two with velvet gloves from now on." She clapped her hands.  
"See, that's what I mean."  
"Do you need my specific skills or not?" She asked seriously.  
"I am actually _expecting_ you to massage my feet every free minute of the day." I laughed.  
"I thought so." She sat up straight. "How's Will coping with it? You didn't really plan this without telling me, did you?"  
"No. But he's super supportive, sometimes I wonder if he really knows what's ahead of us."  
"I'm sure he does. Guys just can't show their emotions properly, something's wrong with their brains. Thank God you have me to take over the freaking out part because you obviously skipped that one." She eyed me almost angrily.  
I bit my lip.  
"Is he moving here?"  
"No."  
"Are you moving _there_?"  
"No." I protested. I wasn't leaving DC even though I considered Will's house my home as well, I liked it even more than my own but the BAU was my second home after all. A home I wasn't ready to move out of yet.  
"Then what? Are you gonna leave the baby in New Orleans from Mondays to Fridays and only feed it on the weekend?" She asked sarcastically.  
"No."  
"No's not an answer."  
"I don't know! We haven't talked about it. But I suppose we will next weekend and I'm sure he'll want me to quit."  
She had that puppy look again.  
"Don' t worry." I reassured her. "I won't!" At least that's what I was hoping.  
"Good." She smiled normally for the first time that evening, sighing. "'Cause I need to see my little god-baby growing." She rubbed her palms together.  
"You're welcome." I said, hoping Will would be ok with Garcia becoming its godmother. But then again, we both knew that nobody could spoil a baby better than this crazy freak in pink heels. She was exactly the kind of fairy-godmother anybody could wish for.  
Suddenly, she was completely silent for a moment and just looked at me. "I'm so happy for you." He lower lip trembled again.  
"Thank you." I said, embracing her and realized that there was nothing to be worried about. The team would be as excited as her and yes, they'd treat me differently, but only because they loved me and obviously knew better than myself what I needed...

**Hope you liked it, leave a review if you did :)**


	43. Chapter 43

_**CHAPTER 43/ Lo-Fi**_

**Aah, I actually really hate this episode but totally love it at the same time (because it's Willifer. There's no way I could not like a willifer episode.) But I don't like the dialogues! First of all, AJ is obviously showing which indicates that she's more than 3 months in and she would have had to tell someone by then. If she is not, she's still in this critical phase and I don't think anyone would go crib shopping at that time. Plus, why would they buy a crib without having talked about where to put it, aka wether to move in together or wether JJ quits or argh... And how ridiculous is it that JJ has to go out on the streets but Rossi gets to stay inside? I also had trouble reading his letter, I used the words I could identify and made something up for the rest. Anyway, this is the best I could do with what I was given. ;)**

_"Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."_  
_-J. M. Barrie_

I sat in my office, gathering my stuff to go home, when the phone rang.  
"Agent Jareau." I prayed it was nobody with a case for us.  
"Hello, this is detective Lamontagne from New Orleans." He said all business-like.  
I smiled. "Oh, hi. I didn't recognize your number."  
"Yeah, I'm calling from my partner's desk, my... uhm... chair broke."  
"How on earth did you break your chair?" I laughed.  
"I'm surrounded by a bunch of _five year olds _here." I could picture him giving his colleagues a mean look. "But they'll have it fixed by _Monday_-" again, he was obviously talking to them "-and that's not why I'm calling. Is tonight still standing?"  
"Of course, otherwise I would have called you!"  
"I'm just making sure."  
"So, what's your flight number?"  
"As usual, 4234. Are you still working?"  
"No, I'm gonna come pick you up." I scribbled it on a piece of paper.  
"Afraid I'm gonna go on the hunt alone?"  
"Yeah, exactly, I can't have you free to pick out a crib without me."  
"I'm paying so I'm choosing but-" I didn't listen any further because Hotch entered the room.  
"JJ, can you get the team together? We have a case."  
"Nothing's come across my desk." I covered the receiver with my hand.  
"This one came directly to me." He left without explaining anything.  
"Just don't head to the airport just yet. I'll call you as soon as I can." I said with a bitterness on my tongue.  
"What? You just-" He sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing. "Ok." He gave in.  
"Bye." I hung up. I hadn't managed to tell the team even though I had promised Garcia, who seemed to be keeping her promise not to tell them herself, though. I had really looked forward to seeing Will and couldn't stand to let him down again but what were my options? I had a contract and I had known what I was signing up for when I put my signature under it. I promised to defend the constitution of the United States of America and I wasn't going to break that promise. Not for something as plain as shopping with my boyfriend.

I checked my watch while Hotch briefed us on the case. New York. That was a short flight but we'd never be back in time. So I texted Will where we were going and apologized again. He didn't reply, which was odd.

Hotch noticed my absence on the plane but didn't comment. I even managed to forget to tell the pilot that we were ready to take off.  
I just couldn't stop thinking about Will and hating myself for letting him down. He had been excited about making some preparations for the baby. If washed been up to him, I'd be reading parenting books and resting and eating healthy food 24/7.  
And why hadn't he texted me back?

Work distracted me from my obsessional thoughts but I didn't feel comfortable leaving the office, with a crazy guy running around shooting random people. I would never admit that, of course. I had chosen this, after all. I had wanted them to treat me normally and decided to keep quiet a little bit longer. And now there they were, putting me out in the field like I was trained to do and I still wasn't happy.

"Look at this, the late edition doesn't miss a beat." Emily picked up a copy of a newspaper while we were on our way to the hotel.  
"JJ." Reid nodded towards the lobby where I suddenly saw Will getting up from a lounge chair.  
"Will?" I was surprised to see him. But also happy. And confused.  
"Hey, took a shot and flew to DC but when it didn't work I figured a train ride was only a few more hours."  
"Detective." Hotch stretched out his hand.  
"Look, I'm sorry for showing up like this, I know you're working." Will shook it, focusing on me again. "But I can't stand you being on this case and me not being near." His words broke my heart as they matched my feelings. "Not with what's going on." Shoot. He had managed to ruined the moment by basically forcing me to tell them. I shook my head just an inch and Will smiled as if to say 'do it'.  
"Is there a problem?" Hotch asked.  
I turned around slowly, wishing I had told them at a more appropriate moment. "I... I'm pregnant." I watched the team's eyes lighten up.  
"Oh my god, JJ. Congratulations." Emily hugged me.  
"I've asked JJ to marry me." Will told Hotch and I felt a flash of embarrassment go through my body. I hated sharing my personal life with the team even if it was inevitable sometimes.  
"Will." It sounded like I was rebuking him.  
"Well, we're working our some kinks." He smiled.  
"I'll give you both some privacy." Hotch said while Reid embraced me, obviously not sure how to deal with the situation.  
"Hotch." I ran after him.  
"JJ, you could have told me." He said, disappointed in my lack of trust in him.  
"I know." But I also saw the pain in his eyes that he had every time he was reminded of Haley, the mother of his child, whom he went through with what I was going to go through, only he would never again and the only reason for it was this damn job. And even though he had chosen this team over her out of free will, even though he regretted it every single day, even though he could give it all up and go home, he stayed. So what guaranteed me that I wouldn't end up like him? Haley never stopped loving him, she just couldn't take it anymore. What guaranteed me that Will could take it? I knew my schedule, I knew what I was signing up for. Did he?  
"Because I understand if you need to take some time."  
"No, I want to be here." I said, trying to convince myself that it was the right thing, becoming less sure with every word.  
"Okay. At 7am." He left. There was nothing more to say.  
I walked back to Will, past Emily's and Reid's happy faces. "Are you _crazy_?"  
He smiled my favorite smile that made it impossible to be angry with him. "I told you I couldn't get any personal time." Ok, I may not have asked, I would have definitely gotten it.  
"Come back to DC with me tomorrow." He took my right hand between both of his.  
"You're not serious." I sighed, pulling up the strap of my bag.  
"They know now. They'd understand."  
"Will, we're covering a case with _six_ murders." If I walked out then, when would I come back? There were always gonna be killers near me. Where was the line? And who drew it?  
"Exactly." He nodded. "This job is too dangerous now." Now?  
"Yeah, exactly like yours. What? Are you gonna give up your shield?"  
He didn't answer. "Look, I love the gesture. And I love the romance. But we're both gonna be parents, Will. And neither of us has, you know, exactly a typical job." At all.  
"Look, the first thing a cop does when she gets pregnant, is she takes herself out of the field."  
I wasn't a cop and I still didn't completely understand why my life was suddenly so much more valuable now that there was another one inside of me. Even though I _did_ feel much more worried about getting shot than ever, for some inexplicable reason.  
"Ok, you know what?" I changed the topic. I was really good at running away from serious conversations. "We only have until 7:00, so can we just argue about names and cribs?"  
"Only if you let me win." He kissed my cheek and pulled me in an embrace.  
"Not a chance." I took in his scent, enjoyed the moment at the one place I was absolutely safe; his arms...  
"So, where's your room?" He took my bag from me.  
I pulled out my key card. "401" I read.  
"Then let's get you some sleep."

"Where does your sudden change of mind come from?" I asked as we waited for the elevator  
"First of all, I've told you that from the beginning. Don't pretend like I don't care. And secondly, I knew you'd need a little push or you'd never tell them."  
"I was planning on telling them!"  
"Yeah, sure. After your water broke while talking an unsub out of setting the house on fire."  
"Very funny." I pushed the button to the fourth floor.  
"You think riding an elevator is dangerous too?" He wondered.  
"I think I'm going to lock you in a cage and drink coffee and eat raw meat for an hour right in front of you if you don't stop right now."  
"Definitely putting it on the list." He smirked. I rolled my eyes.

"What about Catherine?" He asked while brushing his teeth.  
"My sister was called Catherine."  
"Oh, I'm sorry."  
I lightly shook my head. "You don't have to apologize every time I mention her."  
"I know. But I want to. Sarah?"  
"Nah, Gideon's girlfriend was called Sarah."  
"Gideon it is."  
I laughed. "I thought you think it's a girl?"  
"I do! Gideona?"  
"Do you want her to get bullied for the rest of her life?"  
"What do you suggest?"  
"I don't know. Thomas?" I was sure it was a boy.  
"Thomas as in Thomas the tank engine?"  
"You're right. Jonas?"  
"Like the Jonas brothers?" He got under the covers next to me.  
I sighed. "Beckett."  
"David Beckett?"  
I chuckled. "Tobias? No. Not Tobias." I remembered the incident with Reid and shuddered. Not Tobias.  
"Mary?"  
"Oh yeah, so she'll answer every time the teacher calls one of the 13 Marys in class."  
"Well, if you want something special, you have to go for Alberta."  
"I'm not an actress he can still have a slightly common name. Simon."  
"Simon says no."  
"This is going to be _really_ difficult." I turned off the light, pulled the blanket up to my nose and snuggled into him.  
"Don't worry, love. We'll find a name." He kissed my temple.  
"A boy's name." I muttered, closing my eyes.  
"Dream on." He whispered as I drifted off to sleep...

At 6:15 my alarm went off.  
"I hate my life." I muttered, turning it off.  
"As far as I'm concerned, only you are working so... bye..." He rolled over on his stomach and was asleep again a second later.  
I toddled to the bathroom and got ready. Now that the cat was out of the bag, I didn't have to wear black anymore, which was a relief because I'd started to become really depressed.  
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My straight, blond hair, my cheeks that had already gotten a little chubby since I was always too tired to work out but still wearing all day. I was torn inside. On one hand, I really wanted to help the team in every way I possibly could which would be more difficult from then on. On the other hand, it felt good to have them know it because my protective instincts of whatever it was inside of me told me to stay inside and even if I didn't do it for me. I'd do it for him. (Or her, according to Will.) I could do this.

"Are you gonna stay here?" I asked, grabbing my keys.  
"Forever." He disappeared under the sheets.  
"Well then, see you tonight." I was about to tiptoe to the door when he called me back.  
"JJ!"  
"Yes?" I raised my eyebrows.  
He turned back on his back and peeked out from under the blanket like a little puppy. "I love you."  
"I know." I closed the door behind me.

"JJ." Hotch greeted me, serious as always. "See that door over there?" He pointed at the entrance I'd just come through. I nodded. "You go through it before this day is over and you're fired."  
"Hotch-" I cocked my head.  
"You go through it- and you're going home for _good_. Do you understand me?"  
"Yes, sir."

After being bored to death in the office, Emily and Spencer announced that they were going to the crime scene.  
I considered it for a moment. "I'm coming."  
"I'm not sure you're-"  
"I'm _coming_." I growled at Emily.  
"Well then let's get going 'cause I think Hotch is on his way and he won't be happy to find you gone."  
I followed her through the door and although I knew Hotch would never actually carry out his threat, a shiver went down my spine as I stepped on the pavement.  
"JJ, shouldn't you-" Reid was already waiting in the passenger seat. I gave him a look that said 'shut up or I'll throw you out of the car.' He pursed his lips and looked out of the window.  
"Aren't you the pregnant agent?" One of the detectives that got in the car with us asked.  
"Does that mean I'm suddenly more endangered to get shot?" I snapped at him. He opened his mouth but closed it again.  
I was tired of everyone telling me what to do and yes, I liked being safe in the office but I bet Reid had a statistic about Police stations not being much more secure than any other public places. Where there's a will, there's a way.  
Hotch's call reached me the moment Emily drove around the first corner.  
"Seriously?"  
"We have his profile. He won't come back to the scene and just start shooting cops."  
"I don't like you disrespecting authority." He said dryly.  
"I won't let you lock me up for the next 5 months."  
I swear I could hear him roll his eyes. "You know I'm not doing this with a clear conscience."  
"I take full responsibility." I promised. He sighed and hung up.  
"And all that to walk around at a dirty subway station?"  
"I'm sending a message, here."  
The detectives chuckled.

Hotch pulled at my sleeve when I got back. "We need everyone in the field tomorrow, is that ok with you?"  
"Yes, sir."  
"7am!"  
I nodded.

"Look who's back." Will cheered, sitting at a little table, closing his laptop.  
"What have you been doing all day?" I took off my coat.  
"Well, I wanted to hit the city but remembered that some crazy guys are running around and shooting people and it wouldn't be fair if I forbid you to leave the house and then go out myself. I thought about it for a moment, realized that there was no way you would actually keep your promise, went to a coffee shop, did some paperwork, wrote a dissertation, got you a donut and came back here an hour ago. One of the above is not true, figure out which."  
"Well, I hope the donut part wasn't a lie cause otherwise you'd have to get me one now." I threw my shoes in a corner.  
"Ay." He pulled a little paper bag out of his briefcase and put it on the table in front of him. "Now be honest. Did you keep it?"  
I pressed my lips together.  
He hit his fist on the table. "Damn, I really hoped you'd lie."  
"I'm sorry."  
"I wish I could be mad at you." He stood up and put his hands on my hips.  
I smiled in relief.  
"But I've been waiting to see your face all day." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "And time is precious, so I'm not gonna waste it." He opened his mouth and moved his face closer to mine. When our lips almost touched, I drew back an inch. "Can I eat that donut now?"  
He chuckled and pulled it out of the bag. Pink sugar icing and sprinkles. My favorite. I sat down on the edge of the bed, stuffing little pieces of it in my mouth.  
"You wanna know what our little apple's been doing today?" He poured me a glass of water and sat down next to me.  
"Tell me." I took a sip.  
"She formed taste buds, she can now sense light and her lungs are developing."  
"You think he likes donuts?"  
"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works." He laughed. "Do you like donuts?" He said to my belly.  
"Did you just talk to him?"  
"You're supposed to talk to her! It helps you bond."  
I rolled my eyes. "You know who I'd rather like to bond with?" I asked, pushing him down on the bed.  
"I think I have an idea." He pulled me close again, only this time, I didn't choose a donut over him...

When I opened my eyes the next morning and turned off my alarm clock, Will didn't wake up.  
I decided to let him sleep, wondering when he'd leave again, not that I wanted him to, but it was Sunday after all and he probably had to be at work again on Monday.

"Reid and Rossi, you work on the geographical profile. Emily and Cooper, you go to 59th street, Morgan and JJ, you cover Herald Square, Garcia will contact you as soon as anyone moves." Hotch ordered and we all left to the locations he had just assigned to us.  
"One last time, are you sure you wanna do this?" He asked me.  
"Yes." I said confidently.  
"Ok. I tried."

When Emily called to tell us that she had shot an unsub, I was secretly relieved because it meant I was most likely safe and for the fiftieth time that day, I wondered if I would feel like this every day from now on. I wondered if it was worth it.

We got back to the office, told Hotch what we had found out, got new orders and were just about to go when someone called my name.  
"Agent Jareau." A woman approached me from behind and put an envelope in my hands. I thanked her and opened it.  
"Is it from Will?" Reid asked.  
I pulled out the yellow paper on which he had scribbled something.

_Jennifer,  
you won't do what I wish you would anyway, so you don't need me to stay here. I'm flying back to New Orleans tonight... To pack my dunnage and be there for you and our little soon-to-be-the-size-of-an-avocado-baby.  
I don't wanna be in the way but I don't want to wake up next to an empty pillow ever again.  
Take the badge, I don't need it anymore.  
I love you,  
Will_

"He's going home to New Orleans tonight." I read.  
"Are you ok?"  
"He doesn't wanna be in the way." I pulled out his badge and stroked the pattern with my thumb.  
"He's quitting his job?"  
I smiled. He really did it.I thought back to the day I found out and Kerri who had had an abortion because she didn't want to burden her husband even though she knew he'd drop everything for the baby. I had worried that I would be in the same situation but now that I was, I didn't feel very bad for it. It was probably the most selfish decision I have ever made and once the baby would be born, I knew I was going to regret it. But at that moment, I just loved Will so much that it left me speechless. He gave up his life to be a part of mine. Of ours. Hotch came over.  
"Do you need everyone in the field?"  
He considered it for a moment. "Reid, you can go brief Port Authority police by yourself. JJ, you run point from the office. Why don't you go back to the hotel. Tell Will what's going on and then get back here straight away."  
"Yes, sir."  
"And, JJ." I turned around. "Congratulations."  
I didn't thank him. I just walked away.

"I hate to repeat myself! But are you _crazy_?" Will sat in the hotel lobby, waiting for me. He stood up.  
"JJ, I have nothing left in new Orleans. My dad's gone, so's Charlie. You're everything I have. Everything I need. So I'm moving. End of discussion."  
"I want you to be sure of what you're doing. Maybe you should think about it for a while. We're right here. We have time"  
"Let's face it, we _don't_ have time. I want to be there for you! Every day. Plus, we both know that she needs at least one parent to be at home with her or were you planning on paying a full time nanny?"  
"You would really do that? Stay home?"  
"I _will-" _he corrected me "-do anything for you."  
"You're giving up your cozy house in the suburbs to live in a crowded city and change diapers all day?"  
"You make parenting sound like so much fun." He said sarcastically.  
"I can't believe we solved this without a discussion." I noticed.  
"Because I gave in." He reminded me.  
"I love you."  
"That's why we're here."  
I looked around to check if I saw anyone I knew and pulled his face to mine when I didn't.  
"Now, go! I'm sure Hotch doesn't like paying your for making out with me."  
"Yeah, I think he's pretty pissed."  
"And rightly so!"  
"Hey, whose side are you on?"  
"Always yours." He answered the rhetorical question and put his hand under my chin. "Always yours." He whispered, pressing his lips on mine.  
"I don't like you not being near either." I admitted.  
"I know." He traced the scar on my chin with his index finger. "But we'll talk about this over a cup of tea and ice cream while reading the real estate ads in the newspaper."  
"Can't wait."  
"Now get in that car and don't leave the office again until you're flying home."  
"You know I won't do that."  
"I'll never give up." He kissed me and stroked my belly one last time before watching me drive off in the dark New York city night...

**Did you notice how often I wrote that 'a crazy guy is running around and randomly shoots people'? Because I feel like I've written it way too many times... ****Hope you enjoyed it, I watched the episode 5 damn times so if you have any further questions (about their outfits or whatever) I can probably answer them ;D**

**Leave a review if you liked it and motivate me to write 'cause it's been quite difficult for me lately..**


	44. Chapter 44

**_Chapter 44_**

**Thank you all _so_ much for the reviews!  
So, I've decided to bring Will's mom back in the game because... well... because I felt like doing so! Any ideas why she could have left them all those years ago?!**

_"Yet ah why should they know their fate since sorrow never comes too late and happiness too swiftly flies. Thought would destroy their paradiese. No more where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise."  
-Thomas Gray_

"So you were serious about the flowers, huh?" Will picked me up at the airport with a box of chocolate in his hand.  
"About not getting them anymore?"  
"Yup."  
"How could they show my love for you if they die after only a few days, no matter how well you take care of them?"  
"You gave them to me for over a year."  
"That doesn't mean I liked them."  
"What if I do."  
"Sue me!"  
I laughed.  
"My love for you is eternal and so... Well, I just figured you'd like the chocolate even if it's a crappy example."  
"I do." I got on my tiptoes to kiss him.  
"How's the nausea?" He asked, taking my bag from me as always.  
"I bet it enjoys seeing me suffer and starve." According to one of my mom's books, it should stop as soon as I reached the second trimester and 'only a few unfortunate women have it longer or even throughout their entire pregnancy.' I had tried out the whole ginger tea thing but it only helped partly.  
"Guess that means no pancakes in the morning for you."  
"My mind really wants to object."  
"I'm sorry."  
"I hope so." I sighed, getting in the car. It's not like I blamed him for the pregnancy but whenever I _was_ looking for someone to blame, he lost.

"What do you want for dinner?"  
"I don't know, surprise me." I shrugged.  
He pulled out a few ingredients. I sat down.  
"Can we get a big kitchen in the new apartment?"  
I flinched. It was the first time he had mentioned it. It wasn't like the way you flinch when they draw blood from you it was rather like a shot of reality. In a good way, if that makes sense.  
"I suppose I have to learn to cook now, too." I stuffed a few gummy bears into my mouth that I found.  
"Or you could just breast feed her until she's 15 and then make her cook." He turned on the hotplate.  
"Sounds like a plan." I walked around the little table to look over his shoulder and see what he was doing. "You're putting cashew nuts in a pan. I could do that." I observed.  
"Ok, do it. Here's your recipe." He set down the cookbook. "I'll be over here if you need anything." He sat down, biting his lip not to smile.  
"Challenge accepted." I sang and followed the instructions step by step. It's not like I was the worst cook in the world but I've just never found it really exciting to cook large meals for myself and as if the universe had wanted it to be that way, all my ex boyfriends had been great cooks.  
30 minutes and a glass of grape juice (because cooking with wine is no fun without drinking it, according to Will) later, I distributed my work of art on two plates.  
Will rubbed his palms together. "That looks better than I had expected."  
"Ouch." I punched his shoulder and sat down opposite to him.  
"To you." He raised his glass.  
"You know it's bad luck to toast with water."  
"You think God's gonna punish you for not poisoning your daughter."  
"To us." I gave in, smiling and clinking our glasses.

He took a first bite. His expression turned from curious, to excited to actually impressed. "Well, this is a start."  
"What do you mean? It's a wok dish, it's just throwing chopped vegetables into a pan at different times! What did I do wrong?"  
He laughed. "I'm joking. It's delicious."  
I relaxed. If I could cook and save the country from serial killers, I couldn't be such a bad mother after all. Or maybe that's what made me such a bad mother. I sighed.  
"You ok?"  
"Yeah, I'm just so proud of myself, you know." I winked at him.  
"You think it's gonna be different with us?" I got up to put my plate in the dishwasher but Will took it from me and threw it in the sink, wrapping his arms around me.  
"What are you talking about?" He rested his chin on my shoulder. He didn't think I was a bad mother for accepting his offer, right? It was normal for children to have one working parent and what law said that it couldn't be the father?  
"Hotch and Haley. You think it's gonna be different with us because you don't know it any other way." She had met him long before his job meant overtime hours and business trips across the country.  
"Stop!" He wailed. "Seriously, do you do anything else than worry?"  
"Sometimes." I picked up the plates again.  
"Uh-uh, we can do that tomorrow." He nibbled my ear, placing pecks on my neck and shoulder, slowly pulling down the straps of my shirt.  
"Someone wants to take advantage of me while I still look human." I laughed, leaning back my head.  
"Maybe." His lips found mine and he lifted me up in the air, cradling me like a baby.  
I locked my hands in his hair as he carried me up the stairs to the bedroom...

"I suppose you're not joining me for a run?" He came out of the bathroom in his jogging clothes.  
"You're damn right." I took his pillow and covered my face with it. Breath in through your nose, breath out through your mouth, I told myself. Breath in... Breath out...  
I woke up again about 20 minutes later, not feeling much better but a little more motivated to get up.  
I had just sat down at the kitchen table with the local newspaper and a cup of ginger tea (I don't even think the word tea is appropriate, it's hot water with pieces of one of the most disgusting spices in the world in it) when the phone rang. I walked to the living room to answer it.  
"Lamontagne residence." I supposed it was one of his friends, they all knew me.  
"Oh, I'm sorry." An elderly voice apologized. "I didn't know he had a visitor."  
"Can I leave a message?" I searched for a post-it.  
"Uhm. This is William's mother." Her voice broke.  
I dropped the pen I had been holding. "Margaret?" I bursted out.  
She went silent for a second. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"  
"No."  
"And who are you, may I ask?"  
"I'm... Uhm... His... Fiancée." I don't know why I said it. I guess I was afraid she wouldn't take me seriously otherwise. How well did she know him? Would she think I was just another one of his ladies? I was passed the stage of worrying about that myself. I knew I wasn't. But did she?  
"I wasn't aware William had a fiancée."  
Because he didn't. I had no idea what to say and it seemed like neither did she.  
"I'm sure he was going to tell you." I said quietly.  
"Can I speak to him?"  
"I'm afraid he's not here. But I'll tell him to call you back." I sounded a little more confident by then. I opened my mouth to say goodbye when she spoke.  
"You know... If you're not busy next week, you could... I mean... If you _wanted_ to... I'd be happy to host you for dinner." She stuttered.  
"We'll be out of town next weekend but... It sounds like a great idea... How about I call you when I talked to him and we'll arrange something?"  
"Thank you."  
"No problem." I smiled politely as if she could hear me.  
"It was nice to meet you. Sort of." Her voice was still shaky.  
"You too."  
She hung up.  
I _fell_ back on the couch. That was awkward. Had I really just talked to Will's mother, the mystery women that I'd secretly been so curious about ever since I found out about her? In spite of my profiling skills, I'd had a tough time analyzing his face. I couldn't quite tell his feelings for her. There was disappointment, maybe even despise and something else, something between hope and absolute devastation. I knew he was curious about the woman he'd never really known, too but still blamed her for everything he suffered from in his childhood, even though he claimed to have had a great one. But to be in pain and have a great childhood at the end of the day doesn't exclude each other. I had a great childhood yet I was hurting too many times to count. A memory is something entirely different from the way it actually was, the mind changes it in a way so that it want to remember it.  
I wished I could have met his father, I wished I could have thanked him for making such an honest and wonderful man out of Will. But Margaret had everything to do with who he'd become too so I kind of felt like wanting to thank her, too.

"Hello, beautiful." He closed the front door behind him. "How are you feeling?" He entered the room, bent down to kiss my hair -smart man, the sweat was almost dripping from his forehead- and sat down next to me to catch his breath.  
"Better." I said absently, staring at that damn photo over the fireplace.  
"What is it?" He asked skeptical, trying to follow my gaze but obviously not succeeding.  
"Nothing. I'm just hungry." I lied. "So get your butt in the shower and cook me something." I jokingly pinched his side.  
"Are you coming with me?" He leaned in.  
"Nope." I said flirty.  
He chuckled. "Ok then. Hold your breath."  
I pressed my lips together and endured his kiss. He walked upstairs.

I got up to look at the picture closely. After all those weeks of agonizing over why she had left, would I finally get some answers? But why hadn't Will gotten them? Was it only his stubbornness or was she just still keeping it a secret?  
I anxiously played with my shirt until Will finally came down again. I thought about telling him right there but decided to wait until we were eating lunch, that's when he's in his best mood and I honestly had no idea how he would react.

"So..." I put my fork down. "Your mom called." Quick, like a band-aid, seemed like the best way to break the news to him.  
"She what?" His eyes widened.  
I pursed my lips. He had heard me.  
"What did she say?"  
"Nothing, she asked for you and when I told her you weren't there we chatted a little-" Ok, maybe _chatted_ was an exaggeration "-and I told her we would join her for dinner when we get back from Europe." I bit my lip.  
"Why would you do that?" He was calm, maybe a little too calm.  
"I thought because you hadn't talked to her in such a long time, you'd be happy to see her again." I apologized.  
"_See_? I told you she _calls_ once every few months but I never actually _meet_ her." He said almost monotonously.  
"Well, how long's it been since you last saw her?"  
"I don't know, like 10 years." He shrugged his shoulders.  
"10 _years_?" I exploded.  
"Yes, JJ. Ten years. I'm sorry I can't give you a mother in law that takes the children every other weekend like you always dreamed of but I just _don't_."  
"This is not about me."  
"Then what _is_ it about?" He raised his voice a little.  
"I don't know! Answers? Don't tell me it doesn't bother you because I can see that it does and don't tell me that you don't give a damn about her because I can see that you do, so stop lying to yourself and face her!"  
"You have no idea what happened."  
"Then _tell_ me." I urged.  
"I don't know it either."  
"So what's the problem? Are you too proud? Do you want her to believe that it leaves you cold, that you didn't mind her going away?"  
"Maybe I just do it like you. Maybe I just run away from everything but even if I do, that still doesn't make it _any_ of your business."  
"Hey." I put my hand on his but he pulled it away. "I'm right here. You're not alone in this."  
He rolled his eyes.  
"I had to face my past, now it's your turn."  
"There was nothing you had to face despite not having been a _cheerleader_."  
"Well then it's still time for your to face yours. I know it's been burdening you and I wanna do something to help but the only possibility to get it off your shoulders seems to confront her!"  
"I have nothing to say to her." He growled.  
"Look, I don't have to come. You two can talk this out privately." I offered.  
"No." He looked down at his hands. "If anyone can get me to talk, it's you." He admitted shyly.  
I smiled satisfied. "See? You just needed a little shove."  
He rubbed his forehead. "You're lucky you're with the baby, I really felt like yelling at you."  
"I'm sorry." I pressed my lips together. Maybe I had gone too far by deciding this over the top of his head but seeing his reaction, it seemed like he was secretely a little thankful. Besides, he'd have at least 3 more weeks to prepare himself of which we'd spend 2 exploring his favorite continent so he was not in the condition to complain.  
"Don't be." He continued eating his noodles that had gone cold by then in silence...

**Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it :) I am SO excited about Nanny Dearest on Wednesday and I got a 4 day weekend so I'll probably be spending it rewatching the episode and using the inspiration to write a happy next chapter!**


	45. Chapter 45

_**CHAPTER 45**_

**I don't think I need to say anything about Nanny Dearest. We all know that it was beyond words. I swear I was sobbing for 30 minutes after watching that scene (and then I watched it again and again and again...) hahaha hope to see more of it in Season 9.  
Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time, I had the worst writer's block ever, I literally stared at the empty sheet of paper for hours. As always, I couldn't be unhappier with this chapter, especially the end, but I hope it makes a little sense. Enjoy it **

_"The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers."  
-Thich Nhat Hanh_

"Have fun." Everyone waved goodbye as they left for the airport. Again, I didn't like the feeling of them leaving on a case without me but the excitement for the trip overweighted.  
I knew exactly where we were going and I was a lot less nervous than last time. I left it all behind me...

Will's flight arrived exactly two hours before the one to Italy departed so I drove to the airport by myself. Technically, I wasn't all alone but I refused to think of myself as two people. I liked that there is no difference between the plural and the singular 'you' so I never knew if people referred to us or me and I was happy about that. It was the size of a huge tomato and didn't have a sex yet, let alone a name, after all.

Will pulled a small suitcase behind him. I imagined him packing it; two shirts, jeans and an umbrella for England.  
"What, did you bring clothes for the baby as well?" He commented on my suitcase, raising one eyebrow.  
"That's just because _you_ packed my bag last time. A woman's mind works differently."  
"More complicated." He added.  
"Did you come here to insult me?" I teased him.  
He kissed me. "No." He whispered and leaned down again

We got through security quickly. They checked if I was really pregnant and I wondered how many people had tried to snuggle bombs on a plane by hiding them in a fake pregnancy belly. Just for a second I imagined a case like it And got lost in my mind. I wondered what statistic Reid would know about it and-  
"You ok?" Will stuffed a newspaper in his bag, sat down next to me and took my hand.  
"Yeah." I shook my head to clear it. "I'm really happy we're doing this." I said honestly.  
He smiled. "Me too."  
"So..." I cleared my throat. "I'm gonna ask this because I have to. How does a detective earn enough money to take his girlfriend, who, by the way really feels like she owes him something, to Europe? Once a year."  
"I was hoping you wouldn't ask. First of all, I'm a very good detective and I inherited quite some money from my dad so don't pretend that I'm poor and secondly... The tickets might have been a gift." He tried to read my expression.  
"From your other girlfriend?" I laughed and seriously wondered who he knew that could afford to give it as a gift but came up with nobody.  
"My best friend from college flies a lot for his job and gave me his miles so technically, I didn't spend anything so you don't owe me anything. Which you don't, either way."  
"And he just gave them to you because you asked so nicely? Does he even know me?"  
"He owed me!"  
"Like big time." I pointed out.  
"I guess you could say that." He agreed.  
"What? Did he rape a woman and you covered it for him?" I guessed and thought about how fast I could run in my condition.  
"No, worse, he lived with me for 4 years in college and didn't give me a dime for the rent."  
"Oh well then he really does owe you." I admit, I was a little relieved.  
"See."  
"But you still took credit for the tickets." I laughed.  
"I knew you wouldn't want it if I told you."  
"That's true."  
"Could you afford it?"  
"Yes." I said confidently.  
"And then still afford a new apartment? Oh, and a baby."  
I went through my finances in my head. I wasn't paid very well, especially since I was only a media liaison but it had always been more than I needed, even if I went out to fancy dinners with my friends from time to time and flew to New Orleans every other weekend. But plane tickets to Europe weren't exactly cheap and the bigger apartment would probably-  
"I thought so." Will said satisfied.  
"Well anyway that guy must still be very, very nice or in love with you." I gave up.  
"It's a little bit of both, I guess." He shrugged.

The flight was long but I managed to sleep most of it, due to my head being all messed up with the time zones, I even ate some banana pancakes for "breakfast."  
When we had about an hour left and I couldn't get comfortable again, I pulled the headphones out of Will's ears.  
"Entertain me."  
He laughed and pressed pause on the screen in front of him. He was watching something that looked like an action movie.  
"Have you already learned Romeo and Juliet by heart?" He nodded towards the book in my bag.  
"I got till the part where Romeo has to leave and then I fell asleep for the 40th time while reading it and gave up. I mean seriously, they're like 13 and have known each other for how long? A day? That's ridiculous." I complained.  
"It's love at first sight." He countered.  
"No. Love at first sight is Dharma and Greg style; meet on the subway, get married on the same day, fly to Reno to eat some pie, fly back to San Francisco to meet the in-Laws, break up and get back together within an episode of 21 minutes."  
He sighed. "I don't see a difference."  
"Well, they were no children, for a start."  
"Love doesn't know age."  
"That's what someone would say that has a 5 year old chained to a bed in his basement. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."  
He lightly pushed his elbow in my side. "Well if you don't wanna see Juliet's balcony then we can just ask the pilot to turn around again and spend a week on _your_ balcony."  
I chuckled. "Garcia's gonna like that when she comes over to collect my mail."  
"Hey, she can join the party! I don't mind." He leaned closer and whispered into my ear. "As long as she leaves again when it gets dark."  
"You're not good at sharing, huh?" I turned my face to look at him.  
"Damn right." He kissed me.  
A stewardess cleared her throat, pushing her little cart forward. "Would you like anything else to drink?"  
I felt the heat rise up in my cheeks while Will casually ordered two coffees, in contrary to me, obviously not embarrassed at all. He set the hot cup down in front of me and poured tons of sugar and milk in it, the way I liked it.  
"Coffee?" I asked disbelieving.  
"The exception proves the rule! It's gonna be 9am when we arrive, trust me, you need it."  
"I'm not gonna say no to that." I took a sip and tried to take in as much of the taste as possible since I was sure that this would be the last time for another few months. I took the book out and flipped to the page where my bookmark was. I leaned back in my uncomfortable economy class seat and looked out of the window for a moment. The sun had already risen. It was so beautiful. Will continued watching his movie and I relaxed while reading more about two children that had already found true love. I may have even been a little jealous, the idea of loving the same man from such a young age sounded appealing but when I got to the oh so famous ending, I decided I chose my happy ending over theirs...

**Sorry it's so short, I trust the next one will be longer, if I find the time.  
Hope you liked it anyway :)**


	46. Chapter 46

_**CHAPTER**_** 46**

**Thanks for the reviews! Only about 3 weeks left until I can update more frequently again :) I have a math test tomorrow that decides if I pass this semester or if I have to do it all over again next year and I'm sitting here, imagining non-existing-****people's trip to Venice... whatever**

_"Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake- its everything except what it is."  
__-__William Shakespeare_

Juliet's balcony was a little less spectacular than I had imagined it, to be honest. But to stand at the exact spot where what is known as one of the most romantic love stories of all time is supposed to have taken place was kind of magical.  
There were so many tourists even though it was off season and it was difficult to imagine a smoochy atmosphere with all the cameras clicking and people shoving to touch the bronze statue's right breast because it's supposed to bring good luck for your next love. I didn't think it was necessary to get in line.  
The flash of Will's camera blinded me for a moment. "Do you wanna take a picture with her?"  
"Nah, I'm pretty sure even more luck is unhealthy." I smiled, kissing him fleetingly.

"What's next on the agenda?" Will checked his clock. It wasn't even lunch time yet.  
"I _think_ he's craving something sweet." I licked my lips.  
"We could get you some ice cream?!" He proposed.  
"I won't say no to that."

We walked around the corner into one of the typical Italian alleys. He took my hand and showed off with his knowledge about Shakespeare because he took a seminar on english literature in college, when suddenly a barking dog jumped out of a house. I let out a loud scream and stumbled over a stone but Will caught me. Memories of Tobias Henkel flashed through my brain. An indescribable pain spread in my stomach as I buried my face in his chest, keeping my eyes closed, hoping I had only imagined it. The dog ran off as soon as I'd started screaming.  
"What is it?" Will put his arms around me protectively.  
"Is it gone?" I gasped.  
"Yes, are you ok?" He asked worriedly.  
I turned around, keeping him in front of me like a shield and peeked over his shoulder. It was nowhere in sight.  
"I'm fine." I reassured him, trying to catch my breath.  
"At least now I know what we're not getting her for her 5th birthday." He wiped a tear of shock from my face.  
"I don't mind dogs. As long as they don't bark and jump out of nowhere."  
"Or breathe." He said sarcastically and took my shaking hand. "Do you mind telling me what this was about?"  
I considered telling him the truth but he'd only want to know all the details and then feel bad because he wasn't there to protect me. "I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders. "Guess it just scared me for a moment."  
"Let's hope ice cream can calm your nerves down." We walked through the little typically Italian alleys where big women hung their laundry up on a rope that was stretched between two windows. It was pleasantly cold in the shade, in opposite to the sun where it felt like I was burning because pregnancy hot flashes obviously weren't bad enough.

There was a nice round plaza where I ate my chocolate ice cream. "It's definitely a boy." I sighed sitting down next to a fountain.  
"What makes you say that?" He stretched his legs out in the sun.  
"I never liked chocolate ice cream! I used to love everything fruity."  
"Maybe you'd not be eating ice cream at all if it were a boy. Maybe he'd want steak and vegetables all day."  
"You just gotta hold on for two more weeks until I'll prove you wrong."  
"Ha. Good luck with that." I laughed. Everytime I looked at that ultrasound picture I picture a boy. Even though the doctor hadn't been able to identify the sex yet,_ I_ was the one hanging out with it 24/7 and whenever I closed my eyes, I saw a little blue eyed looking up at me. And not to get all spiritual now but we had a kind of connection already that just told me I was right. Don't judge me, I'm alone a lot. The baby had been sitting in the tailor's seat during the last examination and Will was sure that only girls did that until I caught him sitting on the floor in the tailor's seat, going through some boxes and looking for his baby album.

The rest of the day went by quickly. There were just so many places to go to and new pages seemed to magically appear in our travel guide whenever we thought we'd seen it all. Totally exhausted we arrived at our hotel after dinner. I changed into my pajamas and fell on the bed.

"Only 13 more days to go." I sighed and fell asleep before Will could answer...

**Thanks for reading. I hope you liked it although it was so short! Finger's crossed I won't screw up the exam tomorrow and focus on writing again!**


	47. Chapter 47

_**Chapter**_** 47**

**Thanks for the reviews. So... I've literally been staring at this document for like a month now and I just can't come up with ANYTHING at all so I'm gonna fast forward/skip this trip a little 'cause I kind of wrote that by accident, this whole 'do you wanna see Verona'-thing, without thinking about the consequences and I honestly have no idea what to write, especially since they've been to Italy already. Now this is me trying to get out of this situation. I'll probably write it out of the story sometime soon hehe. :D Hope you like it anyway. The next chapter will be longer and up much sooner!**

_"I possess so much, but my love for her absorbs it all. I possess so much, but without her, I have nothing."_  
_-Johann Wolfgang Goethe_

It feels like 13 days go by so much faster when you're not earning any money but spending it instead. The time flies right by.

"You know, I even dare to say that I even learned a little more about the profiles of psychopaths after reading all those memorial plaques about Hitler in Berlin and doing the Jack the Ripper tour as well as visiting the London dungeon." We sat at the airport, waiting to board and after I had successfully suppressed all thoughts of work for 9 days, I couldn't stop them anymore.  
"You know, maybe if Jack the Ripper had never existed, that woman's profile would have been much harder to make and you would have had to stay longer."  
I knew what woman he was talking about. The case that brought us together almost 2 years earlier.  
"Maybe you are so annoying to work with that I would have never come back if I had to stay longer."  
"That was quite a tough week until I got to see you again."  
"Oh well it paid off because now I'm staying a while longer than a day or two."  
"Forever." He breathed against my lips.  
"Sounds good to me." I kissed him but felt the stares on my back so I pulled away. (At almost 30 you're considered too old to kiss in public and a 16 year old eyed us very strangely, signalizing us to stop.)  
"How twisted is it that we get all romantic and cheesy about the world's most famous serial killer?" I laughed.  
"Like someone could get romantic over anything else with you." Will muttered.  
"Ouch." I lightly punched his side.

"We're going home." I sighed. "You know what that means?"  
"You have to get up all by yourself because I'm not there to pull you out of bed anymore?"  
"I was gonna say that and things are gonna get real now."  
"You deny reality a lot for someone who lives in it."  
"I try my best." I joked.  
"Seriously! There's nothing to worry about. Things are gonna get real and different but also great and exciting."  
"I know." I bit my lip, mentally listing all the things I did worry about.  
"You don't sound convinced."  
"I'm working on it." I said a little anxiously.  
He chuckled. "Oh where did you go wrong." He put an arm around me.  
Definitely somewhere, I thought and smiled to myself.

"Flight 6824 to Washington DC is ready to board." A woman announced.  
We got up and handed her our tickets.  
"Have a nice flight." She checked and gave them back to us.  
"Pregnant." Will muttered under his breath while walking to the plane.  
We had a new game that we called 'pregnant or fat' and it's pretty simple and goes exactly the way it sounds.  
We would sit in a cafe or on a bench or wherever and basically make fun of other people, guessing if they're pregnant or just fat and let me tell you I really wish for some of those women that they were pregnant. I know Will invented it to make me feel better about the weight I had gained, which was "absolutely invisible to him" but in the end I think he enjoyed it quite a lot himself.  
"No way." I giggled.

"I don't wanna go home." I leaned my head against Will's shoulder once we had taken our seats on the plane.  
"I know."  
"What if we don't find an apartment?" We had 3 different views of apartments scheduled after our arrival and I had two more the next week when he would already be back.  
"Don't be so pessimistic! It's all gonna work out." He comforted me, kissing my temple. I closed my eyes, praying he was right, the sound of his calm voice put me to sleep before we had even taken off.

The smell of my old familiar hallway welcomed us as we got out of the cab.  
"Not going to miss this place." I had lived there ever since I first moved to DC but never really liked it. I had tried to make the best out of it yet it never quite became the home I had always dreamed of. The home that Will's house had become after only a few months. A place that smelled of flowers instead of case files and coffee.  
"Home sweet home." Will turned on the lights and lifted our bags inside.  
"I already miss the sun." I said grumpily, he grimaced. It was about to rise but I knew it would never be as hot as it was in Italy although it could keep up with England, where we hid under an umbrella on most of our pictures.  
"You wanna take a nap?"  
"I'm fine." I insisted. I had slept so much on the plane I was actually wide awake which had become a very rare yet pleasant feeling. As the books had predicted it, the second trimester had been very enjoyable in general and I didn't have many complaints in opposite to the first one.  
"Just don't overdo it." If he could, he'd probably wrap me up in bubble wrap and feed me cooked vegetables while massaging my feet and asking me if I'm tired every thirty seconds.  
"I'm _fine_."  
He held his hands up in defense and nodded but I could tell he didn't believe me.  
I followed him to the bedroom where he had already put the suitcases on the bed and immediately started unpacking, throwing my clothes on a pile to wash the scent of the ocean away and let it become a distant memory while oh so feared reality brought us back down to earth where we were about to pack our individual lives up in boxes and start our collective life as a family...

**I also spent quite some time writing Hit&Run from JJ's POV because I couldn't wait anymore until I was that far with this story since we're still somewhere between season 3 and 4, so check it out if you're bored.**


	48. Chapter 48

_**Chapter 48**_

_"Wasn't that the definition of home? Not where you are from, but where you are wanted"  
__-Abraham Verghese_

"Are you ready?" Will called from the kitchen.  
"Just a second." I closed the closet, grabbed my coat and met him at the front door. "Let's buy a house."

The owner of the first house, called Miranda, met us there herself. We had found it in the newspaper and never met her in person and I was surprised when I saw that she was pregnant too but much further along. She wore a black shift dress and heels that made me wish the ground would open and swallow me up. I already looked like a whale at 4 months and she was probably gonna go to the Oscars a day after giving birth.  
So I was already a bit grumpy before we even saw the inside of the first house. Moreover she greeted me as Mrs. LaMontagne and obviously judged me when I told her we weren't married. How old fashioned was everyone that this was such an issue for them?  
Will put his hand on the small of my back as we walked up the stairs to the front door.  
"Ok, so this one has two stories and one more room than you requested but it's a little older so it still matches your price offer." She rummaged through her bag, looking for the keys.  
"Here we go." She unlocked the door and let us walk in first.  
The inside was small and dark. The walls were damp, yellowy and dirty.  
As soon as we had entered the living room, Will and I knew that this wasn't gonna make it to the short list but we patiently followed her as she showed us around.  
When we got to a tiny room, which she announced as the bedroom, she made a grimace. "Unfortunately, there is only space for one nightstand but I believe you will be just fine" She faked a smile, her teeth were bright white, proving my Oscar theory.  
"Oh, I'm sorry. We wouldn't have enough space for the gun safes." I apologized politely maybe a little bitchy but don't judge me, I was pregnant and she looked like a supermodel. She didn't reply, looked at us strangely and walked on to the kitchen. Will and I high-fived behind her back. Bam, guess she didn't see that one coming.  
The rest of the house was quite shabby too, I wondered how long ago she'd lived there.  
"Thank you." We both shook her hand. "We will get back to you if we're interested."  
She tottered to her Porsche.

"Well... That was... interesting." Will held the car door open for me.  
"Let's see what the realtor has for us." I sighed.

The realtor, April, of whom I at least knew that she wasn't pregnant, was already waiting at the next apartment because Miranda had talked for so long.  
Again, we shook hands and greeted her friendly. I liked her from the start.  
"The previous owners have already removed almost all of their stuff, I could get you the keys by the end of next week." She showed us the hallway. It was bright and the carpets seemed clean but there was something about it that just wasn't it either. The other rooms were pretty too, big but still not how I'd pictured it. I was living in a fantasy in which I just felt a connection the moment I walked in.  
"I like it." Will said after the tour.  
"Me, too." I nodded half heartedly.  
We waited while April locked the door. She gave us the location of the next apartment and drove off.

"It doesn't have an elevator." I said once we'd gotten in the car. "I'm not gonna carry that thing up 3 flights of stairs every day."  
"Yeah and there's no park or playground anywhere near." Will agreed and just like that we had made our decision.

"Lucky number three." He took my hand as I got out of the car.  
The apartment was located near the city center, yet even closer to the bureau as my previous one had been. A black fence surrounded the green lawn of the front yard. It had two stories but the one on the second floor had apparently already been taken.  
"A young couple just moved in here too." April moved a cardboard box aside in order to get to the door.  
"Did you hear that? She called us youngQ" I whispered to Will. He smirked.  
When she opened the door for us to enter, I could see it. As we walked from room to room, I pictured our lives. Again it was very bright and open, there was a big bathroom with a bathtub next to what would become our bedroom and a smaller room that we'd turn into the nursery. It was close to our room and had a bathroom of its own next door. The kitchen had just been renovated and never used. Not even a sandwich had ever been made on this counter. The living room was huge, it would have enough space for all of our books and a small corner could be used as the dining room. With every step I took it became more real and more alive, I saw us cooking turkey together on thanksgiving and singing christmas carols under the christmas tree in winter, sitting on the couch, drinking hot chocolate and watching the snow fall.  
The imagination of it was so perfect it made me wanna cry again.  
April's phone went off. "I'm sorry, I have to take this." She excused herself and left.  
"I think I'm in love." I sighed, looking around me.  
"Well that makes two of us." He wrapped his arm securely around my waist.  
"You wouldn't have an extra room to set up your office."  
"Why would I want to work when I come home to _this_ place?"  
He looked me in the eyes for a moment and just smiled, obviously proud that I had seriously just chosen something over work.  
"So, what do _you_ say?"  
As a response, he leaned forward to kiss me softly. "I'd say welcome home."  
A tear escaped my right eye after all. At first Will looked a little worried but then he wiped it away with a gentle move. "Hormones was really the _last_ thing you needed any _more_ of." He joked.  
"I'm an emotional human being. Get over it." I laughed.

"I'm sorry about that." April walked back in, putting her phone back in her handbag. "Ok. I'm showing this to another man tomorrow so I'll give you time to think about it but just that you know, first come first served you have no privileges because I showed it to you first. The person who-" She said professionally.  
"That's good cause we're taking it." Will interrupted her.  
"It's perfect, isn't it?" She smiled as if she'd known all along that we wouldn't resist. "Well I have the contract here with me so if you wanna sign them right now, I could give you the keys by tomorrow."  
"Sure." Will stretched out his hand to take the papers from her.  
"_Now_?" I asked a little shocked.  
"I know you love it, too." He reminded me.  
"I do but I also love thinking things through." And then I saw us again, sitting on the porch drinking ice tea and looking at the busy street as if it were the countryside of Pennsylvania, our child playing in the yard, kicking a ball or dancing ballet and I wasn't afraid anymore. Of commitment, of buying an apartment I'd seen for the first time only half an hour earlier. I was ready to start my life with Will and I didn't wanna wait even one more day. "No more running away, huh?" I took a deep breath.  
He nodded and kissed me quickly. It was just a peck but would forever be the kiss that sealed our sales contract.  
He signed it. "Well if you don't sign now it's gonna be _my_ apartment and I doubt you'd happy about that."  
I took the pencil from him and scribbled down my name. "Happy?"  
"Very much." He smiled and kissed me again even though he knew I hated kissing him in front of other people. But at that moment we simply didn't care.

"We bought a _house_ today." It only took me about 3 hours to realize it.  
"Are you having second thoughts?" Will came out of the bathroom.  
"No it's just so... _surreal_."  
"Well, _technically_ we only bought the first story of a house anyway."  
"Are you insulating my house?" I snapped at him.  
"I would never." He moved the blanket aside and got into the bed next to me.  
I rested my head on his chest, he put an arm around me and gently rubbed my back.  
All was quiet apart from the traffic and a few pedestrians outside, laughing as if they were even the slightest bit as happy as we were.  
"He better not sit in the Taylor's seat next time cause I need to prove to you that it's a _he_ so we can start picking out a color for the nursery."  
"You're not gonna give up, are you?"  
I was gonna agree when something didn't feel right. I grabbed Will's hand and gasped for air.  
"What is it?" He sat up. "Are you ok?"  
I sat up too, put both my hand on my belly and went through every abnormalities I'd ever read about, comparing the feeling to the descriptions until I found a match. It was like... _butterflies_. My horrified expression was taken over by a wide smile.  
"Mind telling me what's going on?" Will asked confusedly.  
"He's kicking."  
"He's _kicking_?"  
I nodded, took his hands and placed them on my belly. He couldn't feel it if not even I had but he was smiling anyway.  
"She's probably dancing."  
"You're not gonna let this alone, huh?"  
"Nope."  
I lay back down. "What if _he's_ dancing?" I asked rather myself.  
"I couldn't love him any more or less than I already do."  
"Well that makes two of us." I fell asleep with both our hands on my stomach, protection whatever it was that gave me butterflies all over again...

**Hope you liked it and, as always, tell me what you thought of it :)**


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

_"When you create a soul, plant the seeds of love with your thoughts, words, and actions . The soul flourishes among the flow-ers of love."_  
_― Revathi Sankaran_

"Are you gonna help me pack next weekend?" Will asked when it was time to say goodbye at the airport.  
"I promise."  
"Don't make promises you can't keep." He said slightly sad.  
"I'll be there." I repeated. "I promise."  
"I'll call you when I landed."  
"Safe flight." I kissed him and as if it was saying goodbye too, taking over the part of the butterflies, the baby kicked again. So gently that it was almost like a stroke. I startled a little at the still unfamiliar feeling but then smiled. "See you soon" I added before he left.  
I watched him walk through security and for the first time I didn't feel left alone after he was gone.

The worst thing about a vacation is going back to work once it's over. I may love my job but I'm only human after all so I was not too thrilled when my alarm went off the next morning.  
I was upset to find that I didn't really fit into my normal blouses anymore and reminded that I'd have to start shopping for maternity clothes soon because my pants were not really happy about me wearing them either.  
I slipped into my most comfortable shoes, poured hot water over my tea bag and grabbed the mug, starving but having to leave in order to arrive on time.

8:30am sharp I pulled into my parking spot at the bureau.  
"Look at _you_." Emily approached me, pressing a button on her keys to lock her car. "2 weeks gone and you're all... Pregnant." She embraced me. I chuckled. We walked to the elevator.  
"I know I don't seem to be able to stop it from growing." I said sarcastically.  
"Aww. How was your trip? All I got was _one_ picture of Big Ben."  
Oups. I admit that I do not really think of my friends very much when I'm with Will. I wondered if that was ever going to change and if so- would it be a good or a bad thing?  
"I know I'm sorry I didn't have my phone with me most of the time so I couldn't take any photos and you know the roaming charges overseas are insane so-"  
"I shall forgive you." She winked. "Now tell me _everything_! Where did you go, what did you do, how is the baby?"  
"It's great. It kicked for the first time on Saturday."  
"Oh my _god_." She shrieked. "How did it feel?"  
"It was kind of magical." I admitted.  
She made a face that was something between happy for me, thankful that she could still participate at a Victoria's Secret show and a teeny tiny bit envious.  
"Oh and you know.. we bought a house." I tried to say it casually.  
"You bought a _HOUSE_? I haven't spoken to you in 14 days and you come home with a rocking tan, a kicking baby and a HOUSE?"  
"It's just an apartment, really. And it all happened so quickly I'm glad I could keep up myself." I laughed and told her the entire story from the beginning, from the day we left Washington till that morning when I struggled with my pants.

By the time we had reached my office I was through with the story and she seemed satisfied with the few details I'd given her.  
A small brown paper bag and a glass carafe with something that looked like orange juice waited on my desk.  
"Uhm." I looked around me, there was nobody in sight but then I heard heels in the hallway and that walk could only belong to one person.  
"JJ" I felt Penelope's arms around me before I even saw her. "Look how _big_ he grew." She said too, probably even more squeaky than Emily.  
"_He_?" Emily asked.  
"We don't know for sure yet." I told her but Penelope was already talking again.  
"This is a homemade mango smoothie because you two need vitamins and a roast beef bagel because red meat is good for the folate development." She handed me the paper bag.  
"Thanks." I took it from her, surprised at how much she knew that I had never heard of before my pregnancy, to be honest.  
"Do you know he's the size of a mango now?"  
"I do and I find it highly strange that _you_ do, given the fact what you prepared me for breakfast."  
"I know it's kind of funny, right?" She grinned. "Now sit down you should not be standing so much." She steered me to one of the chairs and sat down on the opposite one. Emily followed her lead.  
"I drove here in my car, I didn't run, I'm perfectly capable of standing for 2 minutes." I laughed at how overprotective she was.  
"Which are over now. So sit and eat and tell me what our little- or shall I say giant- stone fruit is up to." She urged so I told the entire story I had just told Emily again until Hotch knocked on my door, welcomed me back and reminded me of the pile of cases on my desk.

I got back to my apartment on Wednesday evening. Everything still looked the same way as it had for the past 4 years since I moved in.  
I had stopped by at Emily's on my way home to pick up her moving boxes which she didn't need anymore. I thought about starting to set them up but decided that I was too tired so I just threw them on the floor, dropped my keys on the coffee table in the hallway and took a moment to look at the shiny new set of keys that waited for me to use them.

I swear I'd never been this happy about getting up in the morning but doctor's appointments excited me every time.  
I flipped through what seemed like every 'my baby and me' magazine they had in the waiting room until the finally called my name.  
My heart was racing fast as my doctor Fiona applied the cool gel on my belly, I was anxious, I hadn't felt him kick all morning and the books said that's normal in the second trimester but I my fingers were shaking anyway.  
She showed me his head on the monitor, his little feet, his tiny arms. I listened to his heartbeat as if it was music.  
"He seems to be perfectly healthy, everything looks good. Would you like to know the sex?"  
I bit my lip. I really wanted to know and prove Will wrong but I didn't wanna know before him either. "Can you... Like write it down on a piece of paper or something?"  
Fiona chuckled. She searched for a post it block, scribbled something down and sealed it in an envelope while I removed the gel away. She handed it to me with a smile.  
I thanked her, stuffed it in my bag and left.

I called Will the moment I got out of the practice.  
"Detective Lamontagne." He answered the phone professionally.  
"Guess who doesn't have _diabetes_." I cheered.  
"I didn't even know that was an option but yay?!" He laughed.  
"Yeah well she tested me for every disease anyone's ever heard of I think." I pulled my sleeve down to cover the band aid on my crook of the arm from where she'd drawn blood.  
"Anything... _Else_?" He asked curiously.  
"I have a little yellow post it note that probably just confirms what I already know but I don't wanna open it without you." I grinned.  
"I _am_ here."  
"No you're not." I got in the driver's seat and looked at the empty parking lot.  
"10 bucks you won't make it till Friday without looking." He challenged me.  
"You're on." I accepted.  
"Any other news?"  
"Nope. I'm still due October 4th and he's still the most handsome baby in the world." I sighed, stroking the ultrasound picture with my thumb.  
"I bet."  
Someone called his name.  
"I'll be there in a minute." He called back. "Listen, honey, I gotta go. Call me if anything happens."  
"I'm fine. Don't worry."  
"You know I'll worry anyway. Love you."  
"You, too." I hung up.


	50. Chapter 50

_**Chapter 50**_

**Happy 50th anniversary, everyone! Thank you all so much for your kind words and for encouraging me to keep on writing. I have a great time creating something where there's joy and happiness despite all the cruel things that are happening in the world and I hope you enjoy going to this place as much as I do!**  
_  
"Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever." _  
_-Walt Disney_

I looked through the pile of cases on my desk. Two men were found dead in their apartments but I knew after reading the first page that it was an angry husband who's wife had slept with those men. No other cases seemed very urgent either so I just made a few phone calls and emailed detectives all over the country that sadly our team couldn't come to help them.  
Meanwhile the clock seemed to be broken but my phone confirmed that time really was moving this slowly. 3 cups of coffee later and thanks to some miracle, 6 o clock finally came after all and released me from my office chair.

My bag with the letter in it already waited in the car so I headed straight to the airport, as if I could get to New Orleans any faster by being an hour early at the airport.  
I looked out of the plane's window and thought back to the time I first sat there, shaking like a leaf, wishing I could somehow turn back time and decline the invitation, now I couldn't wait to get there.  
The stewardess whom I had gotten to know over time but hasn't seen in a while distributed chocolate bars when she got to my row.  
"No way." She gasped. "Congratulations."  
I woke from my daydream and blinked a few times, trying to understand what she was talking about. Of course. "Thank you." I said a little ashamed because everyone was now staring at me.  
As much as I hated all the attention, it was great to see so much humanity in everyone. Whether it was strangers on the street just smiling at me, people holding doors and carrying my groceries for me. Nobody seemed to miss it, which also meant that every single I person I had a conversation with that went beyond a 'how are you' gave me parenting advice. Sometimes it was annoying, I had my own strategy to raise the baby and I wasn't going to do without a stroller because the woman at the gas station told me it's better for mothers to bond with their babies by carrying them around all day but it was also very interesting at times, for example when the woman at the gate of the bureau listed all the brands of baby food I should buy. I had never noticed how many people around me had children.  
I quietly ate my candy when the wheels finally took off the ground.

"Happy 23 weeks anniversary." Will took me in his arms as soon as I walked around the corner at the airport.  
"15 more to go." I cheered and gave him my bag. "And we still don't have a place in a preschool."  
"What?"  
"I know. I met a woman at the doctor's office who wasn't even really showing yet but said she's not only painted the nursery and put together the wardrobe for her baby and got accepted to DC's mostly demanded preschool."  
"How about college? Did Yale already call her back?" Will said sarcastically.  
"Our baby's alredy going to Yale, I hope she applied hers at Harvard."  
"Oh yes of course." He giggled. "Are you hungry? Tired? Full of motivation to pack my life up in boxes and drag it to your city that mainly consists of smog and politicians instead of pelicans and red velvet cake?"  
I stopped. "Are you having second thoughts?"  
"I'm kidding!" He reassured me, putting one arm around me.  
I sighed in relief. "It's not funny."  
"Then why are you laughing?"  
"I'm not." I pressed my lips together. There was something about him that just made me smile whenever I saw him after a long week of being separated.  
"Mhm. You'd never." He opened his car and held the door for me. "So, how's the letter?" He got in on the driver's side.  
"Untouched and innocent." I sang.  
"Oh wow. Do you wanna open it now that I'm here?"  
"Let's face it, I'll probably cry and be in need of a hug so I think it's best for the poor people on the streets if we wait till we're in a closed room."  
He laughed. "Oh well then."

"You owe me ten bucks." I hesitated.  
"Open the goddamn letter." Will urged._  
_I laughed at how nervous he suddenly seemed._  
'To mommy_ _Jennifer.'_ It said.  
"Do you really wanna know? Once we looked, there's no going back." I didn't know what I was so scared of.  
"_Do_ it." Will said.  
"Maybe-"  
"Jennifer."  
I sliced the envelope open with my finger and took the letter out. I unfolded it once.  
"Ready?" My fingers trembled as I put them on the sides of the paper.  
"Ready as you can be."  
I closed my eyes. Pink or blue. I unfolded it one more time. We stared at it in silence for a moment, until we'd both read the words enough times to be sure of them. _'It's a bouncing baby-boy. Congratulations.'_  
"I was right." Was my first response. And of course, as I had predicted it, I was crying. Tears of joy.  
"I've never been so happy about being wrong." He wiped the tears away with his thumb and kissed my forehead.  
"It's a boy." I whispered.  
"Thank God it's a boy." Will put his hand on mine that was already caressing my belly.  
"I thought you wanted a girl?" I raised my eyebrows.  
"I said I pictured a girl. Not that I wanted one."  
"I went through 2 days of hell with that stupid letter in my bag and didn't wanna open it cause I thought you'd be so sad to find out and you wanted a boy all along." I laughed.  
"Why would I be _sad_? I'm gonna be with him-" we both smiled as he called him a 'him' for the very first time "-24 hours a day and I would have no idea what to do with a girl."  
"Well, I could think of something you need a girl for." I seductively bit my lower lip.  
"I don't like how you got from daughter to this but I see where you're headed."  
I emitted a cry when he lifted me up from the floor, the letter fell to the ground as I threw my arms around him and tried to be still while he carried me up the stairs. "One more week and you won't be able to carry me anymore." I joked.  
"Then let's take advantage of it while I still can." He breathed against my lips and put me down on the bed carefully.  
I placed my hand on the back of his neck, pulling his face to mine...

"I'm not complaining or anything but maybe if we didn't have sex all the time we wouldn't be the most unprepared parents-to-be ever." Will pointed out with a laugh.  
"You're right." I got out of bed, put my underwear back on, whipped his shirt on and searched for one of the book's my mom had given me. "Here we go." I sat down on my side of the bed in the Taylor's seat, Will was wearing his boxer shorts again.  
"23 weeks." I read out loud. "Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound, you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb."  
"Well a) why does it say she and not it or something? And b) That's... Comforting?" Will looked a little frightened.  
"I know." I quickly skipped over the next page. We had agreed that we preferred the pictures in our head over the ones in the book.  
I imagined my little boy to be perfect and like a normal baby only a lot smaller, while the book presented us with photos of wrinkly bags of skin and hair. Although this week's description described him like a real human being for the first time which was indeed comforting. All the weeks before his arms were either too long or too short and suddenly he was even able to hear us.  
"Well he better get used to the sounds _you_ just made." Will joked.  
"Shut up!" I hit him with the book. "If he ever hears us having sex, he's gonna shoot himself."  
"Don't say that." He said completely seriously.  
A flash of heat rose in my cheeks as I realized what I'd just said. It was a shameful moment. I'd never made a joke about suicide even once before and I blamed this one on Will. When I was with him I was so absolutely carefree that I even forgot about the worst event in my entire past. Will watched me progress my words and sat in silence until I spoke again a few seconds later. "I'm sorry." I tried to sound happy and was relieved to find how easy it was. "But isn't it funny how the last thing you wanna see or hear or know _anything_ about is your parents' sex life, but apart from Pizza it's all I'm craving?"  
"He's basically telling us to enjoy having the house to ourselves while we still do."  
"He probably is." I cleared my throat. "23rd week's activity:" I read "write a letter to your baby." We looked at each other and then back at the page. "A letter?"  
"What are we supposed to write?" Will took the book from me to read the details.  
"I think we're supposed to skip it." I took it back.  
"We learned a lullaby by heart for the 20th week so this should be easy."  
"Ok, bring it on."  
He got up to look for a legal pad and a pen. "How do you begin this?"  
"I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders. "Hi, baby." I joked but he really wrote it down. "I hope you don't inherit daddy's handwriting." I went on.  
He stretched his hand with the pen out but I shook my head. "Oh no, _you_ wanted to do this."  
"I hope you don't inherit your mom's willingness to do something that seems odd at first." He said, eyeing me.  
"_I_ hope you don't inherit his accent."  
"You love my accent."  
"I really do." I admitted. "But I hope you don't inherit his ego."  
"I don't have an ego but _you_ obviously do."  
"Well _I_ hope you won't insult your girlfriend as much as your dad does his." I teased him.  
"I hope you inherit your mom's beautiful eyes." He said, writing it down without looking away from my eyes.  
"Suck up." I smiled anyway.  
"Truther."  
"That's not a word."  
"I hope you won't be as _critical_ as your mom." He added.  
"Ok then _I_ hope you'll make up better _words_ than your dad."  
"Ouch." He put his left hand on his chest and winced dramatically.  
"You'll live."  
He nodded and crossed out the two lines he'd written so far. '_Dear baby'_ He wrote, it was difficult to make out his scribbling since it was upside down for me. '_Please inherit all of your parents' good qualities and skip their basically non existent bad qualities. We love you, mom and dad._  
_P.S please don't have a huge head! Your mom would never forgive me._'  
I chuckled. "Whoever wrote this book would be proud of us." I placed it on the nightstand  
"Oh yes they would." Will threw the notepad off the bed and tackled me with a kiss. "How about some pizza?" He remained bent over me.  
"Either that, or-" I was about to roll away but his lips kept me right where I was...


	51. Chapter 51

_**Chapter 51**_

_"I knew the second I met you_  
_that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it _  
_wasn't something about you at all. It was just you." _  
_-Jamie McGuire_

"What happens to the house?" I asked while dipping my pancakes in maple syrup.  
"I put it up for rental, so if you ever change your mind about living in the big city, the suburbs are still waiting." He winked at me.  
"Will."  
"I know." He set a bowl of blueberries down in front of me. "I'm just saying." He forced a smile but I pretended not to see the pain in his eyes.  
It was his dad's house, I understood why he didn't wanna sell it and it just killed me to know that I was the one taking him away from it even though it had been his own choice.  
"We'll visit." I promised. "I want him to grow up knowing where his dad is from." I still hadn't gotten used to saying _he_.  
"That's good. Cause _you_ won't be around to stop me from telling him the stories."  
I laughed. "I just imagined you dancing through the house with him and singing along to jazz music." I'd always had a thing for dancing toddlers.  
"I'm probably really gonna do that." He grimaced to himself and made me chuckle. It was moments like this when I remembered the only reason why I could ever leave this already beautiful, yet so unknown creature inside of me alone; because it was Will. He wasn't gonna forget to give him his medicine when he was sick or be embarrassed to sing to him when he wouldn't stop crying otherwise. I didn't know my little kicker at all but I knew Will, and he was a little bit of everything, enough to be prepared to whatever crazy freak was gonna hatch out of me.

"Have you called your mom yet?" I asked right after he was done with his breakfast.  
"I have. She doesn't wanna meet you after all. So sorry." He apologized.  
"Now who's the lousy liar?" I quoted him.  
The corner of his mouth twitched a little like it did every time I mentioned the day we met.  
"Oh come on, I'm moving away and nobody will ever have to speak of it again."  
"Are you _kidding_ me?" I asked angrily. "This is your mother if you want it or not and you can't just go away and don't tell her." I was really mad at him for being so careless about his family even though he had his reasons.  
"No. She's the woman that leaves a paycheck every month, although I'm beyond old enough to take care of myself, because she feels so bad about having abandoned me for no apparent reason when I was a little, helpless boy. I'd rather deny her existence than spend even a minute thinking about her blood in my veins because I could never, not in a thousand years, leave our son the way she left us and I've never even _looked_ him in the _eyes_."  
I swallowed. I knew he didn't directly raise his voice because of me but it still made me uncomfortable.  
"Give me the phone." I said dryly.  
"No." His lips were the only thing in his face that moved.  
"Give. Me. The. Phone."  
"No." His voice was a little softer this time.  
I reached for my back pocket. "5 minutes and I got her number do you really want me to make a detour?"  
"Penelope's not even in her office." He didn't lower his stare.  
I looked away to check the clock. It was almost 10am but a saturday and if they have no case, she's indeed not at the office. "Let's face it. She probably is." I had left my work phone at home cause every book always repeats how important it is to take time off of stress and it seemed like a good excuse to not be on call, given the fact that I couldn't come anyway. "And even if she isn't, she has enough hacker programs on her laptop to get someone's number who's full name I already have." I attempted to look a little pretentious and then remembered that I _didn't_ remember her full name but I kept my lips pursed, hoping he couldn't read my nervous expression.  
"Why don't you get the phone yourself?" He challenged me.  
"You go ahead and carry a large mango around in your belly and get up and walk through the house all day." I said grumpily and moved my chair back, motioning to get up but as I had expected, he gave in. His protective instincts were stronger than his ego.  
"You little devil." He said nastily but with a smile.  
I stretched my tongue out to him.  
"Did you know how expensive it is to ship a piano across the country?" He got the phone from the living room and walked back to me.  
"I did. And your piano?" I looked for the letter M in his phone's phone book.  
"Yes, of course! I'm not leaving it here."  
"I've only seen you play it like 3 times!" Mackenzie, Marco, Margaret. Jackpot.  
"So what? Maybe _he'll_ want to play it!"  
"Where are we gonna put it?" I pressed the green dial button.  
"The living room's huge! We'll find a space."  
"Ok fine." I sighed nervously. "And nice try changing the topic." I complimented him sarcastically.  
It rang on the other end of the line.  
"LaMontagne." For a moment I was surprised to hear that she still had Will's last name.  
"Hello, this is Jennifer. Will's... Fiancée." I hadn't told him about my little mistake during our last call and as I had figured he didn't really seem to mind although he did raise his eyebrows at me questioningly. I made an apologetic gesture.  
"Oh hello. It's so nice to hear from you again. How was your trip?"  
"It was great, yeah. Thanks. How are you?"  
She hesitated for a moment. "I'm great, thank you."  
"We were just calling to accept your dinner invitation." I said happily.  
Will buried his face in his hands but I saw him smiling through the gaps between his fingers.  
"Well how about next weekend?" She suggested.  
Damn. We were gonna pick out a crib in DC the following weekend but she didn't know about the pregnancy yet. Or about Will's moving.  
He must have heard her because he gave me a look that said 'good luck explaining _that_ to her'.  
"Oh next weekend is actually not so good how about two weeks from tonight?"  
"Perfect." She agreed.  
"Great. Does Will know your address?" I suddenly realized that he probably didn't.  
"Oh, right. I doubt it. Do you have a pen?"  
I waved about to signalize him to look for something to write on but he was already on his way and came back with a post it and a pencil only seconds later.  
"I do now." I moved the receiver to my left hand so I could write.  
She dictated it. As far as I knew it wasn't even very far away.  
"Thank you. See you soon." I said and hung up right after she said goodbye.  
"10 years and you finally have a street. Do you wanna frame it?"  
Will rolled his eyes.  
"Come on." I got up from my chair. "It's gonna be fun." I sat down in his lap.  
He put one hand on my back to keep me from falling down. "You're treating me like a five year old. I could have handled it myself."  
"But you didn't. And no five year old could ever be as stubborn as you."  
"Unless he has your genes, of course."  
"Ha. Ha."  
He exhaled noisily, obviously still not over my taking control of the situation he'd been avoiding forever.  
"You know that I hate you, right?"  
"Nope." I shook my head innocently and put my hands around his neck.  
"Good." He removed a strand of hair from my face. "Because I don't." He rested his hand on the side of my face and pulled it to his because for some reason I was very, very thankful for, he could never be mad at me for long.


	52. Chapter 52

**_Chapter 52_**

**Ugh. This is probably the most boring chapter ever. So sorry. Hope the next one will be better.**

_"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." _

_— Mother Teresa_

'75-90% of all women get stretch marks during their pregnancy.' I read.  
"You know, I'll probably love you anyway but if you look at all the sacrifices I make for you, and I don't mind, I _swear_, but if you really think about it, it seems only fair if you do something for me in return." I whispered. "Other than being healthy, of course." I added with one hand on my belly. It was hardly big enough to really fit both hands on it. I immediately felt stupid for talking to him and looked around myself in the dark room as if anyone was there judging me, although the doctor told me about his developing hearing system and how important it was for our relationship that I talked to him. It was still a little weird to basically talk to yourself. I smiled a little at my own thoughts, put the book aside, pulled the blanket up to my chin and fell asleep quickly.  
The next morning I slipped into my new jeans and even had time for some breakfast before I left the apartment.

I was the first one at the office apart from Hotch who didn't count because he practically lived there since the incident with Haley which I refused to think about in order to keep my happy mood that accompanied me wherever I went even though everything made me tear up it's a really confusing thing with the feelings.  
"Kevin, I am not trying the chocolate toffee donut now go back to your office I will see you after my shift." I heard Garcia complain in the hallway and only a moment later I could see her through my window, she was walking two steps ahead of him and he had a pleading look on his face. I subtilely watched them when they stopped in front of my door.  
"Now go." She ordered.  
"Last chance?" He stretched the really good looking donut out to her but she heavily shook her head.  
"Stop it." She suppressed a grin.  
"Ok fine. Bye, gorgeous." He surrendered.  
"Bye." She pecked his lips and he turned around probably to get to the elevator. They were so cute together I wondered if it hurt other people so much to watch Will and me talk too.  
I quickly pretended to be reading something when she entered the room.  
"Kevin discovered a new doughnut store and hasn't shut up about since he first went there yesterday." She complained, took a deep breath, looked through her bag and pulled a pink thermos out.  
"Can I have a hug?" She made the most adorable face and put it down on my desk.  
"Of _course_ you can." I got up from my chair to embrace her but she grabbed my shoulders and held me back.  
"What is this?" She looked at my legs.  
I looked down, I didn't really see all of my legs but didn't notice any abnormalities.  
"You're too pregnant to wear such skinny jeans, unless you-" she moved my shirt up and gasped in shock when she saw the special waistband. "You didn't!" She almost screamed. "I can't believe it. You went pants shopping without me." She said in disbelief.  
"It's an _ugly_ one! And not even a real one, see?" I skins he stretchy fabric between my thumb and index finger to show it to her. "It's only filling its purpose, I promise. You were at Kevin's I didn't wanna disturb you."  
"Kevin had me_ all night_ I can't believe you thought I'd say no to you."  
The truth was that I knew she'd drop everything and go with me, she'd already talked about it for weeks but I had just wanted to get something to wear and not make a big fuzz about the fact that I couldn't wear pants with normal zippers anymore.  
"I swear, I'll call you when I need the real maternity pants." Oh how I feared the day I would need actual elastic waistbands.  
"Ok." She gave in grumpily. "Celery and honey melon cause we had mango last week and melon's the next size." She pulled a cup out of her bag and put it next to the thermos. "Maybe I should stop using fruits that have the size of our little boy." She thought out loud but then shrugged her shoulders with a laugh. "Or maybe not."  
"Thank you." I sang cheerfully. "We have a conference in 15, see you then?"  
"Sure thing." She stalked out of the room.  
I got back to my paperwork and drank her smoothie as I signed everything that needed to be signed. I had tried to keep her from going over the top and treating me like a cancer patient but it was impossible so now I got a fresh smoothie every day and a mean stare whenever I walked past the coffee maker.

There was a case that caught my eye and it seemed like we could really help them but it was in Texas and would mean that I couldn't be home in time to pick Will up from the airport that evening.  
I flipped through the pages again and again. It would be a selfish decision to deny them our team because I wanted the weekend off, I thought. On the other hand, I'd never done anything like that before so I felt like it was kind of acceptable. I dropped the file on the desk and rubbed my temples. I had a headache, I was exhausted and my feet hurt although it was rather early in the morning.  
I took the file, threw it on Morgan's desk to send them a profile and prepared myself for the meeting. Let them sue me, I thought.

I took a vase with flowers from my apartment, put it down on the passenger seat and started the engine to drive to Emily's so we could spend some time together before I had to fetch Will, when I suddenly had a different idea.  
"Hey, Morgan, it's JJ." He had picked up after the first ring. "Remember when I told you that Will and I are moving?"  
"Yeah." He sounded slightly confused, the background noises told me that he was at the gym.  
"Well, I'm not allowed to carry anything heavier than a balloon." I joked. "And I wanted to surprise Will this evening, so I thought maybe you could help me out?" I knew he couldn't resist my pleading voice.  
"That depends on what you need me to do." He tried to play it cool but I already heard him packing up his stuff.  
"Erm I need someone to move the mattress from my current apartment to the new one."  
"Sounds like a two man job! I'll call Reid." He agreed.  
"Thank you so much! Do you remember my address?"  
"I'm still waiting for you to invite me for a coffee." He said flirty.  
"Don't hold your breath." I snapped the phone shut.  
I called Emily to tell her we'd have to postpone our date and went right back inside.  
Morgan arrived only half an hour after we'd hung up, with Reid in the car, who looked like he didn't quite know what he was doing there.  
I don't know how they did it but somehow they managed to fit the mattresses into Morgan's car and carry them up the flight of stairs to our new apartment and into the bedroom.  
"Have fun, you two." Morgan winked at me as he left.  
I blushed but couldn't have looked nearly as embarrassed as poor little awkward Reid.  
"Thanks again." I waited until they were out of sight and went back to my car to get the bedding.  
The walls were still white, there was only the vase on the window board and the 'bed' that could count as furniture and a bottle of alcohol free champagne in the fridge but it had to suffice until Will was there to actually furnish it, which reminded me that I was almost late to pick him up.

I was sure would never get enough of the look on his face right after he spotted me for the first time at the airport. It was such a short but precious moment for the both of us. When we non verbally caught up on everything that had happened in each other's absence and it always proceeded the same way. His eyes would look at mine first, followed by a wide smile once he caught them, then stare glance would move down to my belly and I swore I could see his brain working, trying to remember what it had looked like the week before, until, finally, he would carefully put his arms around me and I was home.


End file.
